Reanimated Robot Spider Corpses are a REAL thing!

Reanimated Robot Spider Corpses are a REAL thing! 

And what it means for you!

Science has done some great things in its brief history.

Consider these amazing things we would not have without science…

• The name “the sun”, for what previously was just “that big f’n hot yellow gas ball dealy”. Brilliant name. Simple. To the point.

• Medicines — but not just those — the idea to put the medicine in a tube, then attach a hollow needle to that and then use that to penetrate your skin and go right into your blood stream and/ or ass? Imagine that never existed. Now try to invent it yourself. You can’t. You’d be laughed right out of here, or worse, thrown out on your ass “there try sticking a needle in it now you phycho”

• Underpants that wick away sweat for gods sake — WICK it away! Someone had to both think of that AND make it! And just thinking of the word Wick is beyond most of us feeble minded folk, lets alone making something wick. And they did that and then put it in our underpants — genius!

So if your like me your constantly in anticipation of what science is going to do next.

So I know what you’re thinking…

"I hope I live long enough to reach the point where scientists have solved so many of the world’s ills that they have time to reanimate dead spiders and turn them into robots…"

Well fear not, if you’re reading this you HAVE lived that long! Congratulations!

Although you may not want to be alive anymore, because scientists are reanimating fucking spiders.

As bonkers as this clearly is. This is completely real, actually true and even totally factual.

https://www.npr.org/2023/10/18/1198908301/necrobotics-reanimating-spiders-ig-nobel-prize

No seriously.

Consider these fun spider facts:

• They are icky

• Some of them are deadly, especially if they bite you, or if you see one near a busy highway so naturally jump into traffic to get away from it.

• When they walk on you they do it with too many damn foots! Way too many foots.

• Just reading about this invention makes my skin crawl so much I’m destined to spend most nights this month waking up every couple of hours to fumigate my entire home.

• There are already way too many of them, so we sure as heck don’t fucking need dead robot ones too!

According to NPR the scientist in question here came up with the idea when noticing dead spiders in her lab dead, upside down with legs curled up, that were dead and thought “hmmm I bet I can do something with that, maybe make them less dead”.

Which begs several questions such as:

• Why were so many spiders even in her lab?

• Why were so many spiders DYING in her lab, I mean what else is she working on in there?

• Why upon finding out there were spiders in her lab didn’t she take a fucking flame thrower to them?

The answer to these questions means one of the following is true…

• Science labs are specifically designed as sterile environments to stop any contamination and even keep shit as small as Bactria from getting in or out, but spiders are getting so sneaky that they can f’n sneak in? That means spiders can probably now get in ANYWHERE!

• Or else said scientist must be working on something WITH dang spiders, and we already know she’s nuts, so the first thing she was doing with them, before trying to turn them into tiny deadly frankenspiders, was probably terrifying also.

• Or Scientists have forgotten how to make flame throwers!

At least one of these is true and they are all TERRIFYING!

It story also raises one other little question?

What the fuck would you use a robot corpse spider for?

The answer is apparently is that they could be used to “pick up fragile materials like wires and even other spiders”

OTHER Spiders.

OTHER SPIDERS!

Let’s just be real for a second…

• We already have things that can pick shit like other spiders up you stupid scientists. They are called vacuum cleaners.

• Any time I have ever seen a spider carry something’s it’s never been sometime useful.

• Why, because I’ve never seen a fucking spider carry ANYTHING — you’re thinking of ANTS dumbnuts.

So let’s be real — they are using robot spiders to collect other dead spiders to turn into more robot spiders.

The logical conclusion therefore is that there is ZERO chance that these scientists are not building a dead reanimated robot spider army.

I have one more question to ask:

How the hell did we as a society, addicted to our phones, doom scrolling, and conspiracy chasing, miss the fact that dead robot spiders are a real thing?

This should be the answer to any doubt over anything — do you think UFOS could be real? Did they fake the moon landing? Are half our politicians actually monkeys in skin suits? Is God real and currently vacationing as the black banana that’s still on your bench because hell even though you never have made banana bread, you might one day? Are the other half of our politicians’ aliens in monkey suits wearing skin suits? Should I get myself one of these skin suits?

Answer to these and all other questions is: Well reanimated dead spider robots are real, so I guess anything is possible.

Yet this story came out years ago and barely made a splash, caused no executive orders to be signed, and didn’t even lead to an increase in spider squishing ready footwear.

