The Best Day Of My Life Initiative – Seven day weeks

Hello, hello, hello – well this is certainly exciting – and by ‘this’ I mean THIS, as in right now, what we are doing, which is something different for all of us, for the most part - especially those of you who spend most of their time contemplating the complete saturation of complex machinery trusted with filling gum machines in a philosophical and metaphysical, and possible even obstictypical way, which I began to write with the intent to mock, but now find myself desperately wanting to know more. How long have you been doing this? Really, MOST of your time? Does contemplation ever lead to actual action? Why do I have this entire section within parentheses, aren’t they supposed to mostly be used to indicate a minor point, possibly a degree a two away from the main topic of discussion? Who the hell am I to define, or even discuss the intention and dare I say it ‘rules’ of punctuation? Do you think anyone will Google, or even look up in a dictionary, the word ‘obstictypical’ to see if it’s a real thing? Why am I still exploring this sidetrack? Because I want to, that’s why! Wait, now I am answering these questions myself? Because if I can do that, why did I wait for that particular question to begin the answer part of the session? Anyway I might go finish the thought I meant to make a long way above this, cya!) (Wait, don’t go, I meant ‘cya’ as a message and friendly sign off to that line of thought, not to you the readers).

But I mean ‘this’ as in now, right now, this second, where we’ve all found ourselves at the same place at the same time, only at very different times, especially when you take into account not just where and when we are in the physical reality of the present, but also where we have been, and gone, and explored, before finding ourselves right here right now, at this exact moment, to be reading this blog (you) or writing this blog (me). Wait, unless you are writing this blog too! Wow, imagine if you are? Then what am I doing? What are any of us doing really?

Hang on, hang on – this new blog direction I am going on here in this blog, and by ‘this’ I mean the greater blog, or the royal blog, you know, the entire blog, rather than this specific edition, or example, or specific post of this blog, which makes me think about the fact that all we know right now, in this moment, is all that we know to be present. As in, while you read this blog, perhaps you are at a desk, or on public transport, or even reading this six hundred years from when I wrote this, having found it burnt in giant letter across a canola field, and yes I chose 600 years very, very specifically, it is not some rounded up or down or out number, it is a very intentional and precise number, as is the fact that I chose a canola field, I’m just saying that I know some things people, by which I mean I have predicted some stuff, stuff, given the seriousness of it, that should probably be discussed at a whole different time, and possibly completely different forum. I just can’t even begin to start with it here and now.

Ok fine, I will start – here are some predictions:

1.     In 600 years exactly there will still be humans.

2.     In 600 years exactly these humans will still consume products made out of canola.

3.     In 600 years humans will still occasionally discover stuff.

4.     Like the fact that occasionally other humans will waste a hell of a lot of time burning random ancient and obscure writings in fields of crops.

5.     Just out of boredom basically.

6.     Yes, I am serious, this is very serious, can you believe that in exactly 600 years some humans will not have all their time occupied at all times with relatable entertainment options, work responsibilities, and home life? Wow, such a different time from now, it really makes you think doesn’t it?

The point is that this is not the blog, the time, or the place to philosophize. It’s not about theory, or even relativity, this blog has only one intention or goal – to point out, and explain why, today was the best day of my entire life initiative!

So yeah, that’s all I have time for really, I got a little side tracked for a little while, but I am glad I found my way all the way back to the proper starting point. If I had a little more time I might even expand on where the starting point intended to get me. You know, why today was the best day of my entire life initiative.

Ok fine. I will just a little. Today was the best day of my life because that’s how I have decided to view it at the end of the day, and as much as possible during the day, and that’s exactly what I have done today, so it’s been a rampaging success.

And I have been up to this for a whole week now! It’s pretty damn sweet. Wait a minute, now that I read this back I never opened the parenthesise I so eloquently discussed at the top at all, I merely closed them. And so here it is, yet another reason why today was the best day of my life initiative – I can fix my mistakes anyway I damn well please.

(

Wow, now THAT felt good.

Ps. ‘that’ is a very close cousin of ‘this’ – sometimes it’s nice when family gets togather.

Pps – can Finnish people every finish anything without being mocked?

