Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

“Never let a likely failure stop you from striving for the unlikely success;

Quitting is the only way you can guarantee failure”

Twenty five nervous sweaty minutes went past before Ellie was standing at my door. I think we both felt a little unsure about what the greeting situation was, and subsequently both moved in to hug each other, only at different times, so that we both were able to feel incredibly awkward, then for some reason I stuck out my hand and she gave me a weird look and shook it, then I nearly ran out onto the street and jumped in front of a moving car to save myself further embarrassment.

“Do you realize some prostitute out there just asked if I was looking for a good time, she was pretty too….but I don’t think I’m really in the mood to pay for lesbian sex” Ellie said as a way of breaking our uncomfortable silence

“You got asked if you were looking for a good time by one of the hookers, one of the attractive ones…that’s so not fucking fair, I’ve lived here for over a year and not one of those girls has asked me to have sex with them, even for money, not even the one who looks like she had swallowed two or three of her past clients…why is it so much fucking harder for us boys to get laid?” I thought to myself

“Yeah, they’re annoying as hell aren’t they? I’m going to move out of here very soon, as soon as I start getting paid for my new job” I replied

“Can I come in?”

“You bloody idiot JayJay, you have left her standing on the door for five minutes while complaining to yourself that prostitutes wont sleep with you, there is a beautiful girl in your doorway, let her in for Christ sake” I thought

“Sure…sorry…come in and sit down” I eventually replied

“So I heard about this new job of yours, it sounds so exciting”

We ended up spending the next thirty minutes talking about my new animation job. Ellie was so impressed, she asked a million questions. The one thing I had been disappointed with when I went to the interview was there didn’t seem to be that many cute girls walking around the offices, it was mostly a male staff. Not that I would ever have had the guts to talk to any of the girls who worked there, if some girls did work there, which they didn’t seem to. But being able to have a perve at work certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing. Give you something to look forward to every day. That wasn’t the case though, and had disappointed me. However I was just now starting to realize, while talking about my job with Ellie, that saying you were an animator for EMK Productions was definitely a cool and impressive answer to the “what do you do for a living?” question girls seem to care so much about.

Saying “I’m unemployed and go to University semi-fulltime was never a good reply to that question. Girls react to that answer by looking at their shoes briefly before suddenly remembering that they have to meet a friend somewhere. Saying you work nights as a security guard at a cling wrap factory was never too impressive either, well I guess some security guards could impress with that response. I on the other hand was a little weenie kid, on the rare occasion anyone asked me what I did for a living while I was doing that, the response “I work security” mostly got attempts from people to stop laughing in my face. Usually unsuccessful attempts to stop laughing in my face. Followed by comments like “You, a security guard, hahahhaha what are you going to stop? A pack of children attacking the place!” Yeah imagine that, a security guard who couldn’t stop a bunch of kids, how embarrassed would that be?

Why do girls care so much about that answer anyway? You all seem to have your own careers these days anyway, why cant you have the best job in a couple? Guys don’t care. You could answer that question from us with “I torture puppies for medical research” and we would just think “Oh yeah, I’d like to play with your puppies”.

After Ellie had finally exhausted her curiosity about my new job she said “let’s watch a movie”, then pulled out ‘Brigit Jones’s Diary’ and a movie called ‘Fever Pitch’. I gave it about two seconds thought and not surprisingly chose ‘Fever Pitch’, even though I had never heard of it before.

It was an English romantic comedy about a couple who struggle to make their relationship work due to his obsession with football, and her lack of understanding how anyone could love a sporting team so much. It was fantastic.

We started watching the movie sitting on the same couch together, but on opposite ends of the couch. However somehow during the movie we had both slid towards the centre and were now touching each others legs just lightly. Even though the movie was really good, I was disappointed with it ending because I was starting to think about the prospect of putting my arm around her. Although there was some relief at not having to make my move. It’s like when you’re with a group of people, and someone suggests, “Hey why don’t we get some pizzas, and your taste buds spring to attention, and start going “Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” Meanwhile just as your mouth is starting to water at the prospect, everyone around you makes the decision against it, and you’re obviously too shy to speak up and say “I want pizza”, so you don’t get any. And even though you’re disappointed at this you do also feel some sense of relief at not having such a fatty meal, and therefore not having to go for a run to work in off.

“So did you like it?” Ellie turned to me and said as the credits were rolling

“Yeah it was great” I replied

Just then Ellie just sort of leapt at me and kissed me deep on the mouth and then withdrew.

“Did you like how it ended?” Ellie said as if the kiss had never happened

“Yeah it was great” I replied “So…..what was that?”

“What?”

“That kiss you just gave me”

“Oh that”

“Yes that”

“It was a kiss”

“I know, but why?”

“Didn’t you like it?”

“I thought it was wonderful”

“Well I’m glad”

“Me too” I replied before a brief moment of silence, which I spent looking at Ellie’s shoulder, which was exposed, seeing as she was just wearing a singlet top, she spent this time twiddling with her hair, that beautiful chocolate brown hair

“You’re not upset?” she finally said

“Of course not”

“Good…I didn’t think you would be”

“So you were planning that?”

“Well just sort of….I was sitting here thinking ‘I’d like a kiss’, then I thought JayJay probably wouldn’t mind if I kissed him….so I did it…I’m glad you weren’t upset”

“I wasn’t”

“Good”

“So did you like it?” I asked

“Yeah…it was really nice”

“So….so…..um…..well….um….is there….is there any chance of me getting, you know, another one?”

“Do you really want to?”

“You know I do”

“I’m glad….ok then”

Then she lurched forward and sucked herself onto my face, her tongue darted in and out of my mouth, and kept darting until I regained my composure. I pulled her down on top of me and began to kiss her back, and our tongues massaged each others. She began to kiss down my chin and neck, stopping just briefly every now and again to make a moany breathy noise. Then she moved back to my mouth, and put her tongue so far inside I was surprised that she didn’t say “mmmmm did you have a sundae this afternoon?” Then she suddenly stopped and sat back up.

“That was good”

“I liked it” I replied

“Where did you learn to kiss like that?” she asked

“I don’t know, just by kissing I guess”

“Do you kiss a lot?”

“No I wouldn’t say that” I admitted, although I didn’t elaborate on just how little kissing I had done

“Me either…me and Brad haven’t really kissed, I mean really kissed for two years….I just don’t want to, not with him”

“Really?”

“Yeah….I guess that’s why I wanted to kiss you so bad”

“That’s the only reason?”

“Well that and I’m more attracted to you than I have ever been to Brad….and you’re so sweet and nice”

“Thanks”

“So do you think it’s inevitable?”

“Think what’s inevitable?”

“That we’ll progress to sex”

“To sex?”

“Yeah…do you think it’s definitely going to happen?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s inevitable…certainty desirable” I replied

“Sex! For JayJay! Inevitable? You have got to be kidding! Desirable? Ha, that’s an understatement” I thought to myself

“I think it’s desirable….But I also think it’s inevitable too”

“Really?”

“Please god don’t let her be teasing me” I prayed, although I don’t think god really helps you out when you’re praying that he helps you have pre-marital sex with someone else’s girlfriend

“Yeah….so how does that make you feel?” She asked

“Great!”

“You like the thought of that?”
”Of course…you know how I feel about you”

“I know….I feel more and more the same about you every minute I spend with you”

“Really?”

“Of course”

“I’m really happy to hear you say that”

“I’m glad”

“So” I said, not sure what else I needed to say at this point to close this deal

“Yeah so” she said “So if it’s inevitable…as we now both agree…why wait?”

“I don’t know”

“Why not just do it right now?”

“Because of Brad”

“Don’t talk about Brad…besides we have just agreed its going to happen sooner or later, why not now?”

“I can’t think of anything” I replied, I mean I couldn’t argue with her logic, if she wanted to have sex with me, then why not now?

“I’m glad you can’t”

“So”

“So”

“What next?” I asked

“This is the point where we make love JayJay”

“Right now?”

