Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Three fingers

Blake held up three fingers.

That's when it suddenly hit him, and let's be real, being hit is mean, and occasionally painful, and often even uncalled for, so it's not nothing that he was hit with the following... 

'Oh no, I don't have ANYTHING to say, let alone THREE things!' 

Then he thought...

'"Let alone?" What the fuck is that? Where does being alone come into this, that's just fucking dumb'.

Then he thought...

'Oh fuck, pretend I never thought it, cover it up, think something smart, um, science, math, geology, pathology, wait is that when you're a pathological liar? Fuck, that's what I think when I try to think something smart? Am I a total moron? Nah, I'm cool. Why else would I be holding up three fingers again, oh shit, I don't even ANYTHING to say, let alone THREE things!' 

Scrambling as fast as his mind could scramble he scrambled through his mind for something interesting and important, and luckily for him he came up with the following...

'Ive got three things to say to you! Number one, have you ever scrambled for something? Wow, I bet that would be cool. They could call it a scrambler, a scamblation, or like scrabbled eggs, that would TOTALLY become good, especially if you could do it without eggs! You know what? Plenty of fucking ancient societies had no eggs, and they all turned out fine! Oh oh oh, number two schools shouldn't teach people about Prussia AND Russia in the same semester, I mean what the fuck, it is TOO damn confusing to minds that young, they're just children for fuck's sake, and trust me, oh yes you can trust this, those minds, the minds of those kids, well they are NOT focused purely on what the teacher's saying, trust me, oh also which one was Prussia again? I never remember, oh oh oh, number three, imagine if you could go back and watch a movie of the daydreams you had in history class when you were a kid, it would probably be really, really weird, and weird shit is always cool, unless it's weird in a bad way, which it normally is, I mean spiders with tongues instead of eyes, harpoons designed to shoot fine art made out of nose hairs, skies made out of worn out wheel chair rubber, all super weird shit, and all weird in a bad way, except the spiders, you could totally practice making out with them!'

He was quite pleased with this.
Especially given the circumstances.
And circumstances are like circuits making a stance, and you have to admire that. 

Yet, YET, and here is where this story gets sad, the bastard that he said all this too STILL mugged him.
And he even took his shoes despite saying 'they're clearly not even my size, but that's for bad mouthing Prussia dick'.

Then it turned out scrambled eggs were ALREADY a thing.
Yep it was a shit day for Blake. 
But his making out skills soon improved, so it wasn't a total loss. 

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