You think YOU got it bad

One fun thing about living in LA is seeing the city drowning in billboards for new television shows that are so clearly shamefully awful you know they'll be axed before being inflicted on the rest of world.

Some of these shows star people I know! Congratulations guys! I am genuinely as jealous as all hell. That’s why I have come up with several pitches for my own TV shows which are awful show ideas yet are better than half of the ones actually about to be released.

- Thick Marker: In a world where there is a fine line between pleasure and - pain, truth and lies, and love and hate - a man who runs a small failing stationary shop is really frustrated he isn't selling more thick markers.

- Women in heat? A bunch of women who lack a lot of patience are sent to a different sauna every week, but will their lack of patience allow them to hang around until those coals actually get hot? Who knows?

- Couffee..... or irony: A guy opens a coffee shop in an ethnically diverse neighborhood and finds imitating the various accents of his customers endlessly fun- until he gets stabbed. After six months in the hospital upon discharge he's told to 'lay off the caffeine' the very stuff he's got to sell to pay his medical bills!
- Climbing women: A gang of recreational rock climbing women find climbing the corporate ladder is not as easy as cliffs - especially as they're all (dum dum dum) women! Will they be 'roped' into bad deals, will they occasionally ‘anchor’ the odd conference call, will they ‘figure eight knot’ the man of their dreams? Or will their webolette, piton catchers and thrutching get in the way? Stay tuned!

- You think you've got it bad: After a psychiatrist discovers a cluster of his former clients have gone on to commit suicide he has a mental breakdown leaving him unable to say anything other than a sarcastically toned 'you think YOU got it bad? And to his surprise now he able to REALLY help those in need, but can he help himself? No, not really.

I know entertainment, so you can trust me networks, give me a call please. Ps for the record when I first saw commercials for ‘Friends’ my honest reaction was 'holy shit, that's going to BOMB!'