The Best day of My Life Initiative – Six and out

Hello everybody, fans, well wishes, innocent bystanders, guilty opportunists, shifty eyed psychopaths and people currently reading this. It is really fucking late, that means it’s the exciting time to once again play the exciting game that has me all excited – why the fuck didn’t I get around to doing this earlier, I need to go to sleep.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – ‘Dave, despite the fact you just used the word “exciting”, or a word very, very similar (for the sticklers) three times in one sentence, for some reason I am getting an unhappy or possibly even negative vibe from you’ – well, here is what I have to say to that – you’re WRONG. I don’t have ANY vibe going on right now, I am vibe free, still as a lake that a dead bird fell in long enough ago so that the ripples are no longer visible the naked human eye, neither shaken nor stirred nor prodded with a straw hoping it will make the ice melt faster, tightly held in a tight clasp of loosely hanging stildom. I am vibe free, unencumbered, unadulterated and unqualified, and even if I did have a vibe, and I don’t, that vibe would be far from negative. It would be a sweet, nectar oozing positive vibe, if I had a vibe that is, and I don’t. I am vibe free, unmoving, unthawed and ununmotionless, and I am stationary like this in a super positive happy way, and I will tell you why – because today was the best day of my life.

I began filming a web series today, which is super cool. I like co-wrote it, and I am co-starring in it, and I think it’s going to be co-awesome. I mean how could it not be? It is a web series, and webs are sticky, and pretty, and delicious and it is also a series, which are ongoing, in a row, and delicious, and this thing we are doing has both of those. It’s like a fun exciting adventure, and that’s now the fourth time I have used that word, or a word very, very, very similar (for the sticklers). I reckon if I used it perhaps somewhere between one and three more times, discounting the options one more and three more, and then quit using that word right there and then, perhaps adopting a method often seen in old movies where a form of radio transmitter is being used requiring you to say the word ‘out’ after you say each sentence, or else your pets just stay in the room contributing nothing, then I could probably get away with that amount of using that word tying nicely to the title I currently have sitting as a working title for this blog, and I won’t even have to bring up the fact that I watched some cricket today also, which will save me explaining how the words ‘six and out’ refer to a rule often implemented in backyard cricket to discourage people hitting the ball into other people’s backyards, swimming pools, and piranha ponds, and if I could avoid having to write that I think I would find it exciting.

Wow, I am excited now, I wonder if or how I will find a sixth opportunity to use that word, or a word very, very, very, very similar (for the sticklers).

Oh I also think I got a little sunburned today, which is cool, because it means I went outside, and I don’t think I get to say that everyday. So that’s three awesome things in one day – started filming my web series, got sunburned, and you know the other one. Three enjoyable, excit…. Woah NOPE, don’t fuck it up now Dave, unforgettable adventures. Living each day as the best day of your life sure is ex..tremely fun.

The Best day of my life initiative – five and dime

Welcome to the best day of my life initiative, the blog I write really late at night after promising myself I would do anything today, literally anything – eat a crocodile tooth that prior to my chewing was still deeply rooted in its owners gums, tattoo ‘I love being spat on by strangers’ on my face, corner an office worker and refuse to let them leave until they had given me every secret possible on how to get hired in an entry level data entry internship, I’m talking literally any stupid thing I could imagine, even some things not evolving any entry or exit of anything, well known to be the corner stones of stupid activities, what I am getting at is that I would do absolutely anything whatsoever to avoid writing this blog once again super late at night, and yet somehow I end up only eating crocodile teeth that were only shallowly rooted in the crocodiles mouth, illicit my face getting spat on with smoke signals and bus stop billboards, and end up getting paid shitloads of money for all the entry level data entry I do, and then somehow end up  writing this super late again. So late in fact that I barely even have time to dick around with nonsense at the top, and time and time again need to run straight to proving that today was indeed the best day of my life.

Like right now I have zero time to dick around, I’d love to just muck about, riffing on whatever comes to my head, whether relevant to how cool, complete, and complication free my awesome day was, or not. I could write about all sorts of things if given the time. Like for example prison riots, I could probably discuss them at length, perhaps break them down into type, location, motivation, goals, mission statements, ring leader types, outcomes and results, and all in all manner of specific detail, to the point where prison riots were finally completely understood to levels allowing them to be predicted, minimized and occasionally even completely avoided. I could dick about talking about something like for literally ten or twelve minutes, even if prison riots had very little to do with the day I had just enjoyed, like today for example where my experiences with prison riots was limited to a small scuffle over at Belzion Maximum Security over who’s turn it was to stir the home made clam chowder.