“Right now”

“Wow”

“I think wow too”

She jumped off the couch and climbed the ladder to the bunk next to it. She was wearing a short skirt and as she climbed, from my still seated position, I could see right up it and see her g-string underneath. This meant that as I climbed up after her I had trouble not getting caught on each rung of the ladder with the front of my pants. I was slightly self conscience of this as I climbed, which meant that I didn’t see Ellie take her singlet off, and when I next looked over at her, she was sitting there looking cute as a button, with two of the most beautiful breasts in the world protruding naked from her chest. This caused me to nearly soil my pants, well I did actually soil them a little, not like a full lot, but they were suddenly very sticky down there.

I moved in and kissed her deeply. Then she withdrew from me with a smile and said “You must be hot in that big heavy shirt you have on?”, and I replied “No I’m not hot” and continued kissing her until about a minute later when I thought “You fucking loser, she was just saying that to get your shirt off”. So I stopped and pulled my top off over my head.

She giggled as I did this, then began running her hand up and down my skin. Then she began to kiss me all over my chest, it felt incredibly to have her warm moist lips on my chest. She pulled away and gave me a “Now it’s your turn” look. So I moved in and began to kiss her lower neck and then down her chest. I was too scared to go for the breasts right away, so I kissed down between them and onto her tummy. Then I kissed back up between her breasts before suddenly jumping over and attaching myself to her left nipple. As soon as I did this her neck arched back and she let out a huge breath of air.

I began to suck on it like an eight year old sucks on a lollypop after his mum says, “time to brush your teeth, you have one minute to finish that!” Her nipple hardened in my mouth and I began to roll it between my tongue and the back of my teeth. She moaned with pleasure, then breathed out “Now the other one”.

I kissed my way across to the right one, using my right hand to continue to fondle her left one. Again I felt her nipple harden as I massaged it with my tongue, and she moaned some more. She then pulled my face up to hers and kissed me so hard that I thought she was trying to get her whole head in my mouth.

She pulled me down on top of her, so that I was lying to her left and could kiss her while still playing with her breasts, such lovely breasts, as soft as two giant marshmallows. I continued to kiss her when I had a thought. “I could go for down the front of her skirt right now”. Despite the fact she had already told me that she wanted to have sex with me, I was still reluctant to do that. I mean that had been what had ruined it for me with Lisa. Actually no it wasn’t, it was my stupidity, mental note, never forget your stupidity less you commit the same mistake.

I had to do it. I moved my hand off her breasts and slowly worked it down her body. Down her tummy, over her belly button, and to the edge of her skirt. I paused, consumed with fear. “What can I do to improve my life today?” I thought to myself. “I know I can get myself some kitty cat” I realized.

So I moved my hand under her skirt, until I got jammed. It was too tight. What is it with you girls and such tight clothes, that can’t be comfortable, and it certainly doesn’t help us get down there, does it? I tried to push harder, but couldn’t get more than an inch or two in. She reached down and grabbed my hand and pulled it away. “Damn it JayJay you have fucked it up again haven’t you?” I screamed at my brain. “Let me help you with that”, Ellie whispered.

She then got up onto her knees, so her head was nearly touching the roof, and then reached around her back, and undid the back of her skirt, so it suddenly became loose around her waste. Then she sat back down and arched her back, so that she raised her bum off the mattress and in one swift motion pulled off her skirt and her g-string, she was now lying on the bed before me completely naked. More beautiful than anything I had ever seen before. Better than any sunrise, better than even Wendy at sunrise. Wendy had been gorgeous, but I didn’t truly love her, I didn’t even know her. I loved Ellie, and now she was giving all of herself to me, I was in heaven. “She must have had one of those Brazilian Wax’s that Hannah gets” I thought to myself, as Ellie’s entire body glistened from the thin layer of sweat she had now developed, with the blue light from the TV shining off her.

I moved back in to kiss her and move my hand again down her body. When I reached down towards the fun zone my hand smoothed past it and over her upper thigh. As I rubbed her leg, I felt her legs move apart as my invitation. So I moved my hand back in that direction until my fingers were suddenly engulfed with soft wet goodness. It felt like I had my hand stuck in a chocolate mousse sort of, only warm.

I rubbed my hand up and down the canyon and she moaned into my mouth. I continued to do this until a finger suddenly slid inside her and her nails suddenly dug into my back. So I moved it back and forth, and she seemed to be enjoying in immensely.

After a while of rubbing her down there like that, Ellie decided to dislodge her nails from my back, and then she grabbed me and rolled me onto my back. She then proceeded to kiss me down my chest and stomach until she was suddenly undoing my belt, and I was suddenly extremely nervous that she would find something she didn’t like the look of down there.

She pulled my jeans off with some difficulty leaving one of the pyramids of ....Egypt.... on display, with what looked like a sticky snow capped top. Then she pulled at my underwear so that my statue of Jason sprung up to attention, before collapsing back down to rest on my lower stomach.

“Now what have we got here?” Ellie said to me with a smile while looking up towards me from above it. She then began to kiss it gently, just on the tip, which felt about as good as anything I have ever felt in my life. Until she then slid JayJay Jnr into her mouth. That felt even better.

She began to slide it in and out, sucking like she was trying to suck my brain out of my skull through the head of my penis, and dripping it wet all over with saliva. It felt unbelievably amazing. It was simply incredible. There was nothing in the world that could make this not be a pleasurable moment for me. Oh of course except for my brain.

.. ..

It began to occur to me that pleasure like this usually would result in a messy outcome. And I could tell this messy outcome was definitely going to be sooner rather than later. I began to panic. My dilemma of course was the age old question, “When you’re about to cum, do you tell the girl or just let her find out?”

On the one hand it’s embarrassing as hell to tell her. Especially when she has only been going for about thirty seconds, which is about fifteen minutes and lots and lots of actual sex before porno actors need to finish their experience, and that’s the only real place a guy can learn what’s normal in this situation. And if you do decide to tell, how do you say it, “Excuse me Ellie, I wish to ..info..rm you that a bucket load of my manly reproductive liquid will be with you very shortly”. That wouldn’t go down too well, I don’t think. Not to mention the fact that if I did say all that, by the time I was finished saying it, I’d be more than finished doing it.

What’s the alternative though? You can’t just spray away and talk about it some other day. She might not want that stuff in her mouth. She might prefer that it was distributed anywhere but her mouth. She might be hoping that this wasn’t something supposed to be happening at all at this point, maybe she watched porn too.

There was no more time for thought, time was not on my side, decisions had to be made, and I had made mine.

“Oh oh oh” I moaned .That actually brings me to another dilemma in a time like this. Do you moan or not. Obviously in porn, or even in normal ..Hollywood.. movies, moaning is normal. You express pleasure with voice. However that doesn’t mean its normal for someone like me. Pretty much every orgasm of my life had been had in the company of myself and only myself. You don’t have loud orgasms when you’re by yourself. I just wasn’t used to it. But as she was sucking away down there I realized that she wouldn’t know how much I was enjoying it, unless I told her some way.

So I started out by occasionally saying “That feels good”, then it started to sound stupid to say “That feels good”, so I moved onto the occasional red faced “Oh oh oh” or “Ah ah ah”. I did not sound like some beefed up man with a totem pole for his appendage getting paid to do this. I sounded like a five year old boy while his mummy puts a band aid on his scrapped knee.

Anyway “oh oh oh I said “honey…ah ah ah….I think I’m oh oh…going to….orgasm”. “Oh my god I can not fucking believe you said ‘Orgasm’, what are you a fucking year seven English teacher being forced to teach the kids what’s the deal with the fact boys have snakes and girls have sandwiches, how can you continue to embarrass yourself like this” I thought to myself, as Ellie began to speed up the pace expecting results very soon. Only there were none. I had embarrassed myself out of an orgasm. The great feeling suddenly went away as the blood rushed to my head to redden my face, which unfortunately meant my body needed blood reserves and the only place it could withdraw them from was currently in Ellie's mouth.