                                                                        Dead Spider Art

In conclusions

• God damn it, I hate spiders.

• 
  

• Please note, on the several articles I just read about this thing, not one of them mentions taking out any poison or venom out of the spiders before they drive them out into the public.

• 
  

• Remote control reanimated spider corpse racing is almost certainly coming to your local sports betting App soon — I say don’t bet on the daddy long legs, they look like they can run, but those things will lose at least one leg per lap.

• 
  

• If you are worried about things that might ruin everything about the world then there is a chance some scientist already invented it.

• 
  

• If you own something you can’t pick up without a reanimated dead spider robot to do it, do you really NEED it picked up?

So what’s next — use of reanimated giraffe corpses necks to use as pool noodles? Use of reanimated jelly fish corpses to use as um — floating goo?

The answer is clearly — yes.

Science is great.

Ps. Sorry for the blasphemy vacationing black banana god — I hope you make a delicious bread.

Can I get a reanimation too please 

All NEW reasons to love… Omelettes!

It was a great day for loving stuff today everybody…

The warm sun was shining all warm, in some places. In other places the refreshing cold rain was falling all refreshing like. And in even other places even other weather was falling and or rising - weather like snow, sleet, hornet swarms, wind, darkness, the foreboding sense of decentation into unknown decent, mist, weird low clouds and even decanted sky water (fog!)

And fog can be pretty as FUCK under the right circumstances!

Hell yeah!

Also there was a tree somewhere, and trees are rad - consider these tree parts:

• Branches

• Leaves

• Trunks

• Nooks

• Owl Caves

• Ant nests

• Anteater surveillance equipment

• Bark

• Different nooks

• Other branches, n’ leaves n’ shit

• Owl n’ ant shit

All great. Hell Yeah!

What else has all those awesome things? Not flamingos, I can tell you THAT much.

But that’s no reason to hate on the humble flamingo. In fact here at all new reasons to love - we love flamingos, we even love flamincomes! (hehe)

But trees and flamingos are not our topic today…

Today’s topic - all new reasons to love… OMELETTES

Flatter than a pile of scrambled eggs, yellower than a pile of scrambled old iPhone chargers, fluffier than a person on an adult film who’s job is to refill the bowl of hard candies, full of more cheese than your average lactose intolerant sommelier..

“Which cheese pairs good with this wine master sommelier?”

“For me … none of them NONE OF THEM - Ahhgghh - well cashew cheese I guess, and cashew IS the best nut! Yay!”

That’s right, we all love an omelette. Some even say the buffet omelette station is the number one place on earth for the question “what even is a scallion”?

That’s right omelettes are rad, and create intrigue and curiosity - and intrigue and Curiosity would be great names for a pair of rambunctious traveling Private Investigating Flamingos!

“How did you catch me, I was so careful?”

“You sure were, but no one is so careful that they they are even careful not to tell a couple of flamingos hanging around to piss off and stop beaking into their business”!

“What, those two Flamingos that I let beak all through my file cabinets, even the ones behind the false books case, were….”

“That’s right, that was Intrigue and Curiosity… private eyes - well private beaks - we’re trying to get that term out there, but it hasn’t taken on quite yet, but it will, it will!”

“Blast it, no one suspects the flamingos!”

Blast it indeed. Blast that omelette with ham AND bacon that is - this ain’t just any station, this is an omelette station!

So those are the traditional reasons to love omelettes - but here are:

Seven all NEW reasons to love omelettes.

1. They make a way better AND cheaper back up frisbee than a diamond necklace!

2. They are easier to cook than an entire moose that’s still alive and currently in your backyard looking at you with those beautiful big “please don’t eat me” eyes.

3. They are a great place to chuck in any left overs from the fridge - an omelette is like natures worm farm - you can chuck almost anything in there and it’ll work. Vegetables, meats, left over adult film hard candies all go great in an omelette. Or got a dickhead flatmate building a giant Lego world in the living room and always telling you not to go near it. Cook him an omelette - then throw in the key Lego piece, the piece that’s going to be the bridge to the two halves of his masterpiece. And in an omelette it will just “work” man. And then when he says “have you seen that one significant Lego piece that I need or else all of this was a waste of six years of my life” just say “no” and then casually put on a pair of x-ray glasses and then with a mischievous grin say, “wait, ask me again”. Hell yeah!

