Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

“One lesson life teaches us over and over again,

Is that even when everything seems to be going bad,

It doesn’t mean it will remain that way forever!”

It started with guilt. I had been able to avoid any real guilt towards Brad from the start. For one thing he didn’t seem real to me. I had never seen him, I had never met him, he was just like some made up character in a movie which I hadn’t yet seen, and didn’t really want to see, an illusion.

The other thing was the only time I ever heard him mentioned was obviously by Ellie, and when Ellie mentioned him it usually was in context of something like “You wouldn’t believe what fucking Brad said to me today” or “I can’t believe what an asshole brad has been lately”. Ellie never had even the slightest kind word to say about him. She made him out to be like some demonesk creature, sent to earth from the devil himself just to mock her, and berate her, and make her feel ugly and worthless. And I was her angel sent to treat her like a goddess, and make her feel loved, and beautiful, and wanted.

I had no reason to feel guilt for Brad. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was saving Ellie from evil, I was spreading happiness, and I was taking away misery. I somehow conveniently forgot to think of the fact that Ellie had once loved him, that he may still love her, that I only ever heard one side of the story, and that maybe Ellie wasn’t the same incredibly being around Brad as she was around me.

That all changed though on a day I decided I needed new underwear. Well actually Hannah decided I needed new underwear. She was around at my place watching television with me in my as usual messy apartment. I had crap flown all over the place, including pretty much all of my clothes, which for some reason included having a pair of underpants hanging from the rabbit ear aerials I used to get television reception. Actually they were there from the night before when Ellie had ripped them from my body and tossed them aside right before letting her hunger overtake her and devouring my penis for her dinner. I didn’t tell Hannah that though. As sexual forward as Hannah had always been with me I had never been able to feel comfortable with talking about my sex life with her at all openly. In fact our sex talk usually just went along the lines of her saying something like “You got laid last night didn’t you, you little sex fiend?” and I would reply by smiling just a little, then trying to hide the smile from Hannah, which would make me smile even more, before Hannah would jump on me yelling something like “Watch out for JayJay sex god”, or “When am I going to get my turn you sexy little stud?”

Anyways I had underpants hanging from the aerial. They had been mentioned briefly earlier in the night when Hannah had arrived, something like “Nice decorations”, but nothing else. Until about two hours after Hannah had arrived when she turned to me and said “If you’re going to use underpants as decorations, then you should at least use your nice ones”

“What do you mean nice ones? ….all my underpants are like those” I replied

“I really hope you’re joking JayJay”

“No…why…there just underpants”

“Jason, those are disgusting….they are old and they have started to turn brown….I hope just from age….and surely you don’t let Ellie let you see you in those”

“Um…..well….yes”

“Oh no Jas, that’s awful….I would have got you some nice ones if I had of known you were wearing these all the time”

“What’s the difference….there just too….um….you know….hold in your bat and balls, its not like I parade around in them”

“But they are the last thing Ellie sees you in before you have sex?”

“Yes”

“Well that’s gross….that is not a pretty sight”

“All the more reason for her to nudenise me all the quicker then” I declared

“And you wouldn’t care if she was wearing disgusting old panties under her skirt?”

“No….well you know nice underwear is nice….but guys don’t care about stuff like that…we’re all about getting to what’s below the panties”

“Well trust me JayJay….girls care about the state of a guys underthings, it tells us a lot about you….and these say ‘I’m going to give you genital warts’”

“Really….?”

“Yes really, well more likely ‘really are these your underpants? Then no I have changed my mind and we won’t be having sex after all’” Hannah said, with her best attempt to replicate Ellie’s oh so cute baby voice

“Then what should I wear?” I asked

“Don’t worry about it…I’ll take you shopping tomorrow”

“Um…well thanks Hannah…but I think it might be better for me to go underpant shopping alone”

“Don’t be silly JayJay…you know I’d never let you pick out clothes on your own…I want you to look good”

And so the next day Hannah was around at my house bright and early to take me underpants shopping, hip hooray. She took me to this place called ‘Big Brothers Smalls’, which apparently was quite a fashionable place to go to buy underwear and things like pajamas, handkerchiefs and toiletries. Upon entering we walked through about three hectares of women’s lingerie, in all sorts of arse flossing design’s, mostly looking incredibly sexy, and putting some quite nice images in my mind, until I started to look at the clientele around the store and found it to include a large smattering of older women and larger women. Not that there is anything wrong with either of those things. Just that I don’t want to picture women like that in a g-string small enough to be stored in a match box.

Eventually we found the menswear section hidden way in the back corner. Now for some reason underwear manufacturers feel that the best way to encourage a person such as myself into buying their products, is for them to put on the cover a large picture of a man with a six pack as obvious as the rocky mountains, and with a penis bulge as prominent and as big as their heads.

I can promise any of you out there right now, if you want to sell me underpants, do not, I repeat DO NOT, force me to buy a product which both makes me feel completely inadequate as a man, completely unattractive, and make the shop assistant question whether I am in fact buying them because I need underpants, or if I’m buying them because I am a closet homosexual and find this the least embarrassing way of buying porn for me to masturbate to. That does not make for a pleasant shopping experience. Why cant we have the pictures of women in lingerie from the women’s section, like Kylie Minogue in a g-string on the men’s underpants, and girls can have Marky Mark and his amazing twelve inch tool over there.

“So what should I get” I asked Hannah while looking at a male g-string out of the corner of my eye and getting ready to run out of the store if Hannah even suggested they were a possibility

“You need boxer briefs”

“What the hell are boxer briefs?”

“They’re sort of like boxer shorts, only with the tightness of briefs, so you can still show off your package”

“And that’s what the girls like us in these days?” I asked, full of skepticism

“Depends…if you have a good body, then these are the ones for you”

“So then they are not the ones for JayJay!”

“Jason…I know you like to joke that your still the fat kid from highschool, but you know that you are not anymore, time to start being proud of that hot little body you have been working so hard to achieve”

“Well I don’t really work that hard, just the odd run…..I guess my metabolism just changed”

“Even fucking better…you’re naturally hot…you dress like it on the outside now…now start dressing like it on the inside…trust me, girls have a sixth sense…they can tell when they will like what they will find under a guys jeans, and if they think they will like it then they will want to get there all the more often”

“Ok….so which ones then”

“These” She handed me up a box of Calvin Klein white boxer briefs which had a picture on the cover of a guy giving me a look like he was saying “Come on you know you want to get into my underpants”.

I looked at the price and literally dropped them on the floor. They were seriously more money than the entire rest of my wardrobe had cost me with Hannah at the second hand store. I think Hannah could sense my disapproval, because without even asking me she said “JayJay, we got your other clothes at a second hand store, you cannot under any circumstances buy second hand underwear, you get the rest of your stuff cheap so you can afford these…besides you have your big animation man money now anyway”.

“Oooooo…kkkk” I gave as my usual reluctant give in response to a tirade from Hannah. Hannah jumped up with enthusiasm at having again talked me into something, and then went about stacking my arms with a section of boxes of underpants with enough semi naked boys on the fronts to cover the whole gay porn industry.

Hannah then pushed me on to the check out counter where I plopped them down on the counter. The check out chick was surprisingly a man. He was a large plump roundish sort of fat man, with a shaved head and little goatee beard, wearing a suit which looked a couple of sizes too small, and a look on his face which clearly suggested that he had had one hell of an awful day.

He sighed as he went about scanning all of my extravagantly expensive undergarments, and then proceeded to look sadder and sadder as we waited for him.