She stopped, and looked up at me, as my rapidly diminishing little friend was falling away in her hand. “Are you alright?” She asked

“Yeah I’m good” I lied

“Did you cum already?”

“No…..well yeah….well sort of….I’m not really sure…something happened….it felt great…thanks Ellie”

“This is the worst thing you have ever done” I yelled at myself

“Oh ok….I’m glad you liked it” She said in a tone suggesting she agreed with me that I was lord of the losers.

“Do you want me to do you?” I asked

“I’d love you to” She replied, now a lot peppier

“Ok, my turn….now how the hell do you actually do this?” I thought to myself as Ellie opened her legs to reveal herself to me, and the little guy suddenly once again felt like that orgasm.

I moved down between her legs and at first just started to poke at it a bit with my fingers. It was so soft, and very wet, I thought wetness was probably a good sign. After a while of prodding I began to get my bearings of what went where and had a rough idea of where the clitoris was, this I gathered was where my plan of attack was supposed to be focused. I moved my head down and poked my tongue out and moved it forward until I felt her softness.

I had heard guys complain in the past about how girls taste down there, like it’s fishy or sour or something. And my first experience, with that old woman that time, had led me to believe that the rumors were indeed true, and that vagina was just not tasty. Ellie’s was different though, I wouldn’t say it tasted good, but definitely not fishy, and only a little sour, it didn’t really taste of anything at all, it just tasted; and I quite liked it.

So I started to lick all over the place, like the bottom of a bowl of ice cream, until suddenly I hit a good spot, or at least I think it was a good spot, because Ellie suddenly screamed “Yes, right there, right there, right there” over and over, as I tried to dig a hole to china just with rigorous tongue movements. Ellie then drew in a huge breath of air, and then sat up, and tried to crush my head like it was in a vice between her legs, while she grabbed hold of my hair and tried to rip half of it out from the roots. “Thanks JayJay, thankyou so much!” She exclaimed, as her breathing began returning to normal speeds. This I took as a sign that I had done a good job, and I was feeling more than proud of myself. This is also the point where proceedings took a major turn for the worst.

“Ok, time for you to get your guy dressed” She said

“What?” I replied, having no idea what she was talking about

“You know…..get him….down there….dressed”

“What do you mean?”
”Put a condom on….I want you inside of me”

“You loser JayJay, of course that’s what she meant” I thought

“Ok….give me one” I said

“Where do you keep them?”

“What do you mean….I don’t keep them”

“You don’t keep them…at all?”

“No, this doesn’t come up very often for me”

“You mean you don’t have one single condom in this entire place?”

“I don’t think so….you didn’t bring one?”

“I didn’t bring one….I assumed you would have some here”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…..ok….its ok…..are you on the pill?”

“No…I haven’t had sex in years, I went off the pill”

“Ok….um…um…I could just run down the road and get some”

“What time is it?” she asked

“It’s ..nine forty five..” I replied

“Oh fuck….really; I thought it was earlier than that”

“No look” I showed her my watch

“So should I run down and get a pack?” I asked

“No…JayJay….I’m so sorry to say this, but I have to go”

“WHAT? WHY?”

“Brad gets home at ten, I have to be there”

“You don’t have to…you could stay here with me”

“No I really have to”

She jumped off the bed and began to get dressed, as I watched, fifty percent aroused at the site of a beautiful naked girl putting on clothes, and fifty percent about to commit suicide about the fact I was positive, one hundred percent sure, that I was going to get laid today, how could I possible not be about to have sex? She got dressed really quickly, and began to gather up her things, I pulled on some boxer shorts, and with my arousal still in a state of emergency, went up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She looked down at my bulge and said

“I’m sorry JayJay, I wish I could have that beautiful cock of yours inside me tonight, but I just have to go…..some other time ok?”

“Ok” I replied

“Fuck you, you fucking prick tease” I thought.

Then two seconds later she was gone, and I was standing in the middle of the room, wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and with a rock hard monument to my feelings towards Ellie, only all alone. I was crushed. How could I possible have gone from two seconds ago being asked to put on a condom, to now being all alone? “You always know how to fuck it up don’t you JayJay?” I thought to myself. I barely slept a wink that night. Just replayed the day, over and over again, in my mind, trying to figure out where exactly I went wrong.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

“Something is always better than nothing;

Be happy with what you’ve got!”

I woke up the next morning with a sense of anticipation, but also with a sense of dread. I had had a very restless nights sleep. I had spent hours lying awake day dreaming about Ellie, until I’d fall asleep and have actual dreams about something far less interesting, and my brain would somehow realize this, so I wouldn’t let those dreams develop, instead I’d wake up, and day dream about Ellie. Until exhaustion would take control of my body, and again I’d drift off to sleep and real actual dreams, and again my brain wouldn’t like it and wake me. ....

By the time I woke up for the final time, the first thing I did was roll over and stare at the phone. The chances of that phone ringing anytime that day were about the same as the chances of me opening the window and discovering a crowd of female porn stars asking if they could practice for their next movies with me.

However I knew for sure that there was no way in hell I was going to go more than two meters away from that phone until Ellie called again. That was not a call I was willing to miss under any circumstances. Fortunately having given myself a two meter radius of the phone as my area to explore for the day, I could still reach every corner of my tiny apartment. So I was able to distract myself at least slightly by normal mundane day off activities like blocking my arteries with bacon and egg grease, and damaging my brain capacity by watching a bunch of starving losers holding up piles of sticks for as long as they could to try and win something retarded called ‘immunity’.

Still when my phone actually rung it was such a shock that my pancreas nearly exploded. The body is just not designed to cope with such a sudden burst of nervousness. I slowly lifted the receiver and brought it to my ear.

“Heeelllllooooo” I answered

“Hey draino, whatcha doing?” Hannah said from the other end

“Nothing much, just watching TV”

“Where were you last night” I tried calling like five times”

“Well, I guess I better tell you…..I was with Ellie”

“OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?”

“It’s sort of a long story”

“Ok I understand, I’ll be there is five minutes”

She hung up the phone, and sure enough in four minutes and thirty seven seconds she was sitting on the couch asking me to tell her what happened and spare no details what so ever. So I told Hannah the whole story, every little detail. I’m not usually one to give out every little detail of personal events that have happened to me, but for some reason I was compelled to spill every single bit of my evening to Hannah. I did regret mentioning to her that despite the less than sexual nature of our conversation, sitting staring at Ellie for a couple of hours in a restaurant had caused my penis to feel sore from the strain of my erection trying desperately hard to rip apart the zipper in my jeans. Hannah resisted the obvious temptation to bag me out about that non stop forever, and instead chose to only make a joke alluding to the fact that if I could stay hard for that long then maybe she should have sex with me after all. Hannah really is sweet. I guess that’s what made me comfortable enough to put my faith in her, and tell her the whole story. I did need someone to talk to about it, it made me feel much better having Hannah tell me over and over that Ellie will call eventually.

Hannah agreed with me that it was about a million to one shot that Ellie would call me again so soon. She also understood my desire to sit by the phone all day anyway. Fortunately she said she knew exactly what to do. “Wait here” she said, then disappeared out the door to god only knew where.

I waited in the quiet for about fifteen minutes, wondering if Hannah’s idea of “I know just what to do about this” was to abandon me and let me suffer alone. Then felt extremely guilty to have ever thought such a thing when she came back inside with a big bag of stuff.

“Now every girl in the world has had a day like this JayJay, where you’re waiting for a call from a boy that will probably never come…today I mean, Ellie will call you though….and every girl knows the remedy to this problem is to gorge themselves on junk food, so that if he ever does decide to call he will have to put up with a five kilogram heavier version of you as a punishment for not calling earlier” Hannah explained

“I thought girls don’t like it if you call too soon?” I asked

“Oh no…you can’t call too soon, but you have to call soon enough”

“How do you know which is too soon and which isn’t soon enough?”

