Sunday, October 4, 2015

First draft of first ancient Chinese proverb

'You can't spit monkey faeces at a monkey faeces testing lab without first thinking... What really IS a lab?'

Wait, have abbreviations been invented yet? If not I should totally invent those too, they could be one of the 'things' we end up getting known for!

Although if we do shouldn't this piece of wisdom be a tad shorter? I really think these wisdom sayings could be a 'thing' for us also. 

Wow, am I about to begin two well known ancient Chinese 'things'? I'm a fucking genius. No one will EVER forget me. That'll stick it up those bullies from school, by which I mean that one time the hobo down by the river tried to explain, amongst other things, why our written language is, and will always be, the best and most perfect way to read and write in every corner of the world for all time.

So yeah, suck on that bullies. That means screw you Lee, and all your 'burns' on my wrist, which hurt like shit. Although lame name by the way, needs something else or they'll end up catching on and being named 'Lee Burns' and your ENTIRE family will be disparaged for generations. 

And that means you too Confucius, I totally saw you looking over my shoulder and copying during the hobos pop-quiz on reasons why you should wash your soiled undergarments upstream even if fair young maidens are frolicking naked down stream, every answer was the same anyway you douche 'because fair young maidens NEVER go for hobos'. 

Anyway, you can't copy this, I'm going to write it up on a scroll, and, ha ha, you can't copy something hidden within two layers of gently rolled rice paper!!! And besides, if you try I'll totally spit monkey faeces in your face!  

Wait 'spit' monkey faeces? Something doesn't sound right about that. Oh well, it doesn't matter, I invented these things, and the inventor ALWAYS gets the credit even if it's not perfect right away. Just ask Rogerston Wheel down in rice paddy seventeen who invented the slowly catching on Rogerston Food Pick Up Stick. He's onto some weird rubber oval thing now too. 

Fuck, that's right, there are folks inventing shit left, right and center around here, I better get this invention in swiftly, so this will do.

And now for what will be my, and eventually the world's, signature for a proverb of wisdom....

This has been another batch of Ancient Chinese wiseness, from Charlatan Says, I'm Shane Charlatan, good night.

Ps. Hey dad? I did it! I did it I made our wonderful surname MEAN something wonderful. You must be so proud. 

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