Friday, January 9, 2015

The breath of fresh air of the Best day of my existence – Clandestinely does it

 I like to think that if I discovered today that I'd secretly grown a third lung the following would go through my head:

- You're supposed to have two lungs right? Or is it two kidneys and one lung?
- Ok I've looked it up, you are supposed to have two, and one kidney, plus something called a gallbladder, ewwww.
- Wait you're supposed to have two, but I just found out I've got three, holy shit, that's horrible!
- Wait unless that makes me super human, wow, they could call me lung man, and I'd be called to save the world every time there was a world wide emergency involving, um, too much oxygen!
- Yes, that's awesome, and I'd be beloved around the world! Finally. I've been waiting all day to achieve that.
- Then I could totally wear a huge L on my chest! Finally. I've been dreaming of that since I first heard the word 'languid'.
- But wait.
- Oh no
- No no no no no no no.
- No no.
- No no no no.
- I 'secretly' grew the third lung?
- Secret from whom? It's a conspiracy damn it. A dirty, low down, smelly, tasteless, like not 100% tasteless, but just bland and in need of some sort of spice, paprika perhaps, depending on who you were rooting for in the spice wars of the subcontinent, uppity, pretentious fucking conspiracy. And I want to know who started it? Who inspired it? Did that person get given credit as a muse? Where did it start? And why the fuck was I brought into the mix? Do they know something I don’t know? A secret perhaps? No no no no no. Not MORE secrets! Somebody please tell me what’s going on? Where am I? Did the person, tribe or historical event that this place was named after get given credit as a muse? And who even won the spice wars of the subcontinent? I don’t think most people know the answer to that! That means we are doomed to repeat history!! DOOOMED! What will happen to all the Chicken Vindaloo now?
- Wait, Chicken Vindaloo is a thing right?

But I didn’t discoverer today that I'd secretly grown a third lung, which is why it was the best day of my life. Oh also cause I watched an awesome win by the Aussies in the soccer, probably got cast in a play, and ate some delicious ice-cream. But yeah, the highlight was the lung thing.

What did you not find out that you secretly didn’t have today?

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