Sunday, February 8, 2015

Best scheme of my day awesomeness - decision temperatures

You know what I love about the temperature of ice cream that's been left in an abandoned house for three years? 

Exactly, you can rely on it, it's not a mystery, you know precisely what the temperature will be - to the exact degree - room temperature! 

That's trustworthy, everything else is open for debate, EVERYTHING else:

- texture?
- flavor?
- smell?
- quotent of salmonella?
- how many people will yell 'dibs' before you get to? 
- what are the rules and etiquette if two people think they called dibs first?
- of the several people who claim to have a definitive reason why they believe one or another person was in fact the person who called 'dibs' first who is most often considered to be dedicated to truth before any sort of favoritism or bias?
- who gets to decide who is most trustworthy based on that criteria and therefore to decide who called 'dibs' first? 
- who gets to decide who gets to decide who get to decide?
- how many times do you have to say decide before you start to forget what it really means? 
- what are the rules of rumble declared to sort out the all disagreements over both decision makers and who called 'dibs' first?
- Ok knives fine sure, but all sorts of knives? A Swiss army is different to a electrolyzed chefs bone slicing cleaver?
- why can't the two people who called 'dibs' at the same time just share?
- If they get to share, why can't everyone who called 'dibs' get a taste?
- why is speed in 'dibs' yelling so revered anyway? 
- who's eye ball is this? 
- Did someone lose an eye ball during the rumble? 
- seriously, I'll have it if no one else wants it? 

Yep those are all questions open for debate and therefore doubt, and doubt sucks. It's reliability that saves eye balls, which is why I love the best day of my life, I always know when it is, it's today, and that's reliable. 

Today I got up at a reasonable hour, got some work done, I'm on my way to a stand up gig, and I haven't gotten around to eating a meal yet so my losing weight efforts are working some more, in a reliably unhealthy way. Yep today is great. Plus just between you and me I KNOW who called 'dibs' first, but I reliably didn't speak up due to shyness and earned myself a sweet new eye ball! 

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