4. Omelettes are also a great motivational tool for finally completing work on your x-ray glasses project.

5. They may a better replacement hub-cap than a pair of moose antlers tied to a poorly sanded piece of drift wood.

6. Omelettes are a better present than a diamond necklace - because they come from the heart! Frankly that scene in Pretty Women where that dick tries to take her finger off when she tries to pick up that necklace - put an omelette in that box - now her laugh makes sense!

7. Also know that scene where that lovable lady of the night, sneaks out in the day and gets revenge by buying lots of clothes? Now imagine she also goes to the original sales lady’s home, breaks in, slashes all HER clothes, makes love to her John in HER bed, and then makes an omelette in HER kitchen with HER eggs, and doesn’t make enough to share!!! Now THAT’S revenge.

Well I think we’ve answered this one. Did we already love omelettes - you bet your diamond necklaced ass. Do we now have even MORE reasons to love them - well good luck, you won that bet when you bet your ass, and now you have two asses, and you can bet BOTH of them that we have more reasons to love Omelettes right now!

Woo hoo!

A Perfect Omelette

Thanks for joining us. Don’t forget to like and forward and get this tattooed on your ass. And let us know in the comments if you also have even MORE reasons to love Omelettes!

Ps. At the moment, when our hero flamingos ask to beak around people’s private stuff, people just say “yeah, who could say no to a flamingo” - but when word gets out that Intrigue and Curiosity are actually the worlds foremost Private Beaks, we worry their access will be harder to attain. Anyone got any good costume ideas for them?

Pps. So far we’ve tried pantomime horse, off brand boy wizard, and tree - but their legs keep giving them away!

Ppps. And yes, we HAVE already tried having them stand on top of each other wearing a trench coat. Um, yeah, that’s right - the surprisingly handsome lactose intolerance sommelier earlier WAS the flamingoes and they got back every damn millimeter of the microfilm - the bad guys had been hiding it in the cashew cheese this whole time!

Pppps. Da da da la la la

If you know some bad guys

Or have some arch foes

Just call

Intrigue and Curiosity

The surprisingly handsome lactose intolerance

Flamingos

Da da da

La La La

Also great at wine recommendations!

Pppps. You also won that double ass bet on Omelettes, and now you have FOUR asses! Woo hoo!

Note: If you too are a lover and like to find new reasons to love something - send it to us at… and we will publish it right here in your name!

Best blog EVER!

Even More New Reasons To Love Donkeys

Todays a great day to love Donkeys!

Consider this:

‘Donkey, Donkey…… Donkey oh god damn it!!!’ Said Mitch.
He’d just been lost a bet.

‘I bet you can’t say Donkey twice without at least thinking about saying it a third time, probably even saying it!’
Don had made his living off this bet for six years now.

‘It came to me by accident one day’ he explained to me, when I was given a rare chance to interview this great man ‘you see I saw a donkey, so I went “donkey” and then right away I saw a second donkey so I went “donkey” and even though I didn’t see a third donkey, and never even went close to seeing a third, I realized I was still thinking the word “donkey” and even had the desire to say it, it was a revelation’.

‘Astonishing’ I replied, and thankfully Don continued.

‘It took another six years to figure out how to monetize this weird anomaly, I was chatting to a friend one day, once again frustrated, and angry, “I know I can make money from this, I CAN, I just can’t unlock the secret” I said, slamming my fists down on the table in the coffee shop.
“No you can’t, so please, please, please stop fucking going on about it” my friend replied.
“So you’re telling me that you think you can say Donkey out-loud two times back to back and not even think about saying it a third time” I disputed.
“Of course I could” he replied.
“Wanna bet,” I said, without even thinking about it. I don’t know where it came from, I’m not normally so confrontational, so aggressive, so daring and I certainly was not a gabling man, but then I guess (chuckling to himself) it turned out I still wasn’t, let’s just say that I didn’t pay for my ham, cheese and tomato hold the tomato omelet that day, in fact I’ve never paid for one again’.

‘So why reveal the truth, why expose yourself?’ I asked ‘Surely once the secrets out the ride will be over, or at least the ride will be over run with new riders?’

‘Oh exactly!’ He stated with not a hint of irony or sarcasm in his voice.

‘Exactly? EXACTLY? You’re saying exactly? You’ve got the golden goose man!’ I replied shocked.

