Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Type before you think (awesomenessous?)

Sometimes I like to just start writing with no idea at all well I will end up, this is one of those times, as we speak I have no thoughts about where this is going whats so ever, its like the beginning of a road, only not at all because this is a blog and not a thing of you know concrete and that (ok Dave I get it, you have decided to type as fast as you can and not edit your thoughts at all, well that doesn't mean you can avoid having a thought).

The thing about thought is that it is often the things which you don't think which matter more than the thoughts you do have, you know, if you you've never even thought 'rape it wrong' then your more likely do it even if you have never thought 'I might like to rape' than if you you often think 'rape is wrong' but occasionally think 'I might like to rape'.

Well thats probably a crock of shit (or any receptacle full of shit to be honest, unless its great white shark shit, that stuff hard to pile)

The point is next time someone calls you a 'thoughtless shit', merely say 'thankyou'!

So I am still shy (another term for shy is - 'that fucking loser in the corner') It's been a long time since I have announced 'I am shy' (not just because when you are shy you don't like saying shit like 'I am shy' for it points out to people that you are shy, which can result in people coming up to you and going 'heard you are shy' in which event your forced to run to the bathroom to cry into a wash cloth you think has been left in there for people to dry their hands, but in reality is where the man of the house wipes up any jizz he failed to wash off in the shower while having his morning tug)(damn shyness). For the past four of five years I have tended to say 'I used to be the world's shyest man' or 'I used to be fucking shy' but the reality is, while I can now stand on a stage and improvise stuff which makes people laugh, while I can yell and scream, and let go completely in the moment, merely talking to a stranger or even worse someone I loosely know, is extremely painful to me. I am the king of awkward silences, leading me to being surrounded by many acquaintances, but few friends.

The thing is though, the more I sit in audiences these days the more I know my place is not in the audience, but rather on the stage. Two years ago I wrote 'the world is my stage' in an effort to encourage myself to completely let go, but it turns out just writing something doesn't actually make it happen, which is really unfair seeing as I am a writer (actually I have written in the first person as a maniac completely psychopathic serial killer, perhaps better if all I write does not just happen to me).

The worst thing is that I have this deep thought in the back of my mind, a belief, that as soon as I break this final barrier all that I have worked towards will start to come my way, yet I still keep myself from pushing through.

I have made it to the no mans land between the warning sign and the fall, now I need to step off the cliff.

(Stop being philosophical you prick, this was supposed to come out as a stream of consciousness comic piece)(note to self: You've been meaning to read more philosophy for years (note within note: more = not zero) so do it)

And as the water dripped in the background I could not help but feel as if waterfalls are just arrogant show offs 'hey we get women to stand topless under us for sports illustrated shoots, when have you ever gotten a woman to do that?' shut the fuck up waterfall.

Seems to me as if anorexia would be easier to cure if it wasn't called an eating disorder but rather a 'lack of eating disorder' you know cause anorexics don't eat and that.

Some people say they have been to hell and back but then never tell us about it 'is it as bad as we think you bastards, cause a lot of people are wasting some serious fun sinning opportunities to avoid that place'

Do you realize that we never celebrate the anniversary of the invention of toilet paper? Humans used their hands before then, and I guarantee you weren't always getting a satisfactory wipe, and we don't celebrate the achievement of the invention of the product which eradicated this!!! No wonder there is still so much hatred in the world.

And with 'hatred' in the past sentence its time to go.

I hope to have time to write a proper thought out comic piece tomorrow, wait - 'thought out' you thoughtless bastard (hell yeah)

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