Thursday, October 15, 2015

Bathed in them!

I went to the slap shop today. 

No not that one. 

YES that one! 

And no NOT that one.

I already said the second one was right, why'd you keep guessing? 

That's weird dude. 

Yeah, sorry, you're not ready for stories about slap shops.

Slap shop stories are only for people who stop guessing things once they have already found their answer.

And it's a shame because this slap shop story is a doozy, which is 80s sitcom talk for 'really fucking badass'.

But your over guessing is going to cut you out sorry.
That's just the rule.
And I don't make them.
Not anymore at least.
I retired from the slap store story governing body six whole weeks ago.

Although obviously this particularly rule we're discussing came in under my stewardship.
But not specifically to fuck up your life. 

It hasn't always been this way of course.
Who could forget the wonderful case of Johnson, Cliche Name, Johnson. He BATHED in slap store stories, and he once guessed that the Duck Billed Platypus would one day also grow a goose bill, even after his previous guess, 'Duck Bill Platypus will one day grow a hat that is comfortable but probably not good at keeping the sun from his neck' was declared 'yeah, probably'. A guessing on that bothered a LOT of people. I mean they're just called 'Platypus', the duck bill is a guarantee, it doesn't need to be specified, there ARE no duck bill-less platypus. 

But he guessed on and so did you. And here we are.
Which is a shame because I like you. 
I really like you.
And this slap shop story is great. 
Really great. 

I'm guessing you're pissed off now. 
I'm guessing that your smiling now.
See what I did there.
I guessed on.
Now you feel the pain.

Well I think we all learned some things today:
- If you're named Johnson people hate you.
- If you're a platypus with a duck bill AND a goose bill, lift that hat up, we want to see.
- I like you.
- Awww.

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