‘Look Dave, I get why you’re so surprised. When I made this discovery, believe me, I knew I was set, I was thinking, “This is it! This is what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life!” I didn’t doubt it. I KNEW it. But now six years in, it might sound weird, but as good as this is, I’m ready for another challenge. I need to go Avante-Guad, challenge the status quo, and be truly creative again. Throw off this seemingly impenetrable armor and be vulnerable again. Like when Clooney left ER. It might be a failure. But I still have to try. And I couldn’t without first giving away “Donkey, Donkey, Donkey” so it’s out there now, for the whole world to use!’

‘You’re a generous man Don’

‘I’m really not, just a dreamer, just like everyone else.’

‘Well you’re definitely an inspiration.’

‘Well I don’t know about that, but thank you’.

‘So then there’s only one question left to ask, what IS next, where do you start?’

‘Great question Dave. But to be honest I’m really not sure. I know I need to delve deep into my soul, find out what I fear the most, then take on THAT as hard as I can. It scares me to death, so that’s how I know it could be right,

So, ok I’ll let you in on a secret, I’m contemplating trying out ‘Mule Mule Mule’, I know I know I know, it couldn’t possible work right? Exactly. Plus, and this is where your head will explode, instead of betting for a ham, cheese and tomato hold the tomato omelet I’m going for Everest and trying for a Frittata!!! I may never be seen again, but to be brutally honest eating nothing but omelets was starting to bore me.’

Well there you have it folks. Don is out there exploring, dreaming, taking on life with open arms, aren’t you all inspired? What are you going to do next?

Not an Omlette

All New Reasons To Love… Donkeys

Welcome All New Reasons To Love. This is the blog where, like, consider this — there is too much hate out there. Just like loads of it. And not all of it even is out there, some of it’s in here, and in here is where WE are. It’s terrifying.

Yet at the very exact same time, there is not enough love out there OR in here. Fucknhell!

And it only gets worse from there and here — because despite this imbalance, people are always coming up with NEW ways to hate. Yet hardly anyone is coming up with new ways to love, and I hate that.

So I am changing it. Plus change is awesome! For example I once found some change IN an arcade game change return slot, and I returned it right back into the game! Hell yeah! That’s a change WIN.

So it’s time for change — and got all new reasons to love some stuff.

Today — all new reasons to love… DONKEYS.

Now, we all know the usual well established reasons to love donkeys..

They make great friends. They are awesome in a crises. They are arguably the cutest of all the four legged hooved beasts. They say “eeeorrr”, which is both a fun noise to make, and a great way to hear someone’s idea but gently direct them towards a better idea!

Consider this:

“Why don’t we negotiate with the Hopperston Trust, and try to get their board to lower prices just for the rest of this quarter.”

“No, that sucks idiot.”

Instead try this:

“Why don’t we negotiate with the Hopperston Trust, and try to get their board to lower prices just for the rest of this quarter.”

“eeeoorrr we could just buy them out completely and set our own prices AND acquire their company jet! “

Wow. Not only did the first guy not feel as bad, but we also just scored a JET! Thanks Donkeys!

Plus, unlike with the majority of mammal genitalia, if someone calls you a Donkey Dick, it’s king of silly, and you can’t help but feel good.

Try these three:

Hey pal, did you just look at me weird, you total Marmoset dick!

Hey pal, did you just look at me weird, what are you some sort of Donkey Dick.

Hey pal, did you just look at me weird, you total huntsman spider dick.

Isn’t the middle one the nicest? Yes it is. Thanks Donkeys. Plus, “yes I did just look at you weird pal, you have personality like a duck dick — you weird corkscrew thing — no no no, don’t punch me, I meant Donkey Dick, agghhh, yes you can buy me a beer. Yay new friend.”

So those are the usual ways we all know and love to love about Donkeys. But here are six ALL new ones.

1. Find a donkeys head in your bed, and it probably will have the whole rest of it attached, because the mob traditionally use horses heads for that form of punishment and intimidation. Plus YOU are not a high powered movie exec, and therefore you don’t own a prized race Donkey. So if you find a donkey head in your bed, just smile man, everything is going to be ok!

2. “Donkey” is fun to say. Along with “Monkey”, “Wildebeest”, and “Spiny Lumpsucker Pleasing Fungus Beatle”, it is probably one of THE most fun animal names to say.* Woo hoo.

3. Donkeys make surprisingly well weighted paperweights — and they hardly ever eat your important paperwork, unless of course you printed then out on carrot paper!