“I guess it depends on the situation”

“But that just makes it so hard….for everyone”

“I guess it is kind of confusing…but you learn to play the game after a while”

“Fucking girls”

“I know we can be bloody hard to deal with cant we….I’ve had to put up with that crap for years….but anyway…so what I have here for us is (she reached into her bag and started to pull out items one by one) microwave popcorn, a bag of jelly babies, a block of caramello chocolate, a block of white cookies and cream chocolate…I know your favorite, and the most important item of all, a tub of premium grade extra sugary extra fatty ice cream and a bottle of hot fudge. Oh and of course a bunch of chicks flicks for us to watch”

“This doesn’t seem so bad” I said as Hannah opened up the caramello and broke off a row for me to eat, which I subsequently bit in half letting caramel drip stickerly over my chin. It was yum, yum.

Hannah threw on ‘Brigit Jones’s Diary’, which I thought was awful and I struggled to relate to the story of a girl who’s complaining how fat she thinks she is, but is at the same time being pursued by two men who clearly would fit in the overly desirable to women category. What the hell is it with you women sometimes, if you’re being pursued by men you’re attracted to then you no longer have any rights to complain. I’d kill to have women chase after me. And why do women get so worked up about a few kilograms over weight. You’re the ones who have it easy in the looks department. A couple of extra kilo’s and you just look curvier and have bigger breasts and more arse to get our hands over. A guy puts on a couple of kilos and we get a beer gut, and beer guts are never desired. You hear guys all the time say they like girls with curves and breasts. I have never once heard a girl say “Where can I find a nice guy with a beer gut?” Plus even if you do decide to put in the work in attempting to get the stereotypical image of beauty, all you have to do is get skinny. Not that that is easy, but for us guys we not only have to lose all our fat, but we have to spend hour after hour in the gym to add muscle aswell. That’s a lot tougher. And even then, even if you spend enough time in the gym until you look like a body builder, you still make us do the work in trying to pick you up. Bloody girls! Well yeah anyway, ‘Bridget’ was funny I guess. The popcorn was delicious, as were the jelly baby’s, and the caramello was divine.

Next Hannah put on ‘Lost in Translation’, which chronicles how hard it is, even for a world famous movie star with zillions of dollars, to pick up some female action. Well I don’t think that was the actual point of the movie. It’s really movie about two lost souls in ....Japan.... who find comfort with each other. This one I could relate to much more. It felt good to know that everyone feels lost sometimes, and it can take as little as a new friendship to improve the way you feel. It reminded me of how much Hannah had done for me. Also the rest of the jelly babies were excellent, and the cookies and the cream was heaven in bar form.

After the second movie Hannah made me up a sundae the size of a small car, just drowning in hot fudge, nuts, sprinkles and jelly babies, and I somehow managed to consume so much that I could physically feel the fat forming on my stomach. Then just as Hannah was saying to me for the fifth time of the afternoon that “no JayJay, there isn’t any chance that Ellie would call today”, the phone suddenly rang.

“Heeelllooo” I answered with

“Hello is Mr Domey home sir?” A female voice asked from the other end

“Yes this is Mr Domey”

“Good afternoon Mr Domey, I was calling to see if you had any interest in changing your broadband internet connection over to ‘Bobcat Telecommunications’? Sign with us and pay just eighteen months in advance, then in six months when we file for bankruptcy and you try and reclaim your extra years payment which we have already spent, you will only have minor legal fees to pay before being told straight up that you can never get back one cent of that money, before paying another huge bill in order to have your existing connection reconnected. So Mr Domey would you like to sign up for the standard eighteen months, or would you like to take advantage of our special price for a twenty four month subscription?

“I’m not interested”

“Oh are you sure sir, this is a once in a life time opportunity, you must take advantage of this as soon as possible, we could go bankrupt any day now”

“No I’m NOT INTERESTED, I don’t even own a computer you moron”

“Ok Sir, no need to be rude”

Then I hit the hang up button on my phone. I didn’t want to hear anymore of that crap. Only thing was as I walked over to hang up the phone properly I could hear a faint “Hello….Hello”. After a few seconds it finally clicked, there was someone on the phone still.

“Heelloo” I answered “Are you still there?”

“Yes I’m here, is that Jason?”

“This is still Jason”

“Hi its Ellie….what’s going on?”

“ELLIE!” I thought

“Ellie…do you work for Bobcat Telecommunications?”

“No...Why would you ask that? You know where I work”

“But didn’t you just call me to see if I wanted to change internet connections?”

“No…are you ok JayJay?”

“I’m ok….just that’s weird, that’s all”

“The phone didn’t even ring at your end, were you just on another call?” she asked me in a bewildered tone, yet a very sweet tone. Ellie always did have the cutest tones in her voice.

“Yeah with this crappy Bobcat offer thing, then I hung up, and you were there” I answered also bewildered, but in my boring monotone voice

“I must have called the second you hung up, and you must have answered my call instead of just hanging up”

“That’s nuts”

“I know, talk about bad timing….or is that good timing?”

“Well I’m suddenly talking to you, sounds like good timing to me” I said in the cutest voice I could

“You’re sweet” she answered

At that moment Hannah suddenly got her things together and kissed me on the cheek and said she’d call tomorrow, saving me the prospect of telling her to “get the fuck out” after the next thing that Ellie said.

“Listen…Brad just called to say that he isn’t getting home from work till late tonight…do you maybe want to watch a video…I mean can I come over to your place?”

“Of course…come over when ever you want”

“That’s great…I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes….I’ll bring some movies”

“Ok”

“Bye, bye”

“Bye, bye”

“Hooray for JayJay” I whispered to myself.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

“To get a good answer

First you need a great question!”

“What are you doing right now” Ellie said while my mouth struggled to stop gaping

“Um……I don’t know….nothing I guess” I finally replied

“Good….I’m taking you to dinner”

“Right now?”

“Right now!” She said as she literally dragged me out of my doorway and down the street until I started to follow completely by my own volition

We got in her car, I didn’t even know she had a car, it was an old rusty maroon station wagon, and inside the seats had holes and exposed sponge exploding out, and there was no stereo or radio, or anything really. I asked her when she bought a car, and she said it had been sitting unused in her mothers front yard for years, and she had finally managed to get it running again. That was the only conversation what so ever for the whole drive she took me on, about fifteen minutes.

She took me to the Italian part of town, to a little restaurant she said she went to frequently. We were shown to a table right away, Ellie had made a reservation, I wasn’t sure whether to think it was sweet that she had planned this out, or to feel sad at how predictable it was that I would be free for the evening, I mean it was a Friday night, for all she knew I could of moved on from her already and had another date, what made her think that it was so likely that I would be alone? I was sort of mad at Ellie having left me broken hearted for another man, but I wasn’t sure how mad to be at her, I still didn’t know why she had invited me here.

We were seated at a dark table for two, with just a candle for light, which glowed on Ellie’s face which was beautifully framed by her log brown hair. I looked around and realized that every table here was a table for two, with just candle light, and every table was taken up my couples, most of them starring into each others eyes, or playing with each others hands. “Fucking couples” I mumbled to myself.

I have always hated couples. What a selfish brand of human being. They just never seem to give any thought what so ever to people like me, who have no one, and who have never had anyone. They’ll cuddle in front of you when you’re waiting in line to buy something in a shop. They’ll walk down the street in front of you holding hands and taking up the entire sidewalk, oblivious to the guy behind them that doesn’t want to walk at their “Look how much we’re in love” pace, not even noticing that I can’t get past. They’ll make out all through a movie, so that Tom Cruises efforts to shoot the Scottish terrorist and reclaim the antidote to a killer disease are constantly interrupted by smooch, smooch sounds which sound like they’re trying to eat soup. They’ll sit on the phone in front of you while you’re waiting to use it, having one of those “No I love you more”, “No I love you more” fights. And they’ll come to a restaurant and melt into each others eyes, not caring for a second about the guy eating alone in the corner twirling up his spaghetti alone, because he can’t find anyone to have dinner with. I hated couples.

