Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Twenty One - A Shape Of Feeling

I was circling the man from the pictures now to intimidate him, circling him in the most perfect circle I could make, which is of course the squarest circle I could conjure, as obviously squares are better than circles, especially when it comes to circling someone. 

This was hard, because the only ruler I had was only twelve inches long, so I had to stop and re-set it every micro-step, to make sure each side of my circle was perfectly straight, which was time consuming and made my circling him slightly less intimidating than I intended. Plus I'd also accidentally gone clockwise which is only the third most intimidating direction to circle someone at BEST (after anti-clockwise and standing still while calmly asking the other person to pirouette on the spot), as if I didn't already have enough to worry about right NOW.

'Why don't you just follow the walls?' He said, after fifteen minutes or so of me circling him, 'they're straight and are only about seven inches from where you're walking, so you don't even need the ruler'.

I measured this distance. He was right. It was about three inches, which is EXACTLY just about seven inches. This spelled trouble, and trouble NOW, and it possibly even spelled BIG trouble, and I hate spelling, that dick. 

Obviously he must have been a wizard of some sort. Which was okay. I'd tangled with their sort before. Mostly at 'making whips from hair' workshops, which are often both fun and educational in a rewarding sense, and you get to take home the whips, as long as the person who's hair you've braided is easy to carry. 

My experience with wizards had always been great at these events, they're interesting and helpful, and one even taught me how to extract the essence of gnat WITHOUT needing to spend six months living in a gnat nest to earn their trust, it turned out with the secret power of not stealing their gnat food (which is mostly the essence of fleas) from right in front of their faces and right off their dinner plates, trust could be earned in merely four months! This was endlessly invaluable information. Then again, he did not tell me how I was supposed to get essence of flea without stealing it, which made the previous invaluable bit of information endlessly valueless. 

So I knew I had to be careful. But I also had to be swift. The restaurant library had no dictionary and this was a restaurant failure that was affecting me NOW and in a BIG way. 

My emotions started to get the best of me. And I've always found the best part of me is my ability to avoid feeling, and now with my emotions taking that part of me, I was left exposed, which always brings out my feelings. ALL of them. Over the next twelve minutes I felt more emotions than I'd ever felt before. Consider this list of emotions that I felt during this time:

- Love.
- Hate.
- Love-hate.
- Hate-love.
- The emotion in-between love and hate. 
- Let down.
- Hurt (Mostly on the souls of my feet where I'd landed when let down). 
- Uncomfortable (Mostly because the hair whip I'd hooked around a chandelier and climbed to get up high enough to get let down had gotten tangled in my hair, which I'd previously glued to my shirt while starting a new trend). 
- The fresh breeze from the open window blowing on my face.
- A hive of angry gnats gnawing at my knobby knee knobs (which I hide in my left ear so no one steals them) in what felt like a bizarrely, and obviously unwarranted, revengeful gnawing. 
- The emotion in-between hate and love. 
- The first man from the photograph's buttocks. 
- The spit from his yelling mouth splattering on my face. And 
- The emotion in-between the emotion in between hate and love and the emotion in-between love and hate.

For some people some of those things aren't even emotions. But a while ago I decided to develop the special skill of turning things that aren't emotions into emotions, and I know it works because whenever I get hit in the head with a flying table (not an emotion) thrown at me by someone I thought cared about me unequivocally, I feel hurt (which IS an emotion). 

I also felt the emotion of the absence of the dictionary I needed. And this was critical. I needed to respond. And I needed to respond NOW, and in a BIG way. Luckily I figured out a simple and easy to execute solution, and it was a solution that would help me NOW, but it would super hard to achieve, and would require a BIG sacrifice. Something I was willing to make, or was I?*

*The answer to this question shall be exposed very soon*

*Soon being the amount of time it takes to expose it*

*It being both 'it' and the other* 'it'

*'It' an emotion that I personally was the first EVER to feel*! 

*I also once remarkably felt 'hurt' when I was dumped into an empty grave filled with poisonous jellyfish by a lady who said she loved me but really only wanted to steal my car, yep I can turn anything into an emotion, it truly is a special special skill. 

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