“Are you ok?” Hannah asked, being the one of the two of us most likely to have the confidence to ask a question like that

“Yeah I’m ok” He replied

“Are you sure”

“Yeah just been a hard day” He said while clearly now struggling not to cry

“Oh my god” Hannah said “What’s wrong…you can tell me”

“Well….I don’t know” He said now clearly now no longer trying not to cry, and instead trying hard not to cry too much

“It’s ok mate….you can tell us…we might be able to help” I said

“You gay fag” I thought, about myself, not him

“You big girl” I thought, about him, not myself

“Well….um….it’s just that” he paused while he wiped a stream of tears away from his face “well it’s a lot of things….I just got demoted, I used to work in the computer section of our parent company, ‘Tifamart’, and I love computers, but they sent me down to here to sell underwear…and wouldn’t even tell me why”

“That’s horrible” Hannah said with genuine affection “Go on”

“Then down here all I get all day is women buying sexy underwear to wear for their boyfriends and their husbands, and they’re are always asking me questions like ‘Do you think my husband would like me in this g-string better or this teddy better?’, and I’m like ‘I don’t know, how do I know what your husband likes’…..and the thing is….it just makes me so depressed….especially when I see a happy couple like you two….because I love someone…my girlfriend….but I don’t think she loves me anymore”

“Oh my god why do you think that?” Hannah asked

“We’re not actually a couple, we’re just friends…I have a girlfriend though….its just not her” I added, which actually didn’t help anyone

“Its just that….I don’t know….she’s not affectionate anymore…..we don’t hug anymore, we don’t kiss anymore…..we live together, so we see each other every day…..but we haven’t actually been together for months”

“You mean you haven’t had sex?” Hannah asked, I thought quite nosily, but he didn’t seem to mind, he seemed quite happy for the opportunity to talk about this stuff in fact, I could think of better people than two strangers buying underpants to talk about my relationship issues with, but I did honestly feel bad for him, I know what its like to feel un-loved, and its not a good thing

“Oh no, sex hasn’t been an issue for at least two years…I don’t even bother suggesting it anymore….Ellie actually told me once…that I was too….that I was too…..that I was too fat to have sex with anymore” He struggled to get out without falling into a huge mountain of crying

“Ellie! What a coincidence” I optimistically thought to myself

“So what do you think she wants?” Hannah asked

“I think she wants to break up with me…..I just don’t think she knows how, and I love her way too much to make it easy for her….its just getting so hard now……I just want things to be the way they used to be….we were happy…she loved me too….I want that again”

“That just might not be possible” Hannah said

“I know…I know….I can’t let go…not yet….just not yet” He said before suddenly wiping away some more tears, then giving himself a shake “Ok ok….that’s enough….I don’t need to bother you two with this anymore….I mean thanks for listening, but it’s my problem…I’ll deal with it, I don’t need to bother customers”

“You have been no bother….honestly, I’m glad you told us…I just wish we could help more” Hannah responded

“No no…you have helped honestly….I haven’t talked to anyone else about this…..I just couldn’t, but….I don’t know…..I just needed to....and you have such a friendly face”

“Well thanks…..listen here’s my number ok” Hannah said as she grabbed a business card off the table and began to write down her number “you call me anytime you want to chat…seriously….I know it’s good to have a stranger to talk to sometimes”

“Well thankyou” he looked at the number and read her name “Hannah….I’m Brad by the way” he reached out and shook her hand

“Nice to meet you Brad….we’ll leave you to it ok…call me promise, ok?”

“Ok….really nice to meet you too” He said

“That’s a fucking huge coincidence, isn’t it, that his name was Brad and his girlfriends name was Ellie, and they were having troubles, just like my Ellie and her boyfriend Brad, what are the odds on that, two couples in this area, with the same names, and the same issues, quite ironic actually, is that irony? What is irony anyway, that’s more like when you go to the doctor to complain that you might have a brain tumor, and he does some radioactive scans on your skull, which show that you in fact have no tumor, but then the radioactivity of the machine gives you a brain tumor. Or is that just bad luck? JayJay Domey kind of luck. What is it with bad luck anyway? Do some people actually have bad luck, and others actually have good luck, and it will always just be like that forever? Or is it like tossing a coin, there is a fifty percent chance that it will land on heads, and a fifty percent chance it will land on tails, and that’s always the case, on average every second one will be a head and every second one will be a tail, but if you throw the coin a few billion times there will still be times when the head comes fifty or a hundred times in a row, its unlikely, but over enough throws it will happen. So is luck just like that? People with bad luck are just the one in six billion people alive who just happened to have picked tails at a time where heads are running. Even though he has got it wrong fifty times in a row, statistically he still has a fifty percent chance that the next throw will be a tail. That’s quite a comforting thought actually. I know I have received heads most of the time in my life, but I have hit some great tails. Like meeting Hannah of course, someone who has pre-set bad luck couldn’t possibly have meet such a great girl, and had her be so willing to let him see her naked like she has at certain times, and even better let him be her friend for so long. Or like Ellie. How lucky am I to have found her. The one girl who I fell in love with, not just lust with, on the first time I saw her, and she is the first girl ever to feel that way about me too. That’s not luck. That’s fate, that’s divine intervention, that’s someone planning out in advance. I mean Ellie isn’t perfect; there is that whole Brad thing of course. I can’t believe there are actually two Ellie and Brad’s in this area out there, that’s an enormous coincidence. It is different though. Ellie’s Brad is a real asshole, she is always telling me, where as that other Ellie, the one with Brad in that shop, well that Brad didn’t seem like an asshole, a bit fat maybe, a bit girly maybe, not like physically, but like the way he cried in front of us. But then again if it was me, I wouldn’t have the guts to talk to strangers. I’d crawl into a hole and scrunch up into a ball, and cry my eyes out alone. Maybe it is manlier to have the guts to tell someone you’re sad, and scared, and lonely, than to just hide it all away. Real coincidence though, those names being the same, as you know my Ellie and her boyfriend. That Brad couldn’t possibly be her Brad, could he? Surely not. But what are the odds of there being two. I hope that’s not him, I don’t want to be doing this to him. I don’t want to not be seeing Ellie either though. Why does everything bad happen to me? Why do I have all the bad luck? What’s the deal with bad luck anyway? Are some people just born with it?” I thought to myself as we walked out

“I know what you’re thinking” Hannah said to me as we approached the train station

“Yeah” I replied

“And you’re going to do something about it aren’t you?”

“Yeah”

“Ellie Belly?” I said to Ellie the next time she came around, two nights later

“What Hooray for JayJay” She replied (she had started calling me ‘Hooray for JayJay’ recently, in retaliation for the whole Ellie Belly thing, we both complained, but I think we both secretly loved it)

“Remember earlier tonight…when you walked in the room and dropped straight to your knees, and then undid my belt and then pulled down my jeans, and then pulled down my underpants, and then did that lovely, well you know?”

“Yeah of course I remember…do you want me to do it again?”

“Well no….well yeah, but that’s not why I brought it up”

“Then why?”

“Well you know when you pulled down my jeans? (She nodded), and remember when you were giving me my loving? (she nodded again), well remember the bit in between, you know, did you notice anything different?”

“Oh yeah…your new boxer briefs….they are so sexy…I was going to say something before….but seeing you in them just made me want to get to what was under them as quick as possible”

I smiled “Thanks…yeah I went underwear shopping… I got a whole pile”

“That’s great! I mean I wasn’t going to say anything, but your old ones were seriously gross” she confessed

“I know…that’s what Hannah told me”

“And when was Hannah in your pants” She said with a glare

“No no no no…she just saw them on the ground” I said suddenly scared

“Ha ha ha ha…I know JayJay…besides you can sleep with whoever you want to”

“Ok (‘what the fuck?’) Well anyway….the reason I brought it up……the thing is right”

“Yes”

“Well the thing is I went shopping for underwear two days ago…..and …well … um….well we…me and Hannah that is…..we went to ‘Big Brothers Smalls’ to by them”

The look on Ellie’s face right now, like a star trek nerd seeing a real live alien ship and discovering right away that they were not in fact searching for new frontiers, but were looking for anus’s to examine, just complete shock, confirmed for me what I was really trying to find out, but I continued still “and we met this sales assistant there, a male one”

“Oh my god…what did you tell him?”

“Nothing….I promise nothing….only thing is, he told us some stuff”

This was to be the start of what soon turned out to be lots of major arguments between me and Ellie. I had made a decision now, I loved Ellie, I wanted her in my life, I wanted all of her though, I couldn’t let it continue as an affair. I wanted us to be in a real relationship. Ellie had different ideas though. She said she loved me too, she agreed that a relationship between us would be great. She just couldn’t bring herself to go through the pain of breaking up with Brad.

We began to argue about this issue every time we saw each other. It was awful. I hated arguing with her. I never wanted to make her feel bad. I wanted to make her feel like a princess on her sweet sixteenth birthday. I wanted her happiest moment of the day to be the first moment of the day she saw me. I just didn’t want to be so cruel, like a kid with a magnifying glass on a sunny day at an ant hill, to a guy like Brad, for me to have her in my life. I would have hated to be in his shoes. I could think of nothing worse in the entire world.