It only just occurred to me now, as I was thinking this while melting into Ellie's moon sized eyes, that this time I was one of them, I was a couple, at least at the moment. I wondered how many couples in the past I had despised on site that were in a situation like I was currently in, sitting across from someone they loved, being consumed by their presence, and not knowing why the fuck they are even there.

“So why the fuck are you here” I said, in a much more bitter tone than I meant to

“Don’t you want me here?” She replied

“You know I do…..but you told me you didn’t want to be”

“That’s not what I told you at all”

“Well what did you tell me?”

“I told you that I had an awesome time with you…I told you I was extremely attracted to you….I told you I’d love to be with you….just that I couldn’t”

“That’s not the way I remember it”

“How do you remember it?”

“I remember it as you telling me that you liked me, but had chosen to be with someone else……that’s not something you want to hear from a girl that you’re crazy about”

“Are you really crazy about me?”

“I think you can tell that I am”

“I got that impression…..but I don’t know you…maybe you look at all girls the way you look at me”

“The way I look at you is a way I’ve never looked at anyone”

“Wow….that’s got to be one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever said to me”

“So you still haven’t told me why you’re here, why did you come over, why did you bring me to restaurant like this?”

“Are you ready to order Sir, and Madam?” The waiter suddenly interrupted with

“I know what I want, can I have the lasagna please, and a coke” I said quickly wanting to get rid of him

“We have no Coke sir, would Pepsi be satisfactory?”

“Yeah that’s fine”

“Why do waiters always fucking ask that, does anyone really say, ‘no if you can’t get me Coke then no cola will do, this is an outrage’? Cola is fucking cola, bloody people” I thought

“And you madam?”

“Oh crap, I haven’t even looked at the menu….um (she began reading through the menu)…um…just give me the lasagna too”

“And anything to drink?”

“Yeah I’ll have a Coke aswell”

“We have no Coke sorry, would Pepsi be satisfactory?”

“Yeah that’s fine”

“Fuck you, you fucking moron” I thought as the waiter disappeared

“So” I said to Ellie

“So” she replied

“Well”

“Well”

“Well why are we here?”

“Oh the food here is great, you’ll love it”

“You know what I mean”

“I know, I’m just stalling”

“Why, what have you got to hide?”

“I just don’t know how to say this” she said, I hoped this wouldn’t be as bad as the last thing she didn’t know how to tell me

“Just say it, what are you worried about?”

“I’m worried that you won’t agree with what I want to ask you”

“Ok….are you going to ask me to do something I’m not going to want to do?”

“I hope not”

“Then just ask”

“Ok…..well the thing is….well you know, um, the um, my situation?”

“Yeah”

“Well the thing is…..I don’t like my situation, and I want to get out of it”

“That’s a good thing”

“What you don’t understand though, is that me and Brad have been together for six years…six years, fuck it even sounds long…..we have history…..we have, I don’t know, we have connections to each others lives that you just cant break over night….we own things together, we share the same friends, we live together…….its not just like breaking up with a boy you’ve known for two months…..breaking up with him means breaking up with my entire life, changing everything…..there will be good things about it, no more Brad, no more arguments first thing in the morning, no more spending every night coming up with a reason why I’m not in the mood for sex ever any more, no more looking at him knowing he loves me, and I cant reciprocate, no more worrying about knowing that one day I have to break his heart….but there will be bad things too, it will change every part of me….its just not something I can do and say it’s done, it’s going to take time and it’s going to take effort, and its going to take tears”

“I understand….well I don’t, I have never been there myself….but I can imagine that it’s a hard thing for you”

“Thanks….I’m glad you can see my point…….thing is…well….thing is even though its going to take time….I’ve met someone else….someone I really like…someone I want in my life….I’ve met you!”

I smiled “So are you saying you want to be with me?”

“No….well yeah, I want to, but I can’t….not yet”

“Then when?”

“I don’t know”

“So you want me to just wait for you, while you keep your boyfriend….until just some time in the future, and you don’t know when?”

“I guess that is what I’m asking….I know it’s so much to ask…but do you think there is any chance you could wait for me?”

“I don’t know…I mean I like you in a way I have never liked anyone, but…..but the reality is we still don’t know each other very well….how do we know it would even work?

“I know….it sounded like such a good idea when I thought of it this morning….but as I’m actually asking you it sounds ridiculas…..maybe I should just leave you alone”

“No…I don’t want you to…..I can wait for you” I replied, her leaving me alone was the last thing I wanted

“Are you sure….I mean, you don’t have to say that”

“I’m sure….how can I sit across from you here, being told that I have a chance with you, and decide to give that up just because of a little time….I mean its not like I am going to meet anyone else in that time….well who knows”

“I know….I know I could lose you to another while we wait….I mean any girl would want you”

“Thanks, but that’s not true”

“I think it is….I don’t think you really know how desirable you are JayJay”

“Thanks…..so how is this going to work….do I just sit by the phone waiting, hoping for you to call, sometime, anytime”

“No we can still be friends”

“Really”

“Of course…I’m allowed to have friends”

“Here you go, two Cokes, can I help you with anything else” The waiter interrupted again

“No we’re fine” I snapped

“You said there wasn’t any fucking Coke, for Christ sake” I thought

We didn’t talk about much at all the rest of the night, just mindless small talk. We both agreed the weather was nice recently. We both agreed there was too much crappy reality TV on now. We both agreed that the lasagna was fucking beautiful. We both agreed that service in restaurants has gone down hill in recent years (I had actually barely been to a restaurant in the past couple of years, but based on our waiter this night, I was quite certain standards must of fallen).

If it wasn’t for the seriousness of the early conversation this would have actually been one of my all time best nights. Just sitting around talking to a pretty girl, and having no trouble making conversation, I loved talking to Ellie. Those of you who have never been faced with some of the social imperfections I was blessed with just don’t know how incredibly amazing it is to meet someone with whom conversation is as easy as missing the bowl when going to the toilet. I mean I just didn’t have to think about it with Ellie; I could just relax and be myself. My usual tactics when faced with sitting at a table with someone I already had gotten to know was to just ask questions I already knew the answer to, it was the only thing I could think of to say, but I never once had to do this with Ellie. Thinking that made me really start to wonder if I had made the right choice to be friends with Ellie while waiting, hoping, we could one day, any day be more.

“What are you thinking?” Ellie asked me as we stood at my doorway after she had driven me home. I don’t think either of us said a word the whole drive home. I had been in deep thought the whole time; I guess Ellie could read my face to see that my brain was in action. I hoped that using my brain wasn’t such a strain that it really was that obvious.

“Honestly?” I replied

“Yes….please”

“Well I was just thinking that even though I again had a fantastic time with you…..I’m finding it really hard to handle the fact that I cant just grab you right now and…..I don’t know….at least give you a hug” She didn’t reply. She just looked at me with this look of pure empathy, and about four or five times breathed in like she was about to say something, but never quite decided what.

“I mean….at least….well….do you want to hug me?” I asked

“You know I do”

“But you won’t because of your boyfriend…….and you don’t want him to be your boyfriend anymore?”

“It sounds so stupid doesn’t it?”

“It does to me”

“Well have you ever loved someone JayJay….loved them with all your heart….for years…but then realized that even though you still loved them, it just wasn’t the same anymore?”

“No”

“I know it’s hard to understand”

“I know….I don’t pretend to understand what you’re going though…….I guess what I am really asking is despite that….if there was no Brad…where would we be right now….would we be together?”

“I’d have my arms wrapped around you in a second….and I wouldn’t ever want to let go” she delightfully replied

“Really?”

“Of course”

“Then…how bad could a hug really be….surely you’re allowed to hug other people….it could just be a quick one….and I promise a hug and no more”

“I guess it is just a hug”

“Of course it is”

“Ok” She then moved forward and put her arms around me – right around my waist, with my arms around her upper back. Ellie is much shorter than me, so her head rested up against my chest, with her hair in my face, smelling as nice as a meadow after a truckload of perfume had been washed across it from a truck which toppled over after attempting to take a corner way too fast.

