Monday, November 2, 2009

Escaping my hiding place - Chapter 20


“Never ever give up;

All is never lost!”

Twenty three hours later and I was standing outside ‘Friendly Furniture’ not sure whether I was about to go on my first date or about to be beaten up for having the nerve to call Ellie up. The store closed at five, so I was concerned as to why Ellie would have me meet her an hour after closing when no one else would be around. Then she walked out the main doors and I could see why.

Ellie had clearly spent a good portion of the hour since closing getting herself all dressed up for our date. Yes it was now clearly a date. I could tell not just by how she was dressed but by that nervous rush of adrenalin your body pumps into your blood stream at moments where things could immediately go either very good or very bad.

Ellie was wearing a dress, one of those sexy ones with the frayed hem line which falls at an angle from the ground, it was light green and she looked incredible in it. She also had on high heels, which still left her shorter than me, and a nice array of jewelry and make up on. Quite a good deal different from her work outfit of shorts and a baggy bright red polo shirt with a “Friendly Furniture’ logo on it. I mean she looked great in her work outfit too, I already told you it was love at first site for me, but she was just breath taking in this dress. I did find it a little weird she would choose to get dressed up like this at work, rather than go home first, but hey if she was going to look like this, then choose to spend time with me, then she could of gotten changed in a filthy petrol station toilet for all I cared.

The best thing was that she seemed more than pleased to see me. She had a huge smile on her face “oh what a beautiful smile” I thought as she came up to me, and she gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek as a greeting. She even said “You look really nice”. I was most pleased with this comment as you could imagine. I was wearing more clothes that I had bought with Hannah, funky jeans with these cool “cat whisker” lines on them, and a button up black stripped colored shirt, with my old, old now cool again sneakers, and my “how cool am I?” haircut.

She asked if I liked pizza, which of course I had to reply yes to, and she said that she knew the best pizza place in town, right around the corner. We walked around and got ourselves a table.

“What topping do you like?” Ellie asked

“Um…..I like all sorts…but my fav is just pepperoni” I replied

“REALLY…me too…..they do an awesome pepperoni pizza here”

So started what ended up being a couple of hours of conversation which I have since titled ‘ME TOO’. Ellie and I talked about somewhere near a thousand topics and almost never failed to have a response which didn’t include “Me too” in there somewhere.

“What’s your favorite band?” She’d ask

“Radiohead” I’d reply

“Oh my god….are you serious….me too….they’re awesome aren’t they” Then we would talk about Radiohead for a while, then

“What’s your favorite soft drink? I’d ask

“Dr Pepper” She’d reply

“Are you kidding me….me too….I love Dr Pepper”

“What’s your favorite color?”


“Me too”

“What’s your favorite season?”


“Me too”

“What’s your favorite sport?”


“Me too”

And so on and so on. We talked everything from entertainment preferences, sports, life histories, politics, food and beverages, just all sorts of things. And we had about as much in common as a pair of Siamese twins, only with it being a much less nauseating thought of us progressing the evening into some physical activity. I wonder if there is one of those weird fetish groups who get into Siamese twins having sex with each other. There are some sick people out there.

I’ve never found anyone so easy to talk to in my entire life. Usually when I talk to someone I spend half the time desperately trying to think of something to say, and I spend the rest of the time abusing my self for the crap that I have said already. With Ellie it was different. Different even from Hannah. Hannah is super easy to talk to, but that’s mostly because she does all the talking, she doesn’t mind at all when you reply with one word answers, and will keep asking a million questions even if I never really answer any of them. With Ellie though we really actually talked, I talked, I told her things about myself, I found myself talking to her about things I had never talked to anyone about. Things to do with my childhood and my family and school life, embarrassing stories and sad stories. Ellie had a way of looking at me which made me want to spill my guts about everything to her.

I guess that’s why people go to see shrinks. There was something very liberating about confessing some of my fears and hopes to Ellie. I always thought going to a councilor would be about the worst thing in the entire world, just spending an hour talking to a stranger about myself, who would then judge me on that, not for me thank you. Ellie made it easy though, partly I guess because she could often counter act one of my sob stories with one of her own.