Yet it was this massive catch 22, which is a stupid name for something to be. What the hell does catch 22 mean? Why 22? Why not catch 3245? And while I think about it, how on earth can something be a rule of thumb? What the hell has thumbs got to do with rules, it’s just stupid? Why not rule of index finger? Why not rule of pinky toe? Why does it have to be a body part at all? And what’s the deal with ‘Curiosity killed the cat?’ Why do so many clichés have to involve the vicious killings of cute helpless pets? Sorry, just these sayings are so stupid most of the time.

Anyway, the big catch 54786 was that I didn’t want to have Ellie if it meant cheating on anyone, but I loved Ellie and couldn’t bring myself to end it. Where as Ellie loved me and wanted me in her life, but just as long as that didn’t mean she had to break the heart of her former lover, whom she still loved, just as a friend. Maybe that’s what irony is? Or is it all that bad luck stuff from that Alanis Morrisette song, you know ‘Ironic’, she said all that stuff was ironic, ‘like having lots of knives when you just need a fork’ or something, I don’t know just too confusing.

So this was a massive problem for us. We fought about it lots. We started to end our evenings together, not having desperate problems ending an embrace, not trying to sneak in just one more kiss before she ‘really, really, really have to go’, but sometimes just regretting that we saw each other at all. When we first started seeing each other she wouldn’t be over more than two minutes before we would be in the act of spreading some love around. Now she would come and stay for three hours and we might not even get into sex or even cuddling, we would just argue.

Then I would start to resent Brad again, for putting this rift between us. And I’d let up on her for a while and things would be good again. Which would make me feel guilt towards Brad again, and we would fight again. It was a vicious cycle. Thing is I know I was being hard on Ellie. I couldn’t fathom being in her situation, it would be six years away before it was even possible for me to feel the same. Ellie was easily my longest relationship, and we weren’t even officially in a relationship, I was just her affair from her long time love. Thing is, I know she felt the guilt too. I know she still loved Brad in her way, I know she loved me too; she was consumed by her guilt. She didn’t need me reminding her all the time.

But then I would get the guilt trips from Hannah too. She now knew them both, she knew how Ellie felt about me, but she cared for Brads feelings, and she would pressure me to make Ellie end it officially. It put strains on my friendship with Hannah aswell. Soon enough none of the people in my life were really ever happy about me, even though they clearly still cared for me deeply.

After a while the solution to all the argument and all the strain ended up being that Ellie and I gradually started seeing less and less of each other. From four nights a week, to two nights a weeks, to once a fortnight, to once every three weeks. I hung on, because I loved her, but I could feel that we were dying. I didn’t want us to die, but there was nothing else I could do.

Then Ellie did something which changed my life forever.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

“Never let your fears stop you from pursuing your goals;

You’ll never achieve anything until you learn to never give up!”

“Where have you been?” Ellie asked in a frustrated tone as soon as she spotted me

“Just up at the shops…have you been waiting long” I replied

“Well yeah….but it’s not your fault…that’s what I get for coming over unannounced”

“I’m sorry anyway”

“Thanks….thing is though; I wanted to surprise you with a present”

“Really, you got me a present…..you didn’t have to do that”

“I know….well its sort of a present for both of us” She pulled out of her bag a cubed shaped present wrapped in lilac tissue paper with a turquoise ribbon around it. I’d never in my life received a present so nicely wrapped

“Can I open it?”

“Can we go inside first? That’s if you’re free for us to hang out for a little while?” she asked

“Ok let’s go inside” I said as I opened up the door and let her in before me “I’ve got no plans for the afternoon, so I’d love to hang out”

We sat down on the couch together, and Ellie began to rub my knee

“Ok now open it”

I undid the paper, softly so not to ruin such a nice wrapping job, and inside found a blue box wrapped in clear cellophane, with a logo on it which was strangely familiar. I turned the box around and read the front and it said ‘Tiger Condoms’ – put the bite back in your sex life”.

“It’s a twenty four pack” Ellie said “So we should be good for few days without having the same problem as last night” she said with a smile

“Holy shit” I thought as my jaw rested on top of the box in a state of disbelief

“Do you want to try one out right now?” Ellie asked as she slid in slightly closer to me so that she was now starting to cuddle me from the side

“Ahhhh…..ummmm….well….yes….of course” I mumbled

“Holy shit” I thought

Then Ellie began to kiss me on the neck, while I sat dumbfounded for a few more seconds. Until she started to kiss me on my mouth and I started to get into it. Even after the less than successful attempt at making love with Ellie the night before I was for some reason not really nervous at all this time. I lost myself in the moment, and just tried to concentrate on making sure I could make Ellie enjoy it as much as possible. Fortunately Ellie had no problems taking the lead and telling me what to do.

We started out kissing each other all over as we removed each others clothes one piece at a time, and then gave whatever new bit of skin that was exposed lots of attention with our lips and tongues. Then Ellie told me to sit back and enjoy. I wasn’t sure exactly what she had in mind until she began to kiss me down my stomach and then below my stomach. “Oh my god… Oral sex for me?”

Oral sex isn’t too bad a thing really. It’s amazing that someone like me who is so self-conscience that I couldn’t even consider going to the toilet in a urinal in case another guy walked into the bathroom, could then be more than happy to have a girl who made me scared just to be around, because I was so crazy about her, have my penis in her mouth. I didn’t get self conscience at all. I resisted my inclinations to lie there while she was doing this completely panicking about the thought that while she was doing this that she was thinking to herself “Jesus Christ this is a small ugly one”, in fact it only crossed my mind five or six times in the thirty seconds she was down there before I was done.

I also resisted the temptation to argue with myself over whether to tell her or not that an orgasm was imminent, and therefore talk myself out of an orgasm. I decided to just let it happen naturally, and deal with the consequences later, if there were to be any. I think Ellie was probably a little surprised when I exploded twenty two years of sexual frustration into her mouth thirty seconds after she started sucking on it. She did have some trouble swallowing the whole lot. Her cheeks filled up like she was trying to blow up a balloon, and then she made one of those big all body, face contorting loud swallows. However after she had swallowed it all down, then scooped in the bit which had trickled down her chin, and eaten that too, all she said was “You taste so good JayJay”. I didn’t really believe her, but I thought it was sweet anyway. Then she said “I’m not going to have to eat steak for a month”, which made absolutely no sense to me, but then the fact she was sitting naked in front of me, with a pile of my sexual reproductive fluid in her stomach made about as much sense to me as giving a blind man tickets to a silent movie.

After that Ellie asked if I would now “do her”, which I believe I correctly took to mean giving her oral sex. I kissed my way back down there and licked away again like I was licking up maple syrup after a plate of delicious pancakes, and Ellie again guided me with comments like “Right there” and “Yes, yes, yes” which I quite enjoyed. And she again tried to crush my head and then thank me three or four times, which I took to mean she had quite enjoyed the experience.

Then we actually made love. Having already organsmed from the oral sex I was quite relaxed going into actual intercourse. We started with Ellie on top of me, until I started to arch my back, and she started to bang her head on the roof. So we switched to me in control. At first it was very awkward, but I soon found a good rhythm and was keeping it up for ages. Then Ellie started to moan more and more, and this got me more and more turned on, then I would pump away harder and harder, and she would moan even more, which would turn me on more and more, so I would pump even harder, like I was trying to hammer in a ten foot nail as quickly as possible, and she started to say things like “Yes, yes, yes” and “Keep going”, and “Yes hard just like that” and it got me so turned on that I exploded right inside one of the condoms she had so very kindly brought around for me, right about the same time as she now tried to crush my pelvic bone between her thighs, and we both collapsed into a big sweaty hug.

Ellie said about four or five times in a row “that was so good JayJay”, and I felt about the happiest I had ever felt in my life. My first real proper sexual experience and I had performed admirably despite my nerves, and had satisfied my lady friend with aplomb. I felt proud, and manly, and just plain good and warm inside.

