Monday, December 6, 2021

Celebrations, and other things you should stick in a bowl and eat

 Well it's happened. 

That's right, good people of the Expansion Fantastical universe- we posted our one thousandth blog the other day!

That's one THOUSAND times, I, David Tieck, have had a bunch of thoughts, and thought - you know what, these are thoughts that I think the internet will think are worth thinking about. 

And I was right. The internet thought - yay. And they turned those yays into clicks. And they turned those clicks into reads - in fact, we also just hit our 990000 read!

Who'd have thought, that thoughts like these thoughts could reach so many thousandths of thinkers? Yay. 

It's a time to celebrate, sure. But it's also a time to reflect. And with reflection comes questions. So I put it out to the universe - ask me anything you want to know about the blog. And the universe... responded. 

"Ok, so, but like what the hell is the blog actually ABOUT"? 

People have been asking me this question for decades. On planes, on bikes, on trikes, on trains on rails, on railway style trapeze home game editions of the price is right, on homing pigeons with their settings set to "human size parcels", on Parcels United Brand skateboards, and even on NON transport devices like in cars or on Star Trek style "transport" pods. 

And my answer to this question has come on lunar modules, in buses, on planes, and even on Star Wars style "transport" pods. 

And that answer has been a resounding - YES. 

Because the blog is about THIS!

But it's also about other things. Many other things. Many other things like...

Helmets, and carpet, and the crushing defeat of the corn starch industry’s infiltration of rice bubbled cereals - HEY corn starch - FUCK OFF! 

Rice bubbled cereals are RICE's backyard - and you can get the fuck off rice's yard!

I mean, come on corn starch, keep to your own lane. Plus why do you even want to be in Rice's yard, when you have a whole LANE, and it's a great lane. 

Consider these amazing things ALREADY in your lane:

 - Cornflakes

- Corn Bubbles 

- Corn Starch Marching Men From Venus

- Corn Krispe Bites 

- Corns In a Bowl With Milks

- Corn Horngers 

- Corn Flavored Corn Corns and 

- Corn Flaked Bubbles of Corn Clusters 

Oh fuck. I have just been informed that not a single member of the list above is a real cereal. Not one. Yet each and everyone is spectacularly AWESOME. 

Well I think we've answered this one: 

"What the hell is the blog actually ABOUT"? 

It's about I, David Tieck, finally being declared the new LORD of cereal! 

And it's about getting me, David Tieck, finally officially DECLARED KING of CEREAL IDEAS, and possibly getting my name legally changed to David "CEREAL KING" Tieck

First next step: Call me Kelloggs and/or the other one (or ones? Who pays attention to cereal?) - I am ready to take my RIGHTFUL place at the HEAD of your cereal research and development department! No one knows the game better than me! 

First Job: Change the department name to - The Cereal Kings Workshop (please note, I just come up with the ideas, someone else can "work" them out). 

Wait wait wait, I just had another idea - new shipping method - Homing Pigeons with their settings set to - Cereal Sized Packages. 

I can't be stopped. 

Hire me FAST Kelloggs and/ or the other one (or ones), or this guy thinks that you'll have thoughts about how you should have thought to hire me, sooner! 

I think. 

Ps. Thanks for the reads. YAY! 

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