Friday, June 12, 2015

Top Eleven Reasons I Love Butter Knives

11. They are arguably the best knife going around for the spreading of butter.
10. Yes, I know that’s controversial.
9. Yeah, I know, I agree - meat cleavers will typically get MORE butter on your croissant than a butter knife will.
8. Did I ever deny that?
7. That’s right, so you can suck on your friggin’ judgment.
6. I never fucking said that more butter isn’t better than less butter, of course it is, it’s fucking BUTTER, it’s seriously delicious.
5. Because a meat cleaver is hard to get into the tub THAT’s why.
4. Ok smart ass, yes I know about blocks of butter, but even if you do prefer a block of butter over a tub of butter, meat cleavers are also harder to control in terms of a butter distribution which most reflects your personal butter desires and predilections.
3. Croissant, dinner roll, plate of broccoli – I don’t friggin’ care what you’re fucking putting butter on, unless it’s the size of a cow, a butter knife will be BETTER than fucking meat cleaver in terms of delicate, dependable and superior butter distribution.
2. You know what? We may both be butter lovers, but you and I are NOT the same, and frankly I hope you friggin’.. just, you know expire, and hopefully from something completely unrelated to anything we have been discussing here, like blocked arteries, or having some form of huge cutting device imbedded in your head, you obtuse dick.
1. It’s easy to store a bunch of them in your cutlery draw.

That’s butter knives everybody, enjoy them today!

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