In fact there was really only one thing that I got wrong all evening. Ellie excused herself to go to the bathroom at one point, and I decided to take the opportunity to work at something in my nose which had been bothering me for a little while. I stuck my finger up there to nearly the knuckle, and pulled out a booga about the size of a goldfish. Only thing was just as I was feeling the relief from freeing that from my nasal cavity, Ellie suddenly started to open the door. Trying to think fast I searched all around for a place to wipe it, but found nothing, then in a panic, just as she was closing the door behind her I quickly jammed it back inside my nostril, where it again sat uncomfortably for another thirty minutes while we cuddled. Although I’m not quite sure why I decided to tell you that.

After those thirty minutes had blissfully passed, the worst moment of the night came, just as I was drifting off to sleep in complete merriment, Ellie turned to me and said “Sorry I have to go now, Brad will be home soon”. “Don’t fucking say that” I thought, “don’t say that” I said. However despite my heartfelt pleas for her not to leave and spend the whole night with me, up she did get, and leave she did. I’d never spent a whole night in bed with a girl before, and it had always felt normal. That night however the other side of the bed felt completely empty. The only thing that could console me was the knowledge of what had taken place right there only hours earlier and the promise Ellie had made on departure that “We have to do this again real soon”.

Real soon turned out to be the next night. Hooray for me! Ellie showed up at around five thirty still wearing her ‘Friendly Furniture’ outfit. Only not for long, she practically stripped naked before we had said hello. And within two minutes of her arrival we were going at it like two panda bears trying to save their species. We never even made it to the bed, just did it on the couch, and again I must say, I did quite a good effort of achieving satisfaction for my partner, at least that’s the impression I got.

“Sorry…..I just couldn’t get you out of my mind today” Ellie said through deep breath as we lay uncomfortably but happily having completed our sexy time.

“You never have to say sorry to me for allowing me to do that with you” I replied

“Are you sure you don’t mind….I mean last night was so good…I just had to have more”

“Of course I don’t mind…..was I really good?”

“Are you kidding…you’re the best JayJay….do you know how long it’s been since I had really good sex?”

“No….but I know what that feels like”

“Really…have you had some droughts too?”

“Oh yeah”

“What’s the worst you have had….six months?” she optimistically asked

“Something like that” I lied

“Oh ok…well you’re not going to have any droughts anytime soon…..I mean hopefully we can do this regularly”

“Really….well you know I want to…I’m here anytime you want me”

And so started the first ever period of my life where sex was listed on my list of regularly performed past times. Ellie Belly (as she hated me calling her) would come over three or four nights a week, whenever Brad was working late, and we would make love, and other stuff too, talk and cuddle, and watch movies, then when the clock hit closing time for Brads shop, Ellie would disappear from my arms, always leaving me grasping for more and guaranteeing we would both be yearning for each other all day until we could next be in each others presence. In actual fact, I think you could probably even say that I had a sex life. Wow I actually could say I had a sex life. If someone was to ask me one day

“So JayJay old chap, how goes thy sex life in these recent times?”

“Overly splendid as a matter of fact” I could reply

“That’s delightful news young master Domey” They’re bound to exclaim

“Yes it most certainly is good sir, in fact one could proclaim that I have in fact been getting thy rocks off on quite a remarkably regular interval of time” I would be forced to reply

“That’s marvelous, three cheers for JayJay, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray, now sir, I believe such fantastic news is worthy of a celebratory scone” They’re likely to respond

“How delicious! You must be sure to thank your mother for cooking such an enticing and wonderful snack for us here to celebrate my most satisfactory life of sex” I could say.

Times were good. I began my new job for EMK soon after this, and settled in remarkably well. The rest of the staff were really friendly to me, and the work was so much fun and so easy, it seemed so unlikely that I could be paid to do it. The most satisfying part of all though was the first time I turned on the cartoon channel and got to watch a cartoon which I had done some of the drawings for, and then seeing my name on the credits at the end as one of the animators. I have watched television my whole life and I don’t think I had ever read the credits before, and it made me feel really good to think of the many other people over the years who had gotten to see all their hard work come together in the sole purpose of entertaining people, and then see their names up on the screen as an extra bonus reward.

Working on TV may not be quite as important a job as say a doctor, or an army general, or a toilet scrubber, but I think it’s quite an honorable job. What do you do for a living? I entertain people, I put smiles on people’s faces, and I make people happy. And who couldn’t do with just a little bit of extra happiness in their lives. If there is in fact anyone in the world who couldn’t squeeze in just a little bit more, then I hope they die a horrible painful death, so they can feel like I had to most of my life.

With work taking up lots of my time, and then school after work a couple of nights a week, Ellie coming over three or four nights a week, and then hanging out with Hannah in basically all the other free time I had, I was suddenly very busy. Busyness is a remarkable antidote to negative self talk. I really didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself anymore. It barely even crossed my mind to dedicate a considerable period of time to just reminding myself of all the embarrassing things I have done over the course of my often unremarkable life.

I had found contentment. Contentment is great, I recommend it to anyone. Of course I hope you people out there aren’t thinking that this is where my story ends. I think you should know me better than that by now. You know contentment could never be a reliable state for me. There are always going to be ups and downs in life, like an airport, sure most planes go up no worries, most also come down no worries, but sometimes they just blow up in an enormous ball of flame, and leave behind hundreds of charcoaled bodies, which rescue workers then have to peel off the seats they were melted onto from the combination of sizzling flesh and melting fake leather seats. Life is a roller coaster baby, you just have to ride it, and I had been going up a steep hill for quite a while, it was time for the inevitable stomach emptying fall.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

“Always be prepared for great things to happen;

Sometimes dreams do come true!”

By the morning I was convinced of two things. Ellie would probably never want to talk to me again, and if I had only kept condoms in the house then we would have had sex, and she wouldn’t even have asked me the time, so it was definitely all my fault. So I decided that even though it would be as embarrassing as confessing to an old lady on a bus that she was prettier than the prettiest girl I had ever slept with, and even though it would probably be a long time before the chance came up again, I needed to have condoms in the house, just in case, no matter how unlikely.

So that morning I went to the pharmacist down the road. I figured morning time would probably be the best time to go, less people around. I walked in and started to walk around the racks, until I finally spotted the condom rack, above a section of men’s deodorant, and next to a range of pregnancy tests.

I looked across to see who was working behind the counter. It was an elderly Asian woman, “perfect” I thought. The last thing I wanted was to be served by a guy of any age, or any woman who I would be attracted to in anyway. I began to look over the rack, and was astonished by the choices. Colored ones, flavoured ones, different sizes, extra sensitive, ribbed, rough rider, “Which bloody ones do you get?” I didn’t know. I didn’t want to embarrass myself by getting the wrong ones, how would that look if a girl asked me to pull on a condom, and I pulled on a blue one, and she had some real dislike for blue.

Suddenly someone came up from behind me

“Can I help you with anything sir?” a female voice asked

I spun around, and standing before me was a pretty girl about nineteen years old, with long straight brown hair, and braces on her teeth. I recognized her, but I couldn’t tell from where. Until it suddenly dawned on me that I had actually followed her home once, back in my peeping tom days.

“Um…um….um…yeah…no, I’m ok….I was just having a look” I replied

“Do you need any help with choosing any of these?” She said as she waved her hand over the rack of condoms.

“Fucking hell, you were a school girl a year ago, I followed you home and you lived with your parents, so I cut you from my list, and now you want to help me choose condoms, this isn’t right” I thought

“Um…um…no, well thing is…I wasn’t looking there….I actually need deodorant….which is the best one if you sweat lots” I said

“Very swarve you moron” I thought

“Oh ok, I thought you were looking up here…do you want a spray or a roll on?”

“Spray please”

“Ok well this one will provide you with the longest lasting protection from perspiration”

“Oh…ok, thanks….I’ll take that then”

I followed her over to the counter and caught my reflection in a mirror above a rack of reading glasses for sale. I was as red as the pack of ribbed condoms that were for sale “Red hot for red hot summer nights” it said on the pack. When I looked up from the mirror I caught this girl, and the Asian woman exchange glances which suggested that they knew all about what my actual intentions were when I came in. I purchased the deodorant barely looking up as the girl smiled all through taking my money and bagging my item, and I walked out feeling humiliated and defeated.

