Wednesday, September 13, 2023

Brand New Thoughts

Anyone here ever had thoughts? I have. 

In fact, I’ve been thinking about thoughts today which has me thoughting, that we’ve all heard of old thoughts right? Some of us may even have them ourselves, often as often one or two times in our life time OR even more often. 

I’m just regular every day old thoughts, thoughts like…

“If I owned pants I’d totally put them on at this buffet, cause then I could put some of the food in my PANTS” 

Anyone know where I left my pants? Oh that’s right, I don’t own any."

"I just don’t get why I keep getting thrown out of buffets?"

"Is that a dolphin, how did a DOLPHIN get in this elevator, oh wait, ha ha, that’s not a dolphin, duh, it’s a marlin, of course… they can press the buttons with their spear noses, wait is that Marlin giving that dinosaur an ear piercing, yes, yes it is"... or 

"So you’re telling me that I’m getting kicked out of this buffet for 'dress rules' and yet a dinosaur with a damn EAR PIERCING is allowed to stay"!! 

Well those thoughts are all awesome, and yet they are … old. And I have had enough, I am ready for some new thoughts, brand new, fresh off the noggin' thought, so far untarnished by explanation, reputation, and undulation. 

I know it sounds impossible, but right now, me, Davey "Tiger" T, is going to attempt, to have a NEW thought, a completely new thought, the first new thought any human has had since 1612. 

To make it even harder, I am putting just three minutes on the clock to achieve this, starting… 



  • pants but with like a bit of the pants that’s not usually on pants like a collar, but with no starch but you can pop it up, but it is hard to put a tie in.. fuck no
  • Um. Instead of whistling along to a song, have a song take you to the movies and buy you popcorn and then later maybe you and the song can take an accounting course together, wait.. a NIGHT accounting course, ooh La La.. no fuck 
  • Three frogs that like to pretend to be roads, no no no, FOUR frogs that’s like to pretend to be toads, but then it turns out one of them doesn’t even know what a toad is, so is really bad at it, but they are good at being roads, what no.. 
  • Toad buffet in PANTS! 


Fuck. Those were all also old thoughts. 

So I think we’ve answered this one. New thoughts is not new at all, because we’ve all already thought all the thoughts and made them old thoughts. 

Sorry everyone. 

Ps. If YOU have a new thought, let us here at the fantastical hear about it. 

Pps. Please note: The marlin giving a dinosaur an ear piercing was included in this blog as a mere illustration of clear normality, please do NOT take this as a sign that you can easily get a marlin to pierce the ear of YOUR dinosaur, unless you’re happy to be considered old news, and/ or you’re just all stuck in an elevator together and you have nothing better to do. 

Ppps. But if that is the case, try to get the marlin to use it’s nose spear to press the button for floor 72 - ha ha - I bet it can’t,  cause most buildings don’t even go that high!

In conclusion: 

If you ever see a dolphin wearing pants at your local buffet, just change your whole plan of attack, cause there aint NO WAY your getting any shrimp. 

No comments:

Post a Comment