Sunday, January 4, 2015

The most awesome day of my time on earth - flat thumbed

You know what's bothering me today? It's how come the phrase -'corn holed as a scrounge harp' Never took off?

I coined that days ago, dropped it in conversation a couple of times, and I'm sure anyone who heard it would have began using it instantly and regularly, add word of mouth, eavesdropping and social media and this thing should have circumnavigated the world by now. 

I mean it's got so many uses: 

- get stuck in traffic 'oh man, I've been corn holed as a scrounge harp!'
- get asked out on a date by a beautiful stranger 'why golly, if that doesn't corn hole me like a scrounge harp'.
- turn on the radio and find your favorite song playing, however it's already half over, but you like the second half better, but that's because of the crescendo, which loses its impact if you don't hear it build up from humbler beginnings 'hmm, I think I've been corn holed in the scrounge harp'. 
- hit your thumb with a hammer 'motherfucking corn holed fucking scrounge harp!!'

Of course if you're going around hitting your thumbs with hammers then you've got issues, other than your lack of awesomely useful phrases, I mean be careful people, how are you going to give people the thumbs up if your thumbs are all flat? People will be all like 'did he just give me a flat thumbed thumbs up, that totally corn holes me just like a scrounge harp' cancel that random gift of a million dollars I planned to give him. 

Still, this awesome phrase has yet to enter the zeitgeist, and if it hasn't yet I can only assume it may not happen till tomorrow. Or even worse may not even happen like at all! 

I think the lesson here is clear - obviously the era of people copying and following and being unoriginal, is over! From now on everyone plans to coin there own cool new and endlessly useful phrases. Wow, that's actually really cool! That would mean the worlds about to get more interesting than ever before, we're going to be literally drowning in awesome new phrases - yes literally!!

Yay, that definitely makes today easily the best day of my life! Why I'd almost go as far as to say that I feel... Gumption end britches over the fing smile! 


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