4. Donkeys make a really great alternative to a paper shredder, just as long as you print all your important documents on carrot paper. And…

5. Donkeys are great for industry, for example some say up to 80% of all carrot paper is sold to corrupt corporate type Donkey paperweight owners. No one knows the exact number because the piece of paper it was written on disappeared some where.

6. If you find some carrot papers head in your bed, watch out, your pet donkey might have been meaning to eat that, and might now be hungry, and irritable, which on a Donkey is HILARIOUS. Yay!

Picture: A typical Foul. While cute, they do NOT have a dick silly enough for making enemies into new friends.

So I think we answered this one — are there new reasons to love Donkeys? You bet your eeeeyoring Ass there are.

And the world just got a little more love in it. Yay. Go us!

Afterward

Ps. Please add any of your own new reasons to love Donkeys in the chat!

Pps. Arcade games rarely take change any more, so kids NEVER find any change in the return slot, and we wonder why kids aren’t as happy as they used to be???

Ppps. Try calling someone a Donkey Dick at a bar or in the stands at a sports match tonight, and then tomorrow write to us and tell us all about your new friend! Yay.

*Pppps. the Spiny Lumpsucker and the Pleasing Fungus Beatle are actually two different animals, however, I’m told the pleasing fungus is actually quite sticky, so one little slip one day, and we might get a combo! Hell Yeah!

Ppppps. Whats should we find more to love about next? Let us know in the chat and go into the draw to win a whole ream of carrot paper!

Signs that you should NOT go into the dark forest… unless you really really want to!

You know the one, it’s that one down over there, the one with all the trees, the one that’s dark even on sunny days, and the one that sometimes sounds like it’s screaming even though it’s probably not, because as far as you know forests don’t have a mouth and yet maybe they do, because really we’re just relying on scientists for these things — and how often are scientists wrong? Occasionally! That’s how often! And how far off are they when they’re wrong? Slightly! Usually at least. So maybe with this whole — “no, dark forests DON’T have mouths” stances that they are stuck on is only slightly off, which might mean SOME mouth — and that’s terrifying!! And that’s even before we start even thinking about a forest having a larynx — good GOD!

Also, it’s just occurred to me that the human hand has a “palm”, but the foot doesn’t, why not? Fuck you scientists.

According to Google that part of the foot could be called a number of things:

1. A sole: which is part of a shoe and the part of you which goes to heaven and or farts out of your dead body and gets smelled up by birds.
2. The Dorsal Surface: which is the part of dolphins which makes them look like sharks and therefore makes birds hanging around the surface of the ocean shit themselves, which is often shit full of YOUR dead sole!
3. The Medial Planter on one side and the Lateral Planter on the other side — which sounds like you’re planting some dudes lats into the ground during medieval times — which is probably the era where people were MOST likely to plant random dudes side muscles — so your not even being unique!

Meanwhile the hand is reminiscent of a fucking cocktail on a beach under a palm tree — the Cocktail being held in your PALM of your hand, try that with your foot — go on try it.

Great, now look at ya, you’ve spilled your cocktail all over the sand which is wasteful, and you look foolish, which can be quite freeing if you embrace it, good for you, you scored a tie — no thanks to science!

Speaking of planting latissimus dorsi muscles and palm trees, I bet the dark forest is FULL of them.

So here are signs you shouldn’t go into them unless you really really want to.

1. You sort of want to.
2. Fuck you, that was a trick, as AS IF you should go in if you only SORT of want to.
3. The wind was so strong that your kite literally got ripped violently from its string limbs and catapulted into the dark forrest — and you sort of like that kite, so you want it back.
4. You’ve recently made a fool of yourself trying to drink a cocktail with your foot, and you have yet to learn how to embrace it, so you need somewhere to hide away.
5. You’re a scientist and you want a GUARANTEED Nobel prize for being the first one of your type to discover the dark forests LARYNX!

Well I think we’ve answered this one. Probably don’t go in that dark forest. Then again it might be full of buried medieval latissimus dorsi muscles! And I bet by now they are DELICIOUS! Or else why else would people have bothered to bury them?

Now THATS science!

Speaking Of Friendship

Stephanie was there today. I’d met her a long time earlier when she was selling plastic owls at a plastic owl shop on a day I was shopping for plastic owls.

Her shop didn’t have any plastic owls that met my plastic owl needs that day so I promised I’d come back. A promise I kept every day for years.

