Sunday, November 29, 2015
You know what would be ace? Like really ace? Being a builder! And I'll tell you why, if you become a builder, and work on building things such as buildings, one day you could purposely build a house with a flaw in the floor, and then you'd get to have this experience:
Two people, standing looking at the floor, one of them looks like a builder, because he or she IS a builder, and that builder is YOU!
'So I see what's going on here, seems you have a flaw' says the builder, and remember this is YOU! How ace is that.
'Of course it's a fucking floor' says the other person, this is NOT you, it can't be, because you're the builder, which is the other person, how ace does that sound?
'Did you not want a flaw?' Says the builder, which again, is you, wow, you're really doing it, this isn't just a job anymore, it's who you are!
'Of course I wanted a fucking floor!' Says the other person, wow, they're cranky, they should have become a builder, then, like you, they'd be ace.
'So... You wanted a flaw?' You could confirm, wow, confirming has the word 'firm' in it, that's just like your handshake, at least your new handshake after your hands have gotten all strong from building stuff, stuff like buildings, because you're now a builder!
'It's a twelve story building, I wanted a lot of fucking floors!' Says cranky pants, if you have a lolly you should consider giving it to him. But you don't because you're a builder, why would a builder have a lolly? So instead you say...
'Woah woah woah, I'm a professional builder here, I may make the odd flaw, but I sure as hell don't make a lot of flaws' wow, remember that time in your old job, when you spent half a day thinking of a way to convince Janette at reception to eat her lunch in the park so you could fill her desk drawers with shaving cream, and your boss caught you and said 'that's so unprofessional? Well hey that boss, suck on this, you just called YOURSELF professional! How'd did you turn your life around? Easy, you became a builder! It's so ace.
'Well I hate to tell you buddy, but you've built fucking floors on every level' oh cranky face, cheer up, just because you're not a builder doesn't mean you HAVE to be cranky.
'You take that back, I built one flaw, and that was intentional, but I did not put flaws on every level' look at you, defending your work and standards of excellence, it's so ace what you've become, and in sport defense is the best way to defend stuff, other than attack, you're winning the game!
'Well what the fuck are we standing on, looks like a floor to me' now he's getting it, he's seen what you wanted him to see, about time, it's been right in front of him the whole time.
'Exactly, there's a flaw right there' wow, that's direct to the point, remember when your mother told you it was rude to point, well now that kid with the giant birthmark on his tongue, that made it impossible to fit in his mouth, rendering him a constant panter, is no longer allowed to cry, because you're pointing for good!
'And you're telling me that if we stood in this same fucking spot one level up there wouldn't be a floor?' What a cranky idiot, you've just pointed at the flaw, and now he wants to go look at a floor?
'Exactly, no flaws up there' you say, and how ace, you've used the word 'no' for good, take that the guy who stole your car even though you said 'no' he couldn't have it.
Cut to two minutes later in the same spot one level up, two people are standing looking at the floor, one of them is a builder, and that one is you! How ace.
'Alright, so you're telling me that's not a fucking floor?' Says crank head, this is a perfect floor, why would it have a flaw.
'Absolutely, not a hint of a flaw there' hint is a fun word to say, consider these three fun sentences 1. 'I'll give you a hint, it's not glue' 2. 'I'd like to by a hint please, oh wait, are they're pronounced hint or hornet?' 3. 'Hint hint, wink wink'. Wow, now you're using words that could get someone something devoid of glue, you're getting a hornet and you're even allowing people to say things they could physically do instead! Yay.
'So if it's not a floor then what fucking is it?' This cranky tits sure is dumb.
'It's just a floor, are you a moron?' Ace, you called someone a moron, a moron would never be able to spot a moron, that means you're not a moron! And how could you have been, because you're a builder!
Next you'd get to see someone rip out there own hair, kick over a bucket, then head butt a wall, which would hurt, cause it's a strong wall, there's no flaw in the wall.
So there you go, become a builder, and specifically a builder who builds things like buildings. As far as I can tell there are only three flaws in this plan:
1. You'd have to pretend you'd never heard of the 'who's on first' comedy routine.
2. You'd have to build stuff, which looks hard.
3. You might have someone tell you these flaws, then due to an easy to mistake language confusion, you may try and stand on this list, almost certainly causing you to fall to your death.
But other than that it's nothing but awesome stuff, how ace! But now also consider this, if you choose NOT to become a builder, you probably have a lolly, it's the world's best win-win!