If you ask me New Years Eve is less about paper hats than people think. At the moment I think most people give around 1.8% of their time on NYE thinking about paper hats. That's a global average based on my research, and may be different in your region, but that's based on how much people say they plan to think and talk about paper hats during their personal brand of NYE celebration/ lonely sitting at home wishing they had someone to love, or even talk to.
Yet, YET, when I go up to people at parties, or knock on random doors at houses where I can hear sad music and can see through the window to a noose hanging from the ceiling, and ask 'were you just thinking and/or conversing about paper hats?’ Only 1.4% say yes. And in the miserable people category those who say they were conversing about paper hats 58.56% of the time it turns out they were conversing with a goldfish, and that's not even a warm water fish so as if it counts.
Well screw that, I’m not allowing lies to be how the new years starts. I am thinking and talking about paper hats so much tonight that I will save those who thought they would think about it 1.8% of the night and fail to do so, and by doing so, I will start off the new year a god damn hero.
Stay happy and safe everyone, and have the best end of the year of your life!
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