After holding her like that for a minute or so she pulled away. “Damn it!” I thought to myself, I was not ready for that to end. But before I could get too upset at her body withdrawing itself from me, she said “I prefer it this way” and she pulled my arms down around her waist, so that I had to squat just a little, and she put her arms up around my back. We molded together like two pieces of Lego being stuck together soon to be the corner stone of an enormous Lego castle. We fit together like we had been factory designed to fit together. She felt so perfect in my arms. I could have stood there like that forever.

Isn’t it amazing? Just a couple of days earlier I was making out with and fondling the breasts of a Canadian virgin while several members of one of the most popular rock bands in the world today were having an orgy with some of the most gorgeous girls ever to flash their breasts at a rock concert, just meters away from me. That was pretty good. Hugging Ellie like this was a million times better. It was better than if Ellie had suddenly floated into the sky with purple smoke as a tail, and declared that she was actually a genie, and could now grant me three wishes of my choosing.

Although I could then actually make one of my wishes be that Ellie do anything to me that I wanted her to do to me. So that probably would actually be better still. Then again, now that I think about it, I guess what made Ellie’s body molding together with mine so incredibly special, was that she had spent quite a bit of time with me, she had gotten to know me and she still wanted to be there with me. She wasn’t just some shy lonely virgin sick of guitarists trying to add her cherry to their phone book of virgins they’d removed from the world. She wasn’t some old ugly women who would take sex from anything desperate enough to give it to her. She was a girl who had options, even at home right now. She was pretty, and outgoing, and confident and desirable, and she had chosen me. I’d never been chosen like that before. What are the incredible odds that the first time it should happen to me, the person choosing me was actually my single first choice in the world.

“I gwwurrs iwee weghrty gwow” Ellie said with her face smothered by my chest so that no speech pathologist in the world could figure out what she was saying

“What?” I replied

“I guess I better go” She said this time briefly half releasing her grip of me, before returning her tray to the upright full hugging position. I didn’t answer; I just let the hug continue, for at least another minute.

“Sorry….I really have to go” She said again, this time letting go completely

“When will I see you again?” I asked

“I don’t know….soon….I’ll call as soon as I get a chance, promise” She gave my chest a little rub, and I felt the cold on my skin from where she had slobbered on me slightly which was now penetrating the material. She smiled at me, and I smiled back, then she ran off into the darkness.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

“Always keep your eyes open;

Treasures can be found in the least likely hiding places!”

When I made the decision to go back to University, as you may recall, my criteria had little to do with future job prospects. I decided to go back to school because I knew that I needed to do something which would introduce other people into my life. It had been more than successful in that regards. I chose to study art because I had some interest in the subject, and had some talent in the subject. However it had never really occurred to me that art could be a career. Don’t people only make money off art four hundred years after they have cut off their ears, gone insane and killed themselves while drunk on Absinth, on some crazy night just after completing their new masterpiece, which is a self portrait of themselves nude if they were actually a women? That wasn’t the sort of career I had in mind. I had never really thought beyond the fact I’d be on unemployment benefits, they would eventually get me a job, I’d eventually embarrass myself and be fired, then I’d have unemployment benefits, they’d give me a new job, which I’d fuck up and be fired, then I’d have unemployment benefits and so on and so on. Wasn’t really what I wanted to do with my life, but hey I’m still me, what the hell else was I going to do.

So it came of a bit of a surprise when ‘teacherman’ called me up one night, and said “I think I might have found you a job!”

“Really…..I didn’t even know teachers found students jobs….I mean I thought they were supposed to teach you so that you could get your own job….not that you have done a poor job in teaching me….just that….um………..what kind of job?” I replied

“Well the thing is I had a call from a friend of mine who works for EMK Productions, you know the guys who bring out all those amazing animated movies….like the one last year about the space alien who is accidentally left behind in the Amazon, and befriends the family of monkeys and they don’t know that he is from another planet, and ….oh well you know, it was great wasn’t it?”

“Yeah”

“Well anyway he called me up and told me that EMK are going to branch out to television. They are developing a whole range of new cartoons, which they are going to put on a cable channel…you know a whole channel for cartoons…..so he calls me up and says that they are obviously looking for new staff to work in this new division, and especially animators….so he asks if I want to join the team…and I say no, I mean it sounds bloody fantastic, but I’m a teacher…I love to teach, I couldn’t give that up….so I say to him how about one of my students…and he says “Well are any of your students good enough?”…and I say “You know I have this one student, he wrote a whole first edition of a comic book for a class and it was really, really good”, so he says “You mean the writing of the book was good, or the drawings?” and I say “Both”, and he says “can I have a look at this?”, so I say “Sure” and I sent him a copy of Explosion Man, I hope you don’t mind, and I sent a few of the other drawings you have done for me, and I got a call back today from him saying “This kid is great, can you send him in for an interview”, and I say “sure, well I’ll have to call him to see what he thinks”, which is what I’m doing right now….making the call I mean….to you”

“Fuck” I responded “Oh sorry I didn’t mean to swear”

“Don’t worry about it man….fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck….sorry…I’m just so excited for you…so I assume you’re as keen as superman is strong?”

“Of course…..that’s just amazing….I had never even thought of such a thing”

So as it turned out, two days later I skipped school to go to a job interview in the city. You may have heard before that I don’t like job interviews. In fact I would say I am quite crap at them. I am about as good at them as superman is good at losing arm wrestles with six year old girls. This was not an interview I wanted to screw up though. So I called in my super hero - Hannah, and asked once again for her to save me.

Hannah told me that first impressions would be very important, so I would have to dress up. Despite the fact she had chosen several outfits which I looked good in, none of these apparently would make a good first impression for a job interview with a major production company. I needed a suit.

So Hannah again took me to a second hand clothes shop, a different one from the time before, and again she managed to sort through racks and racks of crap and find some good stuff. She found me a dark grey suit with a light pin strip, and a white shirt and black shoes. And amazingly I looked dashing in it, or has Hannah put it “As handsome as a penguin in a tuxedo”, which I didn’t think made any sense, so she thought again and said “so good, that I’d rip your clothes off and do you right here, if that didn’t mean you were no longer wearing the suit”. That was enough for me, so I bought it.

Hannah then oh so sweetly spent the next twenty four hours showering me with more compliments than a supermodel demands from a photographer. “You’re hot”, “You have such a nice voice”, “Your drawings are so good”, “You’re the most creative person I’ve ever met”. It got to the point that by the time I was on my way to the interview I actually had begun to believe some of it. I felt good, and confident, and in control. Until I got to the building.

The building was a gigantic sky scrapper, one of the ones that you could see from the hotel where I met Lisa, and EMK’s reception was on the seventy second floor. As I walked though the lobby, looking dashing as I’d mentioned, I gradually became less and less confident, and more and more sweaty, and my heart rate got faster and faster, and my confidence fell off a precipice and was free falling towards a pile of jagged rocks on the ground below me. I got into the biggest lift I had ever been in, which had television screens on each wall showing a news channel, and in the lift with me were four men in suits. They all looked so much older and so much more mature and important than me. As we climbed the levels, so fast that the blood in your head drained to your feet and you felt like fainting, well I did, might have been the nerves too; people began to get off and others began to get in, each one looking about a million times more capable than I had ever been, at anything.

On each stop I was faced with a reception desk, often with a cute girl sitting behind it, with those ear piece things that important people wear, so that they don’t have to pick up the phone to answer it. It looked so daunting to have to walk into one of those reception areas, watched as you come in, and have to explain who you are.

After about four or five stops we were only on the forty eighth floor and I was beginning to think it might take quite a while to get to my floor. But then in one big whoosh we flew up and the doors opened to a reception area with two girls behind it and big letters EMK behind. My floor.