I went home, and put the deodorant in the bathroom. “Deodorant! How’s that going to fucking help you get laid?” I mumbled to myself. I knew that it couldn’t end like this. My mission for the day was to buy condoms, and condoms I was going to buy.

So I went to the seven eleven and bought a coke and nothing else, because right as the sales man asked me if I wanted “Anything else with that?” and right as I was about to say “Yes a pack of those” and point to the small rack of condoms they had on the counter, a women came in holding a baby. So instead I said “Yeah…um…no….just coke please” and ran from the store way more embarrassed than you should be after buying a coke.

Then I went to the supermarket and walked up the toiletries isle fifteen times, sometimes finding it empty long enough to study the cough lozenges which were stored below the condoms, but never long enough to get a pack in my hand basket, before finally giving up and buying a loaf of bread.

Then I went into the other pharmacist and found myself buying a packet of Band-Aids, after another women came up to me and asked if I needed help right at the time I was looking at the condoms. Don’t these people know how goddamn embarrassing it is to purchase those things, why can’t you just leave us alone when we’re looking? Why do they have to make it so hard? It’s no wonder fifty percent of girls these days get pregnant at an age where I hadn’t even talked to a girl, none of the boys they like are ever going to have the guts to buy those things.

After that I was forced down to my last option in my whole neighborhood - the gas station. I went in and spent a good five minutes looking at the magazines, while the thirty year old greasy shop assistant gave me looks as greasy as his hands for reading and not buying, which made me decide that I better buy one, so I picked out a FHM magazine, and held it for a moment before changing my mind. I didn’t want to buy a male perve magazine while buying condoms, people could get the wrong idea. So I put it back and grabbed a Time magazine, “Yeah right, as if I’ll ever read this” I thought to myself as I put in under my arm.

Then I looked through the chocolate rack, before grabbing a Snickers bar as customers came and went. Then jackpot, the shop was empty, and the shop assistant had his back turned refilling the cigarette stand. So I idled over to the condom section and quickly snatched the most normal looking pack of condoms I could see, and moved quickly over to the fridge to grab another coke.

Then with several items in hand, and my heart racing, I made my way towards the counter. Then just as I realized I was going to pull this off disaster struck! Suddenly two girls came in, absolute hotties. Just as pretty as you could imagine. I couldn’t possibly buy condoms with those two in the shop. So I quickly stashed my pack in amongst the potato chips, with no thought what so ever to the poor mum who will have to explain what they are to their kid when they’re eventually discovered there, then bought my coke, Snickers bar and Time magazine, and walked out a shattered broken man.

My mission of the day failed. No wonder I could never get sex, I couldn’t even talk myself into buying condoms, how was I supposed to talk a girl into letting me into her pants.

I escaped into the sanctuary of the toilet cubicle, washed my face, and had a good hard long look at the disgrace of a person I was. Then like an angel from god appearing before me in the desert to offer me water and guidance, I saw a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, just over my shoulder in the mirror, one of the greatest inventions of the twentieth century, a condom machine!

I turned around and searched my pockets for change, and then inserted the required two dollars into the machine, and turned the knob, and nothing came out. “What the fuck” I thought. I put in another two dollars and turned the knob again, and again nothing came out. “This is a bloody joke, where are my condoms, you fucking machine!” I punched the machine as hard as I could, then again. Then like an animal which does golden droppings, two latex miracle deniers suddenly plopped out onto the tray. I had my condoms, I had achieved my goal. And the best thing, I looked at the expiry date, I had nearly two years to use them, “There is an outside chance I’ll get laid in the next two years” I very optimistically thought to myself as I whistled all the way home. Turns out though I wasn’t going to have to wait for two years, there was actually someone waiting for me at my front door when I got home. It was Ellie!

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

“Never let a likely failure stop you from striving for the unlikely success;

Quitting is the only way you can guarantee failure”

Twenty five nervous sweaty minutes went past before Ellie was standing at my door. I think we both felt a little unsure about what the greeting situation was, and subsequently both moved in to hug each other, only at different times, so that we both were able to feel incredibly awkward, then for some reason I stuck out my hand and she gave me a weird look and shook it, then I nearly ran out onto the street and jumped in front of a moving car to save myself further embarrassment.

“Do you realize some prostitute out there just asked if I was looking for a good time, she was pretty too….but I don’t think I’m really in the mood to pay for lesbian sex” Ellie said as a way of breaking our uncomfortable silence

“You got asked if you were looking for a good time by one of the hookers, one of the attractive ones…that’s so not fucking fair, I’ve lived here for over a year and not one of those girls has asked me to have sex with them, even for money, not even the one who looks like she had swallowed two or three of her past clients…why is it so much fucking harder for us boys to get laid?” I thought to myself

“Yeah, they’re annoying as hell aren’t they? I’m going to move out of here very soon, as soon as I start getting paid for my new job” I replied

“Can I come in?”

“You bloody idiot JayJay, you have left her standing on the door for five minutes while complaining to yourself that prostitutes wont sleep with you, there is a beautiful girl in your doorway, let her in for Christ sake” I thought

“Sure…sorry…come in and sit down” I eventually replied

“So I heard about this new job of yours, it sounds so exciting”

We ended up spending the next thirty minutes talking about my new animation job. Ellie was so impressed, she asked a million questions. The one thing I had been disappointed with when I went to the interview was there didn’t seem to be that many cute girls walking around the offices, it was mostly a male staff. Not that I would ever have had the guts to talk to any of the girls who worked there, if some girls did work there, which they didn’t seem to. But being able to have a perve at work certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing. Give you something to look forward to every day. That wasn’t the case though, and had disappointed me. However I was just now starting to realize, while talking about my job with Ellie, that saying you were an animator for EMK Productions was definitely a cool and impressive answer to the “what do you do for a living?” question girls seem to care so much about.

Saying “I’m unemployed and go to University semi-fulltime was never a good reply to that question. Girls react to that answer by looking at their shoes briefly before suddenly remembering that they have to meet a friend somewhere. Saying you work nights as a security guard at a cling wrap factory was never too impressive either, well I guess some security guards could impress with that response. I on the other hand was a little weenie kid, on the rare occasion anyone asked me what I did for a living while I was doing that, the response “I work security” mostly got attempts from people to stop laughing in my face. Usually unsuccessful attempts to stop laughing in my face. Followed by comments like “You, a security guard, hahahhaha what are you going to stop? A pack of children attacking the place!” Yeah imagine that, a security guard who couldn’t stop a bunch of kids, how embarrassed would that be?

Why do girls care so much about that answer anyway? You all seem to have your own careers these days anyway, why cant you have the best job in a couple? Guys don’t care. You could answer that question from us with “I torture puppies for medical research” and we would just think “Oh yeah, I’d like to play with your puppies”.

After Ellie had finally exhausted her curiosity about my new job she said “let’s watch a movie”, then pulled out ‘Brigit Jones’s Diary’ and a movie called ‘Fever Pitch’. I gave it about two seconds thought and not surprisingly chose ‘Fever Pitch’, even though I had never heard of it before.

It was an English romantic comedy about a couple who struggle to make their relationship work due to his obsession with football, and her lack of understanding how anyone could love a sporting team so much. It was fantastic.

We started watching the movie sitting on the same couch together, but on opposite ends of the couch. However somehow during the movie we had both slid towards the centre and were now touching each others legs just lightly. Even though the movie was really good, I was disappointed with it ending because I was starting to think about the prospect of putting my arm around her. Although there was some relief at not having to make my move. It’s like when you’re with a group of people, and someone suggests, “Hey why don’t we get some pizzas, and your taste buds spring to attention, and start going “Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” Meanwhile just as your mouth is starting to water at the prospect, everyone around you makes the decision against it, and you’re obviously too shy to speak up and say “I want pizza”, so you don’t get any. And even though you’re disappointed at this you do also feel some sense of relief at not having such a fatty meal, and therefore not having to go for a run to work in off.

“So did you like it?” Ellie turned to me and said as the credits were rolling

“Yeah it was great” I replied

Just then Ellie just sort of leapt at me and kissed me deep on the mouth and then withdrew.

“Did you like how it ended?” Ellie said as if the kiss had never happened

“Yeah it was great” I replied “So…..what was that?”

“What?”

“That kiss you just gave me”

“Oh that”

“Yes that”

“It was a kiss”

“I know, but why?”