This impressed Stephanie. ‘I’m impressed by a man who is clear and dedicated to his specific plastic owl needs’ she said to me, on my 754th straight day coming into the plastic owl store and failing to find a plastic owl that fit my plastic owl needs. ‘I like a girl who sells plastic owls’ I replied. And we’ve been friends ever since. We can talk for hours — about owls, about plastic, sometimes even about plastic owls!

It was from her that I found out that plastic can be used to make birds OTHER than owls — eagles, hawks, even some non-predatory birds! Quite incredible really.

I was glad to see Stephanie today as I’d recently stopped visiting the plastic owl store. You see I’ve recently discovered, much to my utter shock, that beavers can’t climb apartment buildings! I know. So I no longer even needed a beaver scaring plastic owl.

I learned four other important things that day too:

1. Why Stephanie’s plastic owl store never had a plastic owl that suited my plastic owl needs
2. Why the toothpick collection I keep on my fifteenth floor balcony has never been stolen from beavers
3. Even Stephanie, who has worked in the plastic owl business for years, still has some gaps in her plastic owl knowledge

4. An example of Stephanie’s gap in knowledge about plastic owls would be that beavers cannot climb apartment blocks

I was really looking forward to seeing Stephanie because I knew she’d be excited about expanding her plastic owl knowledge, but here is the thing, we had so many other things to talk about today that I never got around to it!

Like for example, during our chat, I learned that plastic can be used to make animals that aren’t even birds at all! Like alligators, lions and even non-predatory animals! Quite incredible really.

Friendship sure is awesome.

Does your town need a Diner called Gummy Pete’s? Here’s how to find out!

Does the following sound familiar?

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know what do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know what do YOU want for dinner?” 

“I don’t KNOW what do YOU WANT for dinner?” 

Etc 

It’s been reported that as many twelve different families have had this exchange. 

Some say as many as 6% of divorced couples that end up in divorce have had this conversation at some point in their marriage (twice during the reception - chicken or different equally tasty chicken option? You fools). 

Three out of every four three and four year olds have this conversation at every are you three or four feast. 

And I mean literally seventeen different international space station brawls resulting in a fatality started with a chat like this. 

Remember when we used to have two moons?

Well what few people know is that one time in the 1970s an argument broke out on the international space station over what to have for dinner, which eventually it descended to..

“Do you want the silver sack of slime or the silver tube of sludge?” and that was the exchange that started the fight that ended with the second moon accidentally being popped like a balloon- and they hadn’t even tested the soil for dormant intergalactic gnat feces yet. Aaaaggh. 

Which brings us to the number one reason YOUR town, (or city, or village, or backyard, or international space station) needs a new diner called Gummy Pete’s: 

Number One: “What should we do for dinner?” - Answer every single dang time “Gummy Pete’s!”

Number Two: Consider these great sentences you’d get to say 

- “I swear I wasn’t ignoring your calls, I was at Gummy Pete’s!” 

- “Who ate all the soup? Ah dang it, I was saving that, I got that at Gummy Pete’s!” 

- “The lab have confirmed those WERE bite marks on the victim, that means at this point EVERYONE is a suspect. Except of course you Gummy Pete” 

- “No I’ve never met anyone called Toothy Pat, it’s probably irrelevant, but I do know a Gummy Pete?”

- “Have you not met? Oh shit, well this is my friend Gummy Pete” and even

- “Hiiii Gummy Pete!” 

Number Three: The pancakes are probably pretty good. 

Well I think we’ve answered this one, yay, your town (or other kind of place or space station) DOES need a Gummy Pete’s! Congratulations. 

For information on signing up to be a franchisee please write in the comments why YOU are the person most worthy of running a Gummy Pete’s. 

Note: Gummy Pete’s franchises do come with a working milkshake machine, but we do not provide an actual Gummy Pete. If you do not know anyone named Gummy Pete you can hire, we recommend hiring someone named Pete and giving them LOTS of free milkshakes. 

Ps. I miss the second moon, it wasn’t as good at encouraging teenage boys to show their bums to people in McDonalds car parks as the one we have left, but oh boy did it try. 

Pps. If you don’t remember the second moon then the aliens won, damn, I was really rooting for us. 

Ppps. Just have a buffet at your wedding please, it’s the only way to keep everyone slightly below satisfied. 

Pppps. That was a test and you failed, all weddings should be at GUMMY PETE’S! 

Ppppps. Wait you can buy gummy candies that look like teeth, but NOT gummies that look like gums. That is so dang meta, you are brilliant Gummy Pete!