“My dad made fun of me” I’d confess

“Really…that’s terrible…I’m so sorry JayJay” She would say with her gorgeous brown eyes full of empathy, then follow with “I know what that’s like….to have a bad relationship with your father… dad used to get really drunk then try and rape me!”

That sort of makes you feel just a little less hard done by because your dad called you junior when you didn’t want him to. Ellie’s never ending smile made me realize that happiness wasn’t such an unlikely prospect, if she could endure terrible things like her father trying (and thank god it was ‘try’ not ‘viciously’) to rape her, and still glow with happiness, then why not me. Ellie had a way of making me feel comfortable with her, like I had known her forever, and she seemed to be having similar feelings towards me.

By the time we had finished our pizza, I realized that it had been a long time since either of us had looked anywhere other than into each others eyes, except at our food of course, we weren’t eating by telekinesis, and without even remembering how, my finger tips were now gently rubbing hers.

“What should we do now?” Ellie asked after I had paid the bill (I’m nothing if I’m not a gentleman)

“I don’t want to go home yet” I replied

“Me either….so where should we go?”

“Can we go back to your place?”

“No…that’s not a good idea….my…….roommates home….can we go to your place?”

“Ok….its a bit messy though”
”That’s ok JayJay, I have a feeling I wont be looking at the floor much anyway!”

So we left the restaurant and jumped in a cab. In no time at all we were in my apartment and fighting our way through a pile of junk on the floor and moving over to the couch. Ellie said she liked the way I had decorated, but then again she had to didn’t she, she had sold me the furniture.

I threw a CD on and sat on the couch turning to face her.

“Do you get lonely living here all alone?” She asked me

“Yeah sometimes….some company would be nice” I replied

“Well we’ll have to see about finding you some more company” she said as she started to gently rub my knee

“Did you have anyone in mind?” I replied, with a hint of anticipation and nervousness in my voice

“I think you could have anyone you wanted here….I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to be alone with you in such a cozy little apartment”

“I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have here than you”

“Holy fucking shit…you smooth bastard, you do realize your going to have to move in for a kiss soon….oh my god my first real proper kiss with a girl I like….I hope I do it ok…please don’t fuck this up” I thought to myself as I moved in slightly closer

“I have had a really good time with you tonight JayJay”

“Me too”

“Me too”

“No….me me too”

“No me me too” Why are completely moronic exchanges so sweet under the right circumstances and a sign of a mental breakdown in others?

Then with my heart pumping full of love, adrenaline, nerves, fear and hope I slowly moved in to kiss her. Time went as fast as a turtle race as our lips slowly puckered and sucked together like two magnets. I could feel magic fill up the room as we inched closer and closer together. Then just as the thin layer of saliva which covered our lips oh so slightly touched, just not quite firm enough to break the surface and cause our lips to mold together as one, she suddenly jumped to her feet.

“I can’t do this” She said sounding like she was suddenly on the verge of tears

“Why not” I replied, crying like monsoonal hurricane – at least on the inside having gotten so close and not reached the pleasure of the kiss

“There is something you don’t know about me JayJay”

“What is it….I’ll understand”

“No you wont….you’re too sweet…you wont understand….you’ll think I’m awful”

“I could never think you’re awful….I think you’re the most wonderful person I can remember knowing”

“That’s exactly my point….you don’t know me….I’m not wonderful”

“What is it…you can tell me”

“I know I know I know….I have to tell you…I just don’t know how”

“Just spit it out”

“I can’t”

“Why not?”
”I just can’t”

“Ellie……please talk to me….we’ve had such a fantastic night…it can’t end like this” I replied with pure frustration, what had happened? What had I done to fuck everything up this time?

“I know I know I know….tonight has been perfect…that’s why this is so hard to tell you”

“But you have to now…don’t you…you can’t just leave me with all these horrible thoughts going through my mind without knowing which is true”

“That’s just the thing………what ever the worst thing you’re thinking is probably it” I hoped not. The worst thing I was thinking was that Ellie was actually a man, just dressed as a girl. That’s certainly not a good thing.