“Didn’t you like it?”

“I thought it was wonderful”

“Well I’m glad”

“Me too” I replied before a brief moment of silence, which I spent looking at Ellie’s shoulder, which was exposed, seeing as she was just wearing a singlet top, she spent this time twiddling with her hair, that beautiful chocolate brown hair

“You’re not upset?” she finally said

“Of course not”

“Good…I didn’t think you would be”

“So you were planning that?”

“Well just sort of….I was sitting here thinking ‘I’d like a kiss’, then I thought JayJay probably wouldn’t mind if I kissed him….so I did it…I’m glad you weren’t upset”

“I wasn’t”

“Good”

“So did you like it?” I asked

“Yeah…it was really nice”

“So….so…..um…..well….um….is there….is there any chance of me getting, you know, another one?”

“Do you really want to?”

“You know I do”

“I’m glad….ok then”

Then she lurched forward and sucked herself onto my face, her tongue darted in and out of my mouth, and kept darting until I regained my composure. I pulled her down on top of me and began to kiss her back, and our tongues massaged each others. She began to kiss down my chin and neck, stopping just briefly every now and again to make a moany breathy noise. Then she moved back to my mouth, and put her tongue so far inside I was surprised that she didn’t say “mmmmm did you have a sundae this afternoon?” Then she suddenly stopped and sat back up.

“That was good”

“I liked it” I replied

“Where did you learn to kiss like that?” she asked

“I don’t know, just by kissing I guess”

“Do you kiss a lot?”

“No I wouldn’t say that” I admitted, although I didn’t elaborate on just how little kissing I had done

“Me either…me and Brad haven’t really kissed, I mean really kissed for two years….I just don’t want to, not with him”

“Really?”

“Yeah….I guess that’s why I wanted to kiss you so bad”

“That’s the only reason?”

“Well that and I’m more attracted to you than I have ever been to Brad….and you’re so sweet and nice”

“Thanks”

“So do you think it’s inevitable?”

“Think what’s inevitable?”

“That we’ll progress to sex”

“To sex?”

“Yeah…do you think it’s definitely going to happen?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s inevitable…certainty desirable” I replied

“Sex! For JayJay! Inevitable? You have got to be kidding! Desirable? Ha, that’s an understatement” I thought to myself

“I think it’s desirable….But I also think it’s inevitable too”

“Really?”

“Please god don’t let her be teasing me” I prayed, although I don’t think god really helps you out when you’re praying that he helps you have pre-marital sex with someone else’s girlfriend

“Yeah….so how does that make you feel?” She asked

“Great!”

“You like the thought of that?”
”Of course…you know how I feel about you”

“I know….I feel more and more the same about you every minute I spend with you”

“Really?”

“Of course”

“I’m really happy to hear you say that”

“I’m glad”

“So” I said, not sure what else I needed to say at this point to close this deal

“Yeah so” she said “So if it’s inevitable…as we now both agree…why wait?”

“I don’t know”

“Why not just do it right now?”

“Because of Brad”

“Don’t talk about Brad…besides we have just agreed its going to happen sooner or later, why not now?”

“I can’t think of anything” I replied, I mean I couldn’t argue with her logic, if she wanted to have sex with me, then why not now?

“I’m glad you can’t”

“So”

“So”

“What next?” I asked

“This is the point where we make love JayJay”

“Right now?”

“Right now”

“Wow”

“I think wow too”

She jumped off the couch and climbed the ladder to the bunk next to it. She was wearing a short skirt and as she climbed, from my still seated position, I could see right up it and see her g-string underneath. This meant that as I climbed up after her I had trouble not getting caught on each rung of the ladder with the front of my pants. I was slightly self conscience of this as I climbed, which meant that I didn’t see Ellie take her singlet off, and when I next looked over at her, she was sitting there looking cute as a button, with two of the most beautiful breasts in the world protruding naked from her chest. This caused me to nearly soil my pants, well I did actually soil them a little, not like a full lot, but they were suddenly very sticky down there.

I moved in and kissed her deeply. Then she withdrew from me with a smile and said “You must be hot in that big heavy shirt you have on?”, and I replied “No I’m not hot” and continued kissing her until about a minute later when I thought “You fucking loser, she was just saying that to get your shirt off”. So I stopped and pulled my top off over my head.

She giggled as I did this, then began running her hand up and down my skin. Then she began to kiss me all over my chest, it felt incredibly to have her warm moist lips on my chest. She pulled away and gave me a “Now it’s your turn” look. So I moved in and began to kiss her lower neck and then down her chest. I was too scared to go for the breasts right away, so I kissed down between them and onto her tummy. Then I kissed back up between her breasts before suddenly jumping over and attaching myself to her left nipple. As soon as I did this her neck arched back and she let out a huge breath of air.

I began to suck on it like an eight year old sucks on a lollypop after his mum says, “time to brush your teeth, you have one minute to finish that!” Her nipple hardened in my mouth and I began to roll it between my tongue and the back of my teeth. She moaned with pleasure, then breathed out “Now the other one”.

I kissed my way across to the right one, using my right hand to continue to fondle her left one. Again I felt her nipple harden as I massaged it with my tongue, and she moaned some more. She then pulled my face up to hers and kissed me so hard that I thought she was trying to get her whole head in my mouth.

She pulled me down on top of her, so that I was lying to her left and could kiss her while still playing with her breasts, such lovely breasts, as soft as two giant marshmallows. I continued to kiss her when I had a thought. “I could go for down the front of her skirt right now”. Despite the fact she had already told me that she wanted to have sex with me, I was still reluctant to do that. I mean that had been what had ruined it for me with Lisa. Actually no it wasn’t, it was my stupidity, mental note, never forget your stupidity less you commit the same mistake.

I had to do it. I moved my hand off her breasts and slowly worked it down her body. Down her tummy, over her belly button, and to the edge of her skirt. I paused, consumed with fear. “What can I do to improve my life today?” I thought to myself. “I know I can get myself some kitty cat” I realized.

So I moved my hand under her skirt, until I got jammed. It was too tight. What is it with you girls and such tight clothes, that can’t be comfortable, and it certainly doesn’t help us get down there, does it? I tried to push harder, but couldn’t get more than an inch or two in. She reached down and grabbed my hand and pulled it away. “Damn it JayJay you have fucked it up again haven’t you?” I screamed at my brain. “Let me help you with that”, Ellie whispered.

She then got up onto her knees, so her head was nearly touching the roof, and then reached around her back, and undid the back of her skirt, so it suddenly became loose around her waste. Then she sat back down and arched her back, so that she raised her bum off the mattress and in one swift motion pulled off her skirt and her g-string, she was now lying on the bed before me completely naked. More beautiful than anything I had ever seen before. Better than any sunrise, better than even Wendy at sunrise. Wendy had been gorgeous, but I didn’t truly love her, I didn’t even know her. I loved Ellie, and now she was giving all of herself to me, I was in heaven. “She must have had one of those Brazilian Wax’s that Hannah gets” I thought to myself, as Ellie’s entire body glistened from the thin layer of sweat she had now developed, with the blue light from the TV shining off her.

I moved back in to kiss her and move my hand again down her body. When I reached down towards the fun zone my hand smoothed past it and over her upper thigh. As I rubbed her leg, I felt her legs move apart as my invitation. So I moved my hand back in that direction until my fingers were suddenly engulfed with soft wet goodness. It felt like I had my hand stuck in a chocolate mousse sort of, only warm.

I rubbed my hand up and down the canyon and she moaned into my mouth. I continued to do this until a finger suddenly slid inside her and her nails suddenly dug into my back. So I moved it back and forth, and she seemed to be enjoying in immensely.

After a while of rubbing her down there like that, Ellie decided to dislodge her nails from my back, and then she grabbed me and rolled me onto my back. She then proceeded to kiss me down my chest and stomach until she was suddenly undoing my belt, and I was suddenly extremely nervous that she would find something she didn’t like the look of down there.

She pulled my jeans off with some difficulty leaving one of the pyramids of ....Egypt.... on display, with what looked like a sticky snow capped top. Then she pulled at my underwear so that my statue of Jason sprung up to attention, before collapsing back down to rest on my lower stomach.

