Saturday, April 11, 2015

Oooh, silky

I find that if you walk into the middle of a busy suburban mall during the weekend lunchtime rush and bellow in your richest, silkiest, most operatic resonance possible:


Immediately after the most wonderful and amazing things often take place. Such as, but certainly not limited to:

- Hearing awkward muttering, the most pleasant sounding of all the mutterings. 
- People thinking you're a tad off, which is an accurate assessment. How often do you get to have strangers accurately judge you? Probably hardly ever, unless you're in the Klu Klux Klan, but who wants to be in a group that can't spell 'clan' right? 
- Discovering an empty mall, giving you a clear sign that it's time to hedge all your equity derivative suburban mall stocks. 
- Meeting people named 'convoluted'. There are a remarkably large number of them, most tend to be young males, and they have delightful senses of humor 'ha ha, yeah I'm convoluted, you fucking dickface' they'll often say. It's really quite delightful, normally it takes me ages to reach a level of friendship with people to playfully tease each other, but these kids named convoluted seem to fall right into it. 
- Having people say 'I think it's pronounced "incredulous"'. 
- Realizing that no one seemed to even notice, which is a clear sign you're a ghost, or possibly need to see a vocal coach. 

Yes the great outcomes are practically endless. The only flaw is that with so many great possible outcomes, picking your favorite may get .... Wait for it.... Ready? 


Ha ha. Wait, what does convoluted mean again? 

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