Tuesday, January 26, 2016

The ultimate mih

My energy and emotional state is a tad ‘mah’ today, which admittedly is better than ‘meh’, and way better than ‘muh’, but no where near as good as ‘moh’, and even further from my ultimate goal of ‘m(is there a vowel I haven’t used yet? Oh wait i)h.

And I’ll tell you why, because I just realized that if I owned a big Transylvanian monk made lavender scented beaver fur brown hat shaped like the map of Texas, the absolutely ONLY things that I wouldn’t like about it would be that:

-       I have a small head, so big hats rarely fit me well.
-       Transylvania scares me (because I can never find it on maps), and this hat would possibly remind me of Transylvania.
-       Monks weird me out, I mean how do they keep their hair so short all the time? They don’t have clippers in monasteries on top of mountains that were built and have remained unchanged since 1648!
-       Lavender is a better color than scent, WAY better!
-       Beavers are cuter alive than skinned.
-       Brown is a really boring color; perhaps the world’s MOST boring color. Except for maybe grey, but ain’t no one EVER going to make a grey hat, EVER!
-       Texas isn’t an appropriate shape for a hat. Not that Texas is a BAD shape, not in general, in some ways it’s an enticing shape, but it’s just not practical for head wear.
-       Also I’m personally NOT Texan, and you should only wear hats shaped of places you are legitimately from. That’s why traditional baseball caps are shaped the way America was shaped before a Bond villain went back in time and eradicated the state of West Californazia and our memory of it, and arching of massive land banks period.
-       Oh and why are monks even making hats? You spend all that time cultivating a uniform hairstyle and then build something to cover it up? That’s just dumb.

So other than those things, I would totally like said hat. And yet I do NOT own a big Transylvanian monk made lavender scented beaver fur brown hat shaped like the map of Texas, despite them being a perfect gift. And it was my birthday last week too. Oh man, I’m so mah. At least I have long luscious hair, suck on that monks! Now if I can just find one to make it jealous I'll totally be mih. 

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