I stumbled out, feeling light headed from the lift, and said “I’m Jason Domey….here t t t o s s s ee Shannon Michaels”. “Great, that’s all I need - to suddenly develop a stutter?” I thought to myself. I was told to take a seat and wait. It didn’t take long. I had assumed that Shannon Michaels was a man, sounds like a mans name to me, but it turned out to be a women. She was about forty and dressed like a twenty year old, in jeans and a t-shirt, and had a really friendly face.

“Hi, Jason, I’m really glad you could come in” She said as I rose to shake her hand.

“Thanks for asking me” I replied. I was happy with this response, I sometimes really screw up first comments in situations like this, I’d say something like “Why, didn’t you think I would come” and suddenly think about nothing else except what a stupid comment it was I’d just made, until I had basically missed the next three things the person had said to me, then panic about that, then fall in a crumpled heap. ‘Thanks for asking me’, wasn’t brilliant, but it wasn’t bad, I suddenly felt relaxed.

She took me into this board room with the best view I had ever seen in my life, it looked like you could see the whole world from up there, it was a clear day and the city looked incredible, so vast and so peaceful from so high up.

“Great view isn’t it” ..Shannon.. said, she must have seen my jaw resting on my shoes, and my eye balls squashed up against the window

“Just awesome” I replied

“Well you’ll get to see it everyday pretty soon”

“I’ll get to, not I might get to, not if I we offer you something you will get to, just you’ll get to, that sounds good” I thought to myself

“So sit down”

“Thanks”

“Your not quite what I was expecting, Jason”

“How so? I asked “How fucking so?” I thought

“I don’t know, your more handsome than I was expecting, better dressed…I was expecting your stereotypical comic book nerd….I guess that’s what I get for having stereotypes…its not like that’s what most people in here look like”

“Thanks” I replied

“This is going fucking great” I thought

“So tell me about yourself Jason”

“Um well ok….well…..my name is Jason, some people call me JayJay…um…I’m 21”

“No, no, I mean tell me about you…what do you like to do?” she interrupted me with

“I don’t know….I guess I spend most of my free time either with school, or hanging out with my friend Hannah, or working on my comic book”

“You mean Explosion Man? Well yes I have read your first edition, it’s really good”

“Thanks”

“And you still work on it a lot?”

“Yeah…all the time…I’ve done three editions now”

She seemed to like this answer because she just smiled warmly for a good twenty seconds and then said “I’d love to read those one day”

“I’m sure that can be arranged”

“Quick” She tossed me a pad and a pencil “draw me Desert Fire running”

“Oh no – a test” I thought....

“Ok” I said, before spending about two minutes drawing a pretty rough version of Desert Fire with my hand shaking like I had recently picked up a nasty bout of Parkinson’s disease, and handed it over to her

“Remarkable, you’re very talented JayJay”

“Thanks”

“Well I don’t know what John told you about the position we’re offering you yet, but it will be a semi-fulltime, five days a week, but you’ll have some afternoons off so you can still study, you’ll be working on drawing for a new cartoon we are producing, its called “The reluctant hero”, its about a horribly shy high school nerd who has discovered he has super powers but is too shy to use them so far, I think you’ll like it……you’ll mostly be doing drawings, but you’ll also have the opportunity to offer some creative input….um….what else….oh you’ll be starting on $40,000 a year, but that has lots of potential to move, as you become more accustomed to the work….so how does that all sound?”

“So you’re actually offering me this….its not a maybe still?”

“No this is the actual offer….you’re very good JayJay, we want people like you working here”

“That sounds fantastic then” I said

“That sounds fucking absolutely fucking unbelievably fantastic” I thought to myself

“So can you start on Monday, um not next Monday, but the Monday after, the first of the month?”

“Yes”

“That’s great….one more thing, you don’t have to wear suits in here…we just wear whatever we want…….oh just one more thing, here is a sheet for you” she handed me a form “you can fill this out anytime before you start, but can you just make sure you drop it off by say….the twenty eighth….it just asks what kind of snacks you like, and what you like to drink….see every desk has a bar fridge and we fill it up with whatever you want at the start of the month…don’t worry you can change it every month…we like to keep our employees happy around here….you’ll find out some other cool stuff once you start”

“That’s…..that’s bloody great”

She smiled “Yeah most people like that”

We said our goodbyes and see you soons, and I caught the lift and walked out of the building feeling the happiest I had in my entire life, can you believe that? Happy! From being offered a job, but what a brilliant job!, I felt happier than if the government had made a new law requiring all attractive girls to be naked at all times, I felt happier than if I ran into a homeless man and discovered it to be Julian or Christian, or one of the other assholes from my school, I felt happier than if I had won the lottery, I felt happier than if the girl of my dreams suddenly knocked on my door and said she was in love with me, I felt on top of the world, it was just down right incredible.

I was so excited when Hannah knocked on my door that night, coming around to see how it all went, even though I was naked at the time, and had to quickly get dressed, she always had a way of knocking on my door while I was in the middle of something. Well ok, I guess I should be honest with you, I mean you know most of my dirty secrets by now, I guess this isn’t the time to start lying, it didn’t seem important, but the truth is I wasn’t getting dressed, I was lying on bed naked, you know with a magazine open in front of me, it was an exciting day, why not spread my excitement all over my body? Anyway Hannah was knocking on the door, and I had to rush to get dressed. Only thing was when I finally opened the door, trying to stand in a way to hide my only semi-disappearing erection, it wasn’t Hannah standing there. It was Ellie.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

“Nobody gets everything right”

Hannah spent the next few weeks in a desperate attempt to cheer me up. She kept telling me that I shouldn’t be so upset about Lisa, that I should be happy that I had done so well in chatting her up that night. Apparently a girl losing her virginity isn’t something she does just because some guy, any guy, is willing to relive her of it. Not like me, I gave mine to a fat old hairy person who barely resembled a female. Apparently the fact that Lisa had waited till she was twenty already and then decided that night, and JayJay Domey, was going to be her first time, was a sign that I was actually completely desirable. I mean for the rest of her life when she thought back to when she first did the deed, it would have been me that she thought of.

I’m not sure if that made me feel better or worse. I mean the thought of being remembered forever by anyone sounded pretty good to me. So the thought of missing that was awful. Of course the thought that she was willing to have that be me was quite good. Although this also reminded me that forever more, when someone asked me to tell the story of my cherry being squashed, I would either have to lie, or would have to put up with five minutes of laughing and pointing in my direction. Also of course the fact that at this point that was still my only sexual experience didn’t really make me feel good. Not that I am lying around just dying for sex, well I am, but not enough to go and have sex with prostitutes or anything, but just to have your only memory of sex include the memory of an eight inch hair growing out of a mole, is not the best library of memories to keep.

It didn’t really matter though, because the reality was I wasn’t really pissed off about Lisa. I mean having a famous (I’d since done some research, and apparently 'Lost in Life' are fucking HUGE, so my lack of recognition for them became a huge embarrassment in hindsight. Does anyone else get really embarrassed in hindsight? I mean the moments passed – so what if I made a fool of myself two weeks ago, I didn’t know that I was then, I didn’t feel it then, it wouldn’t even be the humiliating event of the night that they would remember. I did though, I always allow stupid emotions to cripple me, hindsight humiliation, HH, can you go to a psychologist and complain you suffer from HH?) band like L-I-L all laughing hysterically at you because you had misunderstood another countries slang and missed an opportunity to de-virginise a pretty young Canadian girl, who had already let you fondle her ample bosoms while an orgy was taking place between three band members and a bunch of groupies, is not the best way to end an evening. But I did feel good that I had gotten so far with Lisa, I also felt good that it wasn’t because she was drunk or desperate, we just liked each other in the moment. I’d never been liked in the moment before, at least not while I knew in that moment, and I had certainly never seen a girl, liked her and taken a chance and had some success before. That was all great.

What I really felt bad about though was Ellie. I mean I loved Ellie, maybe not in that way an eighty year old man loves his seventy nine year old wife who he met down by the lake way back when he was thirteen and she was twelve. But I did love her, in my way. And I had lost her, after just a fleeting moment of thinking she could be mine. And why? Not because she didn’t like me back, not because I had done something wrong, but because she thought seeing me would make her want to have sex with me and that wouldn’t be right while she had a boyfriend she didn’t want to be her boyfriend. That’s enough to make anyone upset, especially someone like myself.