But I don’t have time for that type of activity, no way. All I have time for is to remain focused and on point, and simply explain my day, and why it was the best of my life, inspire the shit out of a few of my readers, but with direct language, uninterrupted flow, and precision accuracy, with no going off on tangents, or employing any form of experimentation, or getting sideswiped with back track detours. It’s just too late, I need to focus, get this done quickly, but interestingly and obviously not skimping on any of the quality.

Ok fine, I get it, you want me to at least flirt with something away from the cold hard facts. Ok, um – have you ever wondered why most basketball hoops aren’t made out wood? No? Me neither!!

Ok, awesome, that was totally worth the diversion. So like I was saying, today was the best day of my life. It was really, really fun. I slept in a bit, I ate some food, and this evening I went to a place that I didn’t think would be good, in a part of town I don’t tend to desire visiting, mostly with people I don’t know cozily, and I had a really good time. There is a lesson in there somewhere, possibly about not focusing on what you expect and instead just enjoy what actually happens in reality. No. Um, good times don’t necessarily have to come from reliable sources. Nah. Um, well, ok I think I got it – save some time, and money (ding – the title of this blog comes good) and that’ll probably feel good. Yep, nailed it.

Alright I need to have a quick snack then hit the sack, hmmm, maybe this time I’ll try a deeply gum rooted alligator tooth! 

The Best Day of my Life – four flying coat hangers

Hello everyone, so this is the best day of my life initiative, the blog posts I write really late at night when I really want to go to sleep, but have to do this because I promised myself I would, which sounds all negative and stuff, but it isn’t, because the whole concept of this blog is that I cast my mind over my day, and everything that took place during it, with an admiring glance, no more than that, a leer, as I picture my day as flawless, no more than that, perfect! Wait, is perfect more than flawless? It kind of has to be doesn’t it, because by definition if something is perfect then there can not be anything better. But flawlessness is pretty sweet too. Wait, no it’s not – that just means there aren’t any mistakes, like in my writing skills, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the thing you are talking about is actually good. You can be mediocre, unlike my writing skills, and still be flawless. Wait, I’ll prove it.

Kevin climbed the stairs.

Now that sentence was fucking flawless. All the words are in the right order, something happens, and we know who it happens too, and where it happens, and yet we are left with a sense of wonder, and anticipation, I mean, who is Kevin? Where are these stairs? What’s at the top of them? And for that matter what was at the bottom that was so scary/ not interesting that he left that behind for the potential safety/ more interesting excitement at the top. It’s almost brilliant in its simplicity, it’s not over thought, or played out. It’s informative yet intriguing. It’s captivating yet simple.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, oh fuck it is brilliant, aw man. Fuck, I have just gone and undermined my whole goddamn point. I wanted to write a flawless sentence that WASN’T also actually good. Well fuck me in the mosquito bite.

Shit, that last sentence was flawless and also visually stunning. I can’t be fucking stopped.

But why should I be stopped. I can write about whatever I want here, even about four flying coat hangers, if I want to, even though that’s in the title, and normally I wouldn’t want to reveal why until far deeper into my piece on my day, to save it as an illuminating and exciting reveal, like when a magician takes off his cloak and reveals that he’s actually just a loser playing with metal rings. Which sounds all negative and stuff, but it isn’t because he’s a magical loser.

So there were four flying coat hangers. Who knows why, or how, or why? It’s not important. Because as I have proven not giving everything away is a sign of brilliance, and that’s where I am stuck today, being bloody brilliant.

Oh great, alliteration, an awesome literary trick, I can’t stop.

The point is, today was the best day of my life. I had an audition that went well, I got some good work done, I ate a cookie, and I had several drops of sweat roll into my butt crack. I frigging nailed it. And I feel good.  I’m pretty sure at some point I consumed a beverage, and that’s awesome. In fact only one thing happened all day that I have regrets over – I wanted to write a sentence that was flawless but not amazing, I think I will give it one last shot.

