Friday, June 23, 2023

Harriet was having a nice day… - A Poem

Harriet was having a nice day. 

That’s a nice start isn’t. 

Especially for Harriet. 

Who as far as we know is a perfectly lovely person. 

Although it’s a bit cheeky for us to assume that. 

I mean she seems nice. 

But all we know about her is her name. 

We put too much on names don’t you think?

But then again, and I don’t know if this is true for everyone’s experiences with Harriets,

However 99 of the 100 Harriet’s I’VE personally met have been total utter assholes. 

Then again I met most of them at a “100 Harriet’s for genocide” convention. 

So the odds were stacked. 

I’m my defense (and it turns out, also in defense of ONE of the Harriet’s) I thought I was going to a “hair nets for Jen’s campaign to end the off side rule in soccer aka football” convention.

Or the “100 Hair Nets for Jens On Side” convention as the t-shirts called it. 

The idea was that if participants wore hair nets Jen, who was the hero of the occasion, would be probably happy, because she’d once found a hair in her pasta and didn’t like it much. 

Although in that case it was angel hair pasta, and the chef was a real sweet heart, almost heavenly so. 

So his hair, to be fair, fulfilled the brief of the menu description.

So look, everyone has fucked up occasionally.  

Although not the one Harriet I met at the genocide convention who also thought she was going to the Jen on side convention. 

Because that Harriet WAS a hair net.

A fucking good one too. 

She’d worked in handful of the best restaurants in the world and on literally dozens of heads, and . Not . One . Hair . Had ever been found in the food on HER watch - ever. 

Which is almost UNHEARD of in hair net squares. 

(They don’t like to call their “circles” circles, it reminds them too much of heads, and they need just a little break from those occasionally, and fair enough). 

Plus Harriet the Hair Net was one of he hairnets at Jen On Side who was MOST supportive of the end the offside rule campaign!

Let’s face it many of the hair nets there were there just for the gig, and maybe a day out of the kitchen. 

Well not Harriet the hair net, she was ALL for ending the offside rule. 

She’d even waived her fee for the event. 

This DESPITE having two siblings and SEVEN cousins working as goal nets at the time, five in soccer aka football, and three in field hockey. 

And all of whom were facing WAY more wear and tear if the offside rule was removed.

That was Jens whole point after all. 

More goals. 

And more goals means the nets get an absolute battering.

But that’s family man. 

And that’s support (and again, in fairness, you don’t even make it to the top as a soccer, football or hockey net if you’re NOT great at support). 

So yeah Harriet, the original Harriet of this story, was having a nice day… 

She was. 

Out on a boat. 

The sun shining. 

The waves gentle and even a tad rollicking. 

But it was all about to change. 

Because THIS Harriet was a fishing net. 

And a fisherman on this boat had just hooked onto an entire fucking kitchen nook someone had dumped in the ocean. 

With ALL the fix-uns. 

And Harriet was about to be used to net in a Kitchen Aid 4.8L, stand mixer in beautiful cherry red. 

This was going to go down in history as one of the most unique nettings of all time. 

Harriet’s nice day, was about to go down in net folklore. 

Hell yeah! 

That’s a nice end isn’t it. 

Especially for original Harriet.

Who as far as we know, is a perfectly nice net. 

That's a nice ending, isn't it?

The end 

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