“I doubt it”

“Well what’s the worst thing you’re thinking?”

“Well the worst thing is that you were born a man”

She snorted a brief laugh out through her trembling voice “Well I guess it’s not the worst thing then”

“Well if not that…then what?”


“Just spill it….please”

“Ok…..well…….um….you know my roommate?”


“You spoke to him on the phone the other night”

“Oh….yeah that prick”

“Well the thing is he isn’t really my roommate……………..he’s my boyfriend………has been for six years”


“See I knew you wouldn’t want to know that…………I’m so sorry JayJay…..I had the best time tonight……….you’re an amazing guy”

“Ok” I said as the monsoon inside started to crack some of the facial areas

“I’m sorry….I better go”

Then before I had the chance to muster up a don’t go argument, she had put on her coat and left me alone.

Ellie called the next day and told me two things. One of those things is something which I suspect every man on earth has dreamed of hearing from an attractive girl. The other was not as delightful.

The first thing she told me was that she was quite convinced that if she ever saw me again she would be unable to refrain from the act of sexual intercourse with me. Apparently she liked me and was attracted to me sufficiently enough that it would beyond her control levels to stop herself literally ripping my clothes off me and mounting me like a cowboy mounts a horse with the boom of the chasing sheriffs rifle in the background. This was the good thing she told me, in case you were wondering. ....

Obviously Ellie to me was a lot more than a potential sex toy. I mean there was certainly nothing I could think of which would have stopped me from having sex with her, should it be offered in my direction. However should she have said her big secret was that she was a virgin and not planning on offering a taste of her cherry coke to anyone until she was married, that wouldn’t of been the best news I could of heard, its not like I have had so much sex already that I could take it or leave it for a while, but it certainly wouldn’t have made me any less amazed by her, and attracted to her and it wouldn’t of made me want to spend any less time with her. That’s not what she was saying though; she was saying that if she did see me again, then she would definitely have sex with me. The problem of course was that dodgy “if” bit. If! Why if?

So inevitably came the second thing she told me. This is the not so nice one. With her estimations of her self control in my presence being somewhat in the low range, she had decided it would be “best for everyone” involved if she did not see me again.

I’ve always been curious as to why someone telling bad news to another person would choose to justify it as “best for everyone”, in situations where it clearly is not best for everyone, in fact it’s pretty fucking awful for at least one person, and that person is the person you’re spinning this crap to.

“I mean how could it possibly be ‘best for everyone’, when one of the ‘ones’ is me, and I’m a person who has fallen tit over ass love at first site with a girl, who is telling me that she desperately wants me to fuck her every way under the sun, and because of that she can’t see me. That’s not best for me! That’s fucking worse for me! Let’s pick the fucking roommate boyfriend who can’t even be civil on the phone to an unknown person for one minute, and choose the option which is worse for him, and best for me. That’s more fair. When does fairness ever come into life? When am I going to get some of what everyone else seems to have in barrel loads, like radioactive waste from building weapons of mass destruction, where they have so much they can just deposit it on the ocean floor and destroy every living creature under the sea, just so they can destroy the entire world four times over instead of three times over like they already could six months ago. Hang on, wait, I’ve gone off the point. I mean I deserve to have some companionship. I deserve to have some affection. I deserve to have some intimacy. I deserve to be treated nicely and sweetly. I deserve to have someone looking out for me. I deserve a lot more than fucking roommate boyfriend, I can tell you that much”

“I’m sorry to have hurt you JayJay” She replied after I had quite uncharacteristically ranted at her for about fifteen minutes

“Well you have” I replied quite harshly

“I didn’t mean to….but I never promised you anything….it was just one dinner together”

“I know…….just it was the best dinner ever…I wanted more like that”

“I wish I could be the one to have them with you JayJay….but you’ll find someone who will be able to give you everything you’ve dreamed of….I promise you……..Its just not me”

“I know”

“Take care sweet JayJay” She said, then she hung up the phone.

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