Monday, January 18, 2016

Cozy Cozy and Conveniently Convenient

It's my super fun, super new, and newly super fun new invention! It's called - a Pet Hat. They're ace! 

Here's how to make one. 

Step one: Simply take a 'pet hate', and extract the last 'e' from it. 

Step two: Do six years for in jail for drug manufacturing.

Step three: Realize the past six years were a wasted hole from your existence, and they were a deserved hole, due to your previous scroungful influence on society via your evil flooding of the consumerable options available to a fickle and easily influenced public, with (hush hush ...) DRUGS!

Step four: Pick something off the ground, ask yourself two questions 1. Could that be a hat? 2. Could that be a pet? Then answer 'yes' to both of those. Then ask yourself a third question 3. Could it therefore be a pet hat? Then also answer 'yes' to that. Then make that thing your pet hat.

Step five: Figure out how to take care of this pet hat (taking care of may include such things as: love, grooming, vet trips, having the lining re-sewed, teaching it to feel confident and playful at the local pet hat park, and more). Once you've mastered these skills now declare this pet hat a 'practice pet hat', I mean you picked that thing randomly off the ground, who knows what diseases it may have? Now pick out something even better than that last thing to be used as a pet hat (I recommend a cat and/ or dog specially bred into the shape of a hat) and make THAT your pet hat! A real pet hat, and NOT a practice pet hat this time. You've already done the practice thing. How much fucking practice do you need? 

Step six: Never have a bitterly cold and loveless to the point of shivering loneliness, head and/ or hat stand and/ or pet bed again! 

Pet hats, they're ace. So go, get, shoo, shoo off and go get one! Oh and let's soon have a pet hat play date! Well, you know, in six years or so, you drug manufacturing cunt! 

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