“Now what have we got here?” Ellie said to me with a smile while looking up towards me from above it. She then began to kiss it gently, just on the tip, which felt about as good as anything I have ever felt in my life. Until she then slid JayJay Jnr into her mouth. That felt even better.

She began to slide it in and out, sucking like she was trying to suck my brain out of my skull through the head of my penis, and dripping it wet all over with saliva. It felt unbelievably amazing. It was simply incredible. There was nothing in the world that could make this not be a pleasurable moment for me. Oh of course except for my brain.

.. ..

It began to occur to me that pleasure like this usually would result in a messy outcome. And I could tell this messy outcome was definitely going to be sooner rather than later. I began to panic. My dilemma of course was the age old question, “When you’re about to cum, do you tell the girl or just let her find out?”

On the one hand it’s embarrassing as hell to tell her. Especially when she has only been going for about thirty seconds, which is about fifteen minutes and lots and lots of actual sex before porno actors need to finish their experience, and that’s the only real place a guy can learn what’s normal in this situation. And if you do decide to tell, how do you say it, “Excuse me Ellie, I wish to ..info..rm you that a bucket load of my manly reproductive liquid will be with you very shortly”. That wouldn’t go down too well, I don’t think. Not to mention the fact that if I did say all that, by the time I was finished saying it, I’d be more than finished doing it.

What’s the alternative though? You can’t just spray away and talk about it some other day. She might not want that stuff in her mouth. She might prefer that it was distributed anywhere but her mouth. She might be hoping that this wasn’t something supposed to be happening at all at this point, maybe she watched porn too.

There was no more time for thought, time was not on my side, decisions had to be made, and I had made mine.

“Oh oh oh” I moaned .That actually brings me to another dilemma in a time like this. Do you moan or not. Obviously in porn, or even in normal ..Hollywood.. movies, moaning is normal. You express pleasure with voice. However that doesn’t mean its normal for someone like me. Pretty much every orgasm of my life had been had in the company of myself and only myself. You don’t have loud orgasms when you’re by yourself. I just wasn’t used to it. But as she was sucking away down there I realized that she wouldn’t know how much I was enjoying it, unless I told her some way.

So I started out by occasionally saying “That feels good”, then it started to sound stupid to say “That feels good”, so I moved onto the occasional red faced “Oh oh oh” or “Ah ah ah”. I did not sound like some beefed up man with a totem pole for his appendage getting paid to do this. I sounded like a five year old boy while his mummy puts a band aid on his scrapped knee.

Anyway “oh oh oh I said “honey…ah ah ah….I think I’m oh oh…going to….orgasm”. “Oh my god I can not fucking believe you said ‘Orgasm’, what are you a fucking year seven English teacher being forced to teach the kids what’s the deal with the fact boys have snakes and girls have sandwiches, how can you continue to embarrass yourself like this” I thought to myself, as Ellie began to speed up the pace expecting results very soon. Only there were none. I had embarrassed myself out of an orgasm. The great feeling suddenly went away as the blood rushed to my head to redden my face, which unfortunately meant my body needed blood reserves and the only place it could withdraw them from was currently in Ellie's mouth.

She stopped, and looked up at me, as my rapidly diminishing little friend was falling away in her hand. “Are you alright?” She asked

“Yeah I’m good” I lied

“Did you cum already?”

“No…..well yeah….well sort of….I’m not really sure…something happened….it felt great…thanks Ellie”

“This is the worst thing you have ever done” I yelled at myself

“Oh ok….I’m glad you liked it” She said in a tone suggesting she agreed with me that I was lord of the losers.

“Do you want me to do you?” I asked

“I’d love you to” She replied, now a lot peppier

“Ok, my turn….now how the hell do you actually do this?” I thought to myself as Ellie opened her legs to reveal herself to me, and the little guy suddenly once again felt like that orgasm.

I moved down between her legs and at first just started to poke at it a bit with my fingers. It was so soft, and very wet, I thought wetness was probably a good sign. After a while of prodding I began to get my bearings of what went where and had a rough idea of where the clitoris was, this I gathered was where my plan of attack was supposed to be focused. I moved my head down and poked my tongue out and moved it forward until I felt her softness.

I had heard guys complain in the past about how girls taste down there, like it’s fishy or sour or something. And my first experience, with that old woman that time, had led me to believe that the rumors were indeed true, and that vagina was just not tasty. Ellie’s was different though, I wouldn’t say it tasted good, but definitely not fishy, and only a little sour, it didn’t really taste of anything at all, it just tasted; and I quite liked it.

So I started to lick all over the place, like the bottom of a bowl of ice cream, until suddenly I hit a good spot, or at least I think it was a good spot, because Ellie suddenly screamed “Yes, right there, right there, right there” over and over, as I tried to dig a hole to china just with rigorous tongue movements. Ellie then drew in a huge breath of air, and then sat up, and tried to crush my head like it was in a vice between her legs, while she grabbed hold of my hair and tried to rip half of it out from the roots. “Thanks JayJay, thankyou so much!” She exclaimed, as her breathing began returning to normal speeds. This I took as a sign that I had done a good job, and I was feeling more than proud of myself. This is also the point where proceedings took a major turn for the worst.

“Ok, time for you to get your guy dressed” She said

“What?” I replied, having no idea what she was talking about

“You know…..get him….down there….dressed”

“What do you mean?”
”Put a condom on….I want you inside of me”

“You loser JayJay, of course that’s what she meant” I thought

“Ok….give me one” I said

“Where do you keep them?”

“What do you mean….I don’t keep them”

“You don’t keep them…at all?”

“No, this doesn’t come up very often for me”

“You mean you don’t have one single condom in this entire place?”

“I don’t think so….you didn’t bring one?”

“I didn’t bring one….I assumed you would have some here”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…..ok….its ok…..are you on the pill?”

“No…I haven’t had sex in years, I went off the pill”

“Ok….um…um…I could just run down the road and get some”

“What time is it?” she asked

“It’s ..nine forty five..” I replied

“Oh fuck….really; I thought it was earlier than that”

“No look” I showed her my watch

“So should I run down and get a pack?” I asked

“No…JayJay….I’m so sorry to say this, but I have to go”

“WHAT? WHY?”

“Brad gets home at ten, I have to be there”

“You don’t have to…you could stay here with me”

“No I really have to”

She jumped off the bed and began to get dressed, as I watched, fifty percent aroused at the site of a beautiful naked girl putting on clothes, and fifty percent about to commit suicide about the fact I was positive, one hundred percent sure, that I was going to get laid today, how could I possible not be about to have sex? She got dressed really quickly, and began to gather up her things, I pulled on some boxer shorts, and with my arousal still in a state of emergency, went up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She looked down at my bulge and said

“I’m sorry JayJay, I wish I could have that beautiful cock of yours inside me tonight, but I just have to go…..some other time ok?”

“Ok” I replied

“Fuck you, you fucking prick tease” I thought.

Then two seconds later she was gone, and I was standing in the middle of the room, wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and with a rock hard monument to my feelings towards Ellie, only all alone. I was crushed. How could I possible have gone from two seconds ago being asked to put on a condom, to now being all alone? “You always know how to fuck it up don’t you JayJay?” I thought to myself. I barely slept a wink that night. Just replayed the day, over and over again, in my mind, trying to figure out where exactly I went wrong.

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

“Something is always better than nothing;

Be happy with what you’ve got!”

I woke up the next morning with a sense of anticipation, but also with a sense of dread. I had had a very restless nights sleep. I had spent hours lying awake day dreaming about Ellie, until I’d fall asleep and have actual dreams about something far less interesting, and my brain would somehow realize this, so I wouldn’t let those dreams develop, instead I’d wake up, and day dream about Ellie. Until exhaustion would take control of my body, and again I’d drift off to sleep and real actual dreams, and again my brain wouldn’t like it and wake me. ....

By the time I woke up for the final time, the first thing I did was roll over and stare at the phone. The chances of that phone ringing anytime that day were about the same as the chances of me opening the window and discovering a crowd of female porn stars asking if they could practice for their next movies with me.

However I knew for sure that there was no way in hell I was going to go more than two meters away from that phone until Ellie called again. That was not a call I was willing to miss under any circumstances. Fortunately having given myself a two meter radius of the phone as my area to explore for the day, I could still reach every corner of my tiny apartment. So I was able to distract myself at least slightly by normal mundane day off activities like blocking my arteries with bacon and egg grease, and damaging my brain capacity by watching a bunch of starving losers holding up piles of sticks for as long as they could to try and win something retarded called ‘immunity’.

