Friday, December 4, 2015

Prance Sweat

You know what I just realized, I'm regularly hot. You may even say that I am often hot. I'll be hot seven or eight times a month usually. Once I was hot seventeen times in a month, and it wasn't even a 31 day month, it was a 30, which is technically the most boring lengthed month, it's short, but not uniquely short, yet I pulled off the most unique thing ever, a seventeen hot month! That's phenomenal! 

So let's be clear here - have I ever been hot? 


I have. 

Sometimes multiple times a month. 

And I've been to trot. How could you not want be to trot? Being to trot is like being at the beach and not being looking for shells, or being in the county side and not be seeking out wells, or being playing poker and not unearthing for tells, or being in a church tower and not being searching for tits. It not possible. Yet with trot desire, you don't even need to be at a beach, county side, gambling den or church, because in a world where to trot is available, EVERYWHERE is a church tower full of sand with deep holes bored in them in search of water full of gamblers. Because trotting is like a fancy way of walking fast!

Let's look at that in another way.

Want to get somewhere? Of course you do, where you currently are sucks.

Want to get there fast? Of course you do? Where you currently are SUCKS, get somewhere else as fast as humanly possible! 

Want to be boring on the way to get there? Um, seriously? You're leaving somewhere that sucks, and you're going to be boring in transit? That's the fastest way to have the new place reject your ass like a gargantuan gorilla rejects a Volkswagen hoping to move into its back hair. 

So let's take stock here.

Have I been hot? You're god damn right I have. At least thirty times! 

Have I been to trot? Does it suck where I am? You're god damn right it does, always, and I want to finally be accepted wherever I go next, so I'm getting there fancy walk style for SURE! 

Which brings me to my main point today - have I ever been... Hot to trot?


That's a HUGE question.

Fucking HUGE! 


Almost mind blowing.


Which is just another way of saying 'not mind blowing'.

I mean seriously.

Stop sensationalizing shit you stink snatch! 

Yet still.


Have I ever been hot to trot?


I should answer this.

Because I raised the question.

So it's my responsibility to answer. 

And the answer is...

No I haven't.

I've never been hot to trot.

And I don't care.

Cause that sounds shit.

So to sum up:

I HAVE been hot.
I HAVE been to trot.
I have NOT been hot to trot.

I think the lesson is clear - if your Voltwagen is missing, stop freaking complaining, it's probably just in the back hair of the local gorilla. I mean 'duh'. 

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