I didn’t tell Hannah this though. She would have made me fight for Ellie, I know Hannah well enough by now. She would be getting me to make some grand gesture or at least tell Ellie how I felt, and the reality is I just didn’t have the guts. I wanted to call her, but I was so nervous about that roommate boyfriend of hers answering that the furthest I ever got was dialing her number a couple of times and hanging up before it even started ringing.

I did send her some txt messages, one time I even got a reply, it said “JayJay, please stop txting me, I just can’t see you, I know you understand”.

I wrote a text back saying “Understand, fuck no I don’t understand, it makes no fucking sense to me” but then sent to Hannah. Hannah called and said what’s wrong, and I lied and said that I was still upset about the Canadian party. This was not the right thing to say.

About fifteen minutes later Hannah was knocking on my door. She was dressed in one of her “everyone look at me, and just wish you could fuck me” outfits, with more skin showing than clothes.

“We’re going clubbing” She said

“Hhhhmmmn…..well…..no….I don’t really want to” I replied

“I know you don’t JayJay” She said in a breathy tone which suggested that she had heard all this crap before and knew it was coming again, but still didn’t really want to go through our usual pattern, which of course I made her go through.

“You can’t stay in this apartment all night…..You owe me…..Stop feeling sorry for yourself….it will be fun, I promise….if you don’t like it we can come home early, but you have to come for a little while….lets go inside and get you all dressed up….have I told you how cute your looking lately…..if a virgin like Lisa liked you, think how much all those sluts in a nightclub will want you…..what if I promise you’ll get laid tonight, promise, absolutely, I’d even do it myself with you if we cant find someone else who will….no not pity sex, sex with you would be great for anyone…..I reckon I would know ten girls I could get around to sleep with you tonight…..no I wont get them around…..how about this if we go out tonight and you don’t pick up a cute chick, and take her home tonight, then I’ll introduce you to all my friends that would sleep with you….or how about if you come out and even of you do get some I’ll still introduce you….you know I’m right about this don’t you….have I ever steered you wrong before…..I mean the Canadian thing was partly my fault, but look how good you did…..come on JayJay…I’ll be your best friend forever…..I’ll let you touch my tits….seriously…..look” She said before raising her top to reveal herself to me.

“O….k I’ll come” I said as I reached out to grab them only to have Hannah pull her top down before I got there, then give me a hug, and say “Not till the end of the night, and only if you don’t get any others”

Hannah must somehow have sensed reluctance on my part to come with her, because she came straight in, had a go at me for leaving all of my clothes on the floor, and then found the ones she thought looked best, or maybe were just cleanest, and practically dressed me herself. She then dragged me out of the apartment by my arm and down to the train station.

The club she chose for our evening of fun was called ‘The Secret Box’, which I thought was a little inaccurate, seeing as there were about fifty people waiting to get in “not a huge secret” I thought. For once Hannah didn’t know anyone, so we had to wait in line like everyone else. This turned out not to be too bad, as the line did include two scantly dressed cuties. I mentioned to Hannah that I thought by their dress that they were obviously up for sex tonight. They were both dressed the same, but in different colors, with tight barely more than a bra tops, small barely more than underpants shorts, and knee high fury boots, which looked like polar bear feet. Hannah said that this attire didn’t necessarily mean they were looking for male attention. Apparently some girls just get dressed up all scantly just for a girl’s night of dancing, and don’t actually want to meet any boys. Seems a bit fucking stupid to me, if you don’t want to attract guys, why wear clothes that will attract them, I will never understand the other sex.

Despite the fact that most of the guys were wearing clothes quite similar to mine, I felt completely out of place as I entered the club. I felt like a black man at a Klu Klux Klan meeting, and I was sure everyone was starring at me. Hannah saw it differently, as we sat down at a table she said “Did you see all those girls check you out on the way in, well you do look hot, even if I did pick that outfit out myself”. I didn’t feel hot, well I did, I mean it was stinking hot down there, there were no windows and the place was packed with people dancing and heating up the place, but I didn’t feel that kind of hot.

Hannah said she would get drinks and asked what I wanted, and I said I’d have whatever she got, and I was told that that wasn’t allowed, because she would be having a “girl drink”, and if I got one, the girls wouldn’t like me, and I should get a beer. Have I mentioned how silly I think girls can be sometimes yet?

So we sat back and I had a beer and Hannah had something which glowed florescent yellow, and she said I needed to have a game plan.

“What kind of game plan” I replied

“You know….what’s your tactics going to be…to pick up?”

“I don’t know…I don’t have tactics”

“What have you done in the past?”

“Hannah, I think you know me better than that by now….in the past I have just not come to places like this”

“You mean you have never been to a nightclub, ever!”

“Never ever” I honestly replied

“Oh my god”

“Just not my kind of thing really”

“What” She could hardly hear me, I could hardly hear her, the music was very loud

“JUST NOT MY KIND OF THING REALLY”

“Oh…..well I’m going to make it your thing”

“How do you plan to do that?”

“By making sure you have a good time”

“How do you plan on doing that?”

“I’m going to get you pissed off your face….I’m going to get you shaking your ass on the dance floor…and I’m going to get you fucking a moisty before the sun is up”

“What was that last bit….I can’t hear” I heard everything up till the dancing bit

“I”M GOING TO HAVE YOU FUCKING A HOT CHICK BEFORE THE SUN IS UP”

Why do the quiet bits of the songs always come on just as someone is yelling something like that at you? This particular line was heard by at least thirty people around us and I was more than happy to have all those people starring at me, and just delighted when one girl said “It won’t be me” in my direction.

Hannah did get one bit right, she was going to get me particularly pissed. She was buying me beers like they were some antidote to a severe disease I had contracted and I would die if I didn’t consume at least my own body weight in beer before ..two am...

Subsequently much of the rest of the night is a bit hazy. I have a great recollection of sitting with Hannah with her telling me to “drink up”. I have some memory of me being dragged out onto the dance floor and doing the ‘drunk mans stumble’ with Hannah for a while. I have an ok memory of Hannah telling me numerous times that apparently some girl had “Checked me out” and I should go over and talk to her. I have some memory of telling Hannah over and over “I just can’t…I’m sorry”. I also have some memory of sitting on a stool feeling kind of ordinary while Hannah went and talked to just about every girl in the entire place. I didn’t really like the thought of her trying to talk girls into having sex with me. I did like the thought of her being successful at it. I didn’t like the fact that none of them actually came over.

I have no memory of the time Hannah swears I went up to a girl and said “My friend says I am going to get laid tonight, so do you want to come home with me?” Seems like something that firstly I wouldn’t have done, and secondly if I did I would remember, or at least I would still be able to see the mark left on my face from where she inevitably would of slapped me. I also have no memory of when Hannah apparently made good on her promise to let me feel her breasts if I didn’t get to feel any others, also sounds like something I would remember.

I do have a memory of waking up next to Hannah, who was wearing one of my t-shirts, and had her arm around me, and thinking “This isn’t bad”, then urgently launching myself off the top bunk, slamming down on the floor right on the side of my foot, then vomiting on the carpet next to me as I screamed in pain at my now rapidly swelling badly sprained ankle.

I also have memory of the next two weeks when I couldn’t walk and had to get around on crutches, and was in severe pain for long periods. Although I also have memory of the two cute girls who came up to me that week to see if I needed any help. I didn’t, but I wish I had of. Maybe I should have just lied and said “Some help would be great”. Why do I always think of these brilliant ideas way, way, way after the event?

Unfortunately despite all that had resulted from Hannah’s attempts to cheer me up, I was still feeling rather down. For once it just seemed that Hannah was not going to be the person who would turn my frown up side down. It was about to happen though. And it happened from one of the least likely sources imaginable.