Monday, October 24, 2016

Thirty Four - Don't forget to breathe back in

'Oh my god' exhaled the manager as he walked in.

If I didn't ALREADY know I had succeeded, NOW I certainly did, however I DID already know I had succeeded, and in a BIG way, and where by 'succeeded' I meant in the area of 'success', the forgotten area. I mean how often are you at the mall looking at the map for an area to hide a jar of air sourced from a different mall just to blow peoples minds, only to find 'success area' isn't even listed on said map? Weekly? Twice weekly? Well it's not there because you have to create your OWN success area! That's some wise words of ancient Chinese wisdom from me to you! And it's great advice for the following reasons:

- It's wise.
- I came up with it.
- It doesn't even MENTION scandal riddled bouquets of roses.
- But if it HAD have mentioned scandal riddled bouquets of roses, they would have been scandals that would make the soot on a chimney sweep spray all over the roof and walls with the extreme force of swiftness that can only come from the hairs all over his body standing up like trees in a place where trees grow really, really straight, and grow really, really fast, and this scandal would have been riddled, riddled like the home of said chimney sweep who clearly sweeps naked, based on how much soot sprays off him when he hears about epic scandals, and in this case riddled with young maidens desperate to be the one who gets to scrub the rest of the soot off his naked body.
- Because there is nothing young maidens love more than a dirty mind.
- And seeing as few men have those, a dirty body is a perfect replacement, perfect in the perfection stakes!
- And whenever you get advice that hints at straight trees I say build a tree house in them as soon as possible!
- Plus I ONLY come up with advice that IS wise.
- And I did come up with this advice.
- As I mentioned above.
- Above like where trees try to reach, that's right, we're already places trees only DREAM of reaching!

It had taken many hours, far too many to count, possibly even as many as three, but I had managed to get the place more than ready for an all Icelandic grand re-opening at dawn. And by the time the manager came in and said 'oh my god' this grand re-opening had already happened that morning, and you better believe it had been an instant triumph.

Sure the restaurant didn't typically open until dinner, (due to the twenty four hour darkness, and bitter cold, and lack of food options that taste even barely palatable, that's the only meal they eat in Iceland) so they had no customers, but it didn't stop lots of people coming by, and activity happening hard, and this activity was BIG news, and it happened NOW, in this case where by NOW, I mean NOW in the before sense, before the manger came in obviously, but it was activity at affected things NOW, this time NOW being the actually NOW!

*Said activity to be revealed shortly*

*Speaking of things that are short in the opposite sense, while you're in your treehouse, lay off eating too many bugs, some of those are down to the last few million of their species, I'm out there eradicating the eradication of species, you could at least do your part you dicks.

*Also if you're going to go around malls blowing minds, bring a towel please, when you make a mess* of someone else's property they sometimes call you a 'dick' and NO ONE ever wants to be called that!

*Speaking of messy things, the next part includes sharks, 'oh my god' I hear your exhale, well buckle in, the next part is going to include so many 'oh my gods' that God him/her/itself may well say 'that's my cue' and when god says something THAT profound you know the world will notice!

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