Explode the crises.

Now that’s just damn right extraordinary. I think I may literally be perfect. 

Ps. Any remanding gramitcal or spelling mistakes in this piece were left in on purpose as part of my flawless war on perfection, and in no way represent a lack of being bothered to edit. 

The best day of my life initiative – three festering t-shirts

Hello people, assuming that most of the people reading this blog are in fact people, which is a matter of fact more than an assumption. The only ‘people’ who read this blog are definitely people. But that says nothing of the potential monkeys, invisible light beams, gas leaks, kittens, alien shoulder blades, or even (name a famous or notorious person you think has done such horrific things as to no longer warrant being considered a human here) well none of those things are human are they? And of course they’re reading this, so why did I discount their tireless, and generous reading truths?

Today was the best day of my life. Now here is something I have learned, when the only rules of your awesome new project have been cleverly crafted to ensure two and only two things:

1.     To live every day as if it is, and was, the best day of your life.

2.     To write at least a page about it before bed.

 Then two things seem to happen:

1.     Your life can turn out to be somewhat busy.

2.     It’s easy to procrastinate doing the writing until well after your planned bedtime.

Also there are two other things to note here:

1.     My life would have been really friggin’ busy regardless.

2.     I would have procrastinated the shit out of this regardless.

I think we have two of strong lessons here. 

1.     Separating the writing of this into various bullet points takes up lots of space which could quite easily be construed as an intentional method to short change the very point of doing this in the first place – for shame David.

2.     I’ve finally figured out why my bathroom smells like my old mouse cages that I kept mice in as a kid, which I always felt like was both the perfect thing to be kept in a mouse cage, and simultaneously was the best place to keep the mice.

3.     This last point is reminding me of just how smart I was as a teenager who kept mice as a pet – go me! I’m not one of those idiots who kept their mice in aquariums, their fish in atriums, and their birds delivering notes to the front bumper of cars, and ultimately being squished in the road so hard they just become a beaked part of it. 

4.     Remembering where I kept my mice is bringing up nostalgia which is an awesome and underutilized emotion, I mean it hardly even gets a look in during most half time pep-talks by coaches in charge of pee-wee lacrosse, and yet who among us doesn’t spend their lives without rolling around in our head three of four classic memories of epic lacrosse battles, which would be awesome fodder for half time speeches, and yet we all ignore them, why? Are we scared? Are we too sidetracked from hearing that gas leaks have developed the ability to read? Are we saving them up for a fun evening of playing the game spotlight on the grounds of a medieval era chateau? Who knows.

5.     Regardless is a weird word, and even weirder when you try and sneak it into a sentence where it really never should fit.

6.     Such as – the strong-armed helicopter pilot who has been accused of regardless the shopping trolley!

7.     Oh wait, I never told you the reason my bathroom smells like my old mouse cage, because my bath has three sweaty t-shirts in there from gym trips at least several days ago.

8.     Lists are fun places to lie about how long they were promised to be, I think that’s the definition of a win-win.

9.     Well I guess a win-win could also be defined by a situation such as a shark biting your arm off, which is like ‘cool, I always wanted to learn to play darts with my non-dominate hand’ and  ‘wow, I think I just spotted a shark!’

So I think what I have learned here is obvious, today was the best day of my life because I didn’t get around to doing this until really late because I was procrastinating on writing up about why today was the best day of life, which is an awesome excuse I previously didn’t have for staying up too late to write about the best day of my life. And anytime you figure out a new awesome, flawless and endlessly useful excuse for stuff, how could it not be considered the best day of your life, because it’s proof that we’re evolving, and if we are evolving then we still have a decent chance that humans can stay a in front of those evil alien shoulder blades.

Ps. Let me guess I bet your famous or notorious person from above was the same as mine? Let’s say them out loud at the same time, on the count of three.

1…

2…

3…

Kevin Costner!!!

Awesome, we were all the same, weren’t we? Yep we all know the truth of, he’s responsible for the dead birds you see on roads all over the world, just because he’s never figured out what his mouse cage is for.

Pps. When playing darts it’s a good idea to have the dart penetrate the board in the zones with lots of regardless triple regardless minge.