Friday, September 21, 2012

The New Normal


I’ve decided that I am so normal that I am going to start taking normal to places it’s never been before!

That’s right, I am going to strap a backpack to normal, point it north and tell it not to come back till it’s seen things that has blown it’s eyes right out of it’s sockets, so that they are left hanging and bouncing around on it’s chest like a tiny kangaroo boxing it, only to look down and realize it’s eyes are actually looking into cave filled with super clean dinner plates, yeah that’s right normal!

I am going to lock normal in a basement and tell it that when it comes up its body may well be covered in random bruises but that’s nothing compared to the bruises it will feel on it’s mind, and not just any part of it’s mind, but the parts that have never been used before, the parts full of donuts made out of elephant dreams, the parts where people sexually moan about dust on lampshades, the part where ‘two plus two clingy grouper filling’ makes more sense than anything that’s ever come out of the ear of a Nat, yeah that’s right normal!

I’m going to cover normal in honey then throw it out of a moving space train that’s been lost in the amazon jungle, and when it looks up and finds the honey is being licked off it will discover the tongues of Mayan pyramids ravishing it in an orgy of over conditioned confidence issues mixed with self perpetuating terrible arrogance, only the tongues won’t be made of flesh, but of the soft smell of rain washing away a single beer burp, yeah that’s right normal!

I’m taking you on a journey normal, so be scared, be afraid like the only cloud on a sunny day that is shaped like a giant guitar in the sky only with no one to play you so you start to fall apart into random vapor that will drift into a champagne flute only when you go to take a sip you’ll find that there is a huge shard missing from the side of the glass, but how is the orange juice it’s filled with not falling it out? How? HOW? Yeah that’s right normal, be afraid, you have now met David Tieck, and life is going to be very different from now on.

Oh also, normal, are any of those clean dinner plates cereal bowls? I kind of feel like some breakfast. Just let me know, you know, if you get a chance.

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