Still when my phone actually rung it was such a shock that my pancreas nearly exploded. The body is just not designed to cope with such a sudden burst of nervousness. I slowly lifted the receiver and brought it to my ear.

“Heeelllllooooo” I answered

“Hey draino, whatcha doing?” Hannah said from the other end

“Nothing much, just watching TV”

“Where were you last night” I tried calling like five times”

“Well, I guess I better tell you…..I was with Ellie”

“OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?”

“It’s sort of a long story”

“Ok I understand, I’ll be there is five minutes”

She hung up the phone, and sure enough in four minutes and thirty seven seconds she was sitting on the couch asking me to tell her what happened and spare no details what so ever. So I told Hannah the whole story, every little detail. I’m not usually one to give out every little detail of personal events that have happened to me, but for some reason I was compelled to spill every single bit of my evening to Hannah. I did regret mentioning to her that despite the less than sexual nature of our conversation, sitting staring at Ellie for a couple of hours in a restaurant had caused my penis to feel sore from the strain of my erection trying desperately hard to rip apart the zipper in my jeans. Hannah resisted the obvious temptation to bag me out about that non stop forever, and instead chose to only make a joke alluding to the fact that if I could stay hard for that long then maybe she should have sex with me after all. Hannah really is sweet. I guess that’s what made me comfortable enough to put my faith in her, and tell her the whole story. I did need someone to talk to about it, it made me feel much better having Hannah tell me over and over that Ellie will call eventually.

Hannah agreed with me that it was about a million to one shot that Ellie would call me again so soon. She also understood my desire to sit by the phone all day anyway. Fortunately she said she knew exactly what to do. “Wait here” she said, then disappeared out the door to god only knew where.

I waited in the quiet for about fifteen minutes, wondering if Hannah’s idea of “I know just what to do about this” was to abandon me and let me suffer alone. Then felt extremely guilty to have ever thought such a thing when she came back inside with a big bag of stuff.

“Now every girl in the world has had a day like this JayJay, where you’re waiting for a call from a boy that will probably never come…today I mean, Ellie will call you though….and every girl knows the remedy to this problem is to gorge themselves on junk food, so that if he ever does decide to call he will have to put up with a five kilogram heavier version of you as a punishment for not calling earlier” Hannah explained

“I thought girls don’t like it if you call too soon?” I asked

“Oh no…you can’t call too soon, but you have to call soon enough”

“How do you know which is too soon and which isn’t soon enough?”

“I guess it depends on the situation”

“But that just makes it so hard….for everyone”

“I guess it is kind of confusing…but you learn to play the game after a while”

“Fucking girls”

“I know we can be bloody hard to deal with cant we….I’ve had to put up with that crap for years….but anyway…so what I have here for us is (she reached into her bag and started to pull out items one by one) microwave popcorn, a bag of jelly babies, a block of caramello chocolate, a block of white cookies and cream chocolate…I know your favorite, and the most important item of all, a tub of premium grade extra sugary extra fatty ice cream and a bottle of hot fudge. Oh and of course a bunch of chicks flicks for us to watch”

“This doesn’t seem so bad” I said as Hannah opened up the caramello and broke off a row for me to eat, which I subsequently bit in half letting caramel drip stickerly over my chin. It was yum, yum.

Hannah threw on ‘Brigit Jones’s Diary’, which I thought was awful and I struggled to relate to the story of a girl who’s complaining how fat she thinks she is, but is at the same time being pursued by two men who clearly would fit in the overly desirable to women category. What the hell is it with you women sometimes, if you’re being pursued by men you’re attracted to then you no longer have any rights to complain. I’d kill to have women chase after me. And why do women get so worked up about a few kilograms over weight. You’re the ones who have it easy in the looks department. A couple of extra kilo’s and you just look curvier and have bigger breasts and more arse to get our hands over. A guy puts on a couple of kilos and we get a beer gut, and beer guts are never desired. You hear guys all the time say they like girls with curves and breasts. I have never once heard a girl say “Where can I find a nice guy with a beer gut?” Plus even if you do decide to put in the work in attempting to get the stereotypical image of beauty, all you have to do is get skinny. Not that that is easy, but for us guys we not only have to lose all our fat, but we have to spend hour after hour in the gym to add muscle aswell. That’s a lot tougher. And even then, even if you spend enough time in the gym until you look like a body builder, you still make us do the work in trying to pick you up. Bloody girls! Well yeah anyway, ‘Bridget’ was funny I guess. The popcorn was delicious, as were the jelly baby’s, and the caramello was divine.

Next Hannah put on ‘Lost in Translation’, which chronicles how hard it is, even for a world famous movie star with zillions of dollars, to pick up some female action. Well I don’t think that was the actual point of the movie. It’s really movie about two lost souls in ....Japan.... who find comfort with each other. This one I could relate to much more. It felt good to know that everyone feels lost sometimes, and it can take as little as a new friendship to improve the way you feel. It reminded me of how much Hannah had done for me. Also the rest of the jelly babies were excellent, and the cookies and the cream was heaven in bar form.

After the second movie Hannah made me up a sundae the size of a small car, just drowning in hot fudge, nuts, sprinkles and jelly babies, and I somehow managed to consume so much that I could physically feel the fat forming on my stomach. Then just as Hannah was saying to me for the fifth time of the afternoon that “no JayJay, there isn’t any chance that Ellie would call today”, the phone suddenly rang.

“Heeelllooo” I answered with

“Hello is Mr Domey home sir?” A female voice asked from the other end

“Yes this is Mr Domey”

“Good afternoon Mr Domey, I was calling to see if you had any interest in changing your broadband internet connection over to ‘Bobcat Telecommunications’? Sign with us and pay just eighteen months in advance, then in six months when we file for bankruptcy and you try and reclaim your extra years payment which we have already spent, you will only have minor legal fees to pay before being told straight up that you can never get back one cent of that money, before paying another huge bill in order to have your existing connection reconnected. So Mr Domey would you like to sign up for the standard eighteen months, or would you like to take advantage of our special price for a twenty four month subscription?

“I’m not interested”

“Oh are you sure sir, this is a once in a life time opportunity, you must take advantage of this as soon as possible, we could go bankrupt any day now”

“No I’m NOT INTERESTED, I don’t even own a computer you moron”

“Ok Sir, no need to be rude”

Then I hit the hang up button on my phone. I didn’t want to hear anymore of that crap. Only thing was as I walked over to hang up the phone properly I could hear a faint “Hello….Hello”. After a few seconds it finally clicked, there was someone on the phone still.

“Heelloo” I answered “Are you still there?”

“Yes I’m here, is that Jason?”

“This is still Jason”

“Hi its Ellie….what’s going on?”

“ELLIE!” I thought

“Ellie…do you work for Bobcat Telecommunications?”

“No...Why would you ask that? You know where I work”

“But didn’t you just call me to see if I wanted to change internet connections?”

“No…are you ok JayJay?”

“I’m ok….just that’s weird, that’s all”

“The phone didn’t even ring at your end, were you just on another call?” she asked me in a bewildered tone, yet a very sweet tone. Ellie always did have the cutest tones in her voice.

“Yeah with this crappy Bobcat offer thing, then I hung up, and you were there” I answered also bewildered, but in my boring monotone voice

“I must have called the second you hung up, and you must have answered my call instead of just hanging up”

“That’s nuts”

“I know, talk about bad timing….or is that good timing?”

“Well I’m suddenly talking to you, sounds like good timing to me” I said in the cutest voice I could

“You’re sweet” she answered

At that moment Hannah suddenly got her things together and kissed me on the cheek and said she’d call tomorrow, saving me the prospect of telling her to “get the fuck out” after the next thing that Ellie said.

“Listen…Brad just called to say that he isn’t getting home from work till late tonight…do you maybe want to watch a video…I mean can I come over to your place?”

“Of course…come over when ever you want”

“That’s great…I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes….I’ll bring some movies”

“Ok”

“Bye, bye”

“Bye, bye”

“Hooray for JayJay” I whispered to myself.