In the beholder - a poem

Jeremy took out his left eye, Roger, and hid it on top of the medicine cabinet.

Jeremy was hoping to use Roger to catch a look at his roommate, Kathy, in the nude.

But when Roger saw Kathy getting ready for work,

Plucking eyebrows...

Wielding eyelash curlers...

Administering mascaras...

Squirting eye-drops to remove hang-over blood shots...

Squishing in contacts...

Swearing bloody murder at how hard it was to get contacts in, without once blaming her eyes themselves for said trouble, which would have been easy to do, believe me...

And gently dabbing on eye shadow...

All to make her eyes look the best they could.

Well it made Roger feel sad...

And unloved...

And lonely...

And removed...

And scarred...

And misplaced...

And disenfranchised...

And desolate...

And unsalitatiable...

Although it wasn't really sure what 'unsalitatiable' meant.

Which made it feel stupid...

And uneducated...

And ignorant...

And re-disenfranchised...

And despondent...

And devoid from the loop center...

And out of sync with the rhythm of the cosmos...

And cocooned in a sorrow of insulation...

And cracked under a weight of feathers made from the heaviest malnourishment known to the unknowing lord of dumb...

Even though technically 'unsalitatiable' isn't even a word. 

So it dove into the toilet to commit suicide.

As the splash bounced around the porcelain, Roger felt awash...

With toilet water...

And regret...

And misinformation...

And overuse of ellipse...

And overwrought hairbrainedness...  

And fear of what was next to it...

Physically I mean...

I mean...

Ewwww, what else would be in a toilet bowl...

Gross....

Roger thought with an ewwwww on his breath...

Even thigh technically it didn't have lungs...

Making him feel like a liar...

And yet making him feel like he was about to suffocate to death...

Which proved he was NOT a liar...

Yet still an unhappy...

Sad...

Morose...

Broken...

Lost...

Forgotten loser...

Who was about to die from a FAILED suicide attempt...

And it was right then...

In that moment...

That he met a goldfish, named Jill, who had been dumped in the

toilet earlier...

While it was trying to have an, admittedly, poorly timed, and extremely deep nap. 

And Roger and Jill fell in love.

And got married.

With a generous, and very wet, toilet paper tube acting as celebrant. 

And somehow they had twenty seven kids over the next three weeks, despite Roger not technically possessing any sort of genitals. 

The end.

Jeremy went on to have his other eye eaten out by a rat, which proceeded to move into his skull. 

Kathy met a guy who said he fell in love with her 'when I saw your eyes'.

She has no idea that he actually meant the eye shaped orange 'bugs' with phenomenal emotional depth that live behind her toilet. 

But 'meh' it's still better than having your creepy roommate see you naked.