Hey everybody, this weeks Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! is a very special edition, it celebration of the wonderful Debbie and I finishing our script, and as a farewell for us heading to Cannes, we are having a party episode in front of live studio audience (some drunk friends), so this weeks questionnaire is all about parties.
1. Whats the most embarrassing/awesomenessous that's ever happened to you at a party?
2. If you could party with anyone who would you party with?
3. I think we should do an episode dressed up as if we were at a costume party, ohhh (meant to be a sexy ooh, but I don't know how to spell it sexy), who would you like to see myself, Faith and Eliza dressed up as?
4. Every party or bar I go to always has way more men than women, whats your favorite thing to imagine the ladies are doing instead?
If you're in the LA area and want to come watch the show, or come to the party let me know. 6pm Friday night!
Put your responses below, or email them to dtieck@gmail.com
Yay
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Advice from Dave
Substance abuse is a great way to forget your troubles.
If by abuse you mean - till you can't possibly handle anymore
and if by Substance you mean - cuddling kittens
And if by the . at the end you mean - plus consuming vast quantities of mind altering chemicals
And if by the after the . you mean - just joking, it would be irresponsible for me to suggest such things especially seeing as I don't partake in any drug taking myself, unless you count alcohol, and seeing as you definitely should count the biggest death causing drug of all, then I guess I am just a hypocrite and probably shouldn't be trusted anyway
But then again, if you to you the above sentence meant all that, maybe your troubles run a little beyond my ability to help you.
If by abuse you mean - till you can't possibly handle anymore
and if by Substance you mean - cuddling kittens
And if by the . at the end you mean - plus consuming vast quantities of mind altering chemicals
And if by the after the . you mean - just joking, it would be irresponsible for me to suggest such things especially seeing as I don't partake in any drug taking myself, unless you count alcohol, and seeing as you definitely should count the biggest death causing drug of all, then I guess I am just a hypocrite and probably shouldn't be trusted anyway
But then again, if you to you the above sentence meant all that, maybe your troubles run a little beyond my ability to help you.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Things I learned this morning
- Hippies are not hip ecstasy pills
- Tuxedos look weird on giraffes
- Walls are curtains that work
- Witches are often good spellers
That's right I have had a hell of a morning.
- Tuxedos look weird on giraffes
- Walls are curtains that work
- Witches are often good spellers
That's right I have had a hell of a morning.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Clearly I have been a total prick
Because I completely forgot these questions and suggestions posed to me ages ago. Time to correct this farcical culumbdumiam of mine.
1-Something new you learned lately, I dunno, like what I just learned.
Hmmm, I am always on the learning curve, in fact I am a lover of curves, turning curves in my car, even though I dont have a car, throwing curve balls, even though I don't know how to, the curves of a woman, even though I don't get to enjoy them anywhere near as much as I would like to.
Actually, fuck that, I am no fan of curves at all. I just WISH I was a fan of curves.
Curves is also the name of the GYM which only allows women, what the hell is the deal with that? The biggest motivating force that gets me to the gym is the thought of perving at girls getting all sweaty and putting their bodies in weird uncomfortable positions. It makes me think of enjoying exploring her curves. And that it is a curve lesson that should never be forgotten. Don't women want to watch those pretentious assholes that check out their own abs in the mirror while at the gym and remind themselves that although they probably love nice abs on a guy that it isn't worth it if the guys that have them are that self involved, only to immediately forget it when the guy in the bar with the great 6-pack starts chatting to them at the bar?
Silly silly curve ladies.
In fact my favorite thing about curves is that they are the opposite of a straight line and a straight line is the shortest distance between too points, which makes curves way less obsessed with just getting their the quickest, stop and enjoy the ride motherfuckers.
Or, yeah, spill some more manly secrets
Were all mere scared little boys inside who just wish to be held, oh wait thats just me. Hmmm manly secrets. Here is one I should never tell anyone anywhere on earth, so the internet will do. If I haven't had an orgasm for a few days, and then I use the bathroom in the number two style, sometimes it cums out...... wait wait wait stop that David, leave the odd thing to the imagination, for once you might be right Dave.
It has been coming more and more to my attention recently that I am so far from the normal male that I may no longer be able to speak for my sex. I am also so far from being a normal human that I may stop speaking for those people type dealies too, but oh well, my alien friends are still ultra cool.
2-Any cock-blocking stories? (sorry, I have sons, they think this subject is hilarious--they send me YouTube links)
I'm so cool and hip that I just had to google the term to make sure I knew what it meant. Ah cock-blocking. The key to not being cock blocked is to have a group of friends with a basic moral code. Simple rules, whoever meets the girls gets first choice, if his choice wants one of his friends bad luck for said friend, he should have met her first. Unless the guy that met them finds success with another of the girls, in which case he has non-verbally given his permission. But still, no boasting allowed after, only thanks. If your in a bar and you see a girl you like, you have first dibs as long as you make the move first, if you ask a friend to do it then they are allowed to proceed with your choice, although a good friend still wont. Never hit on a girl who is with another guy. Always assume boyfriend until they have given decisive evidence that this is false.
Fuck me, just reminding myself I need a wingman in this town stat, no wonder I have not being getting even close to any action.
Um, cock-blocking. I have never done it, and anytime someone who is acquaintance of mine has done it to me or anyone else they have ceased to be my friend.
That's the real manly lesson, many of us have a strong moral code, even when it comes to causal sex or just chasing girls. We have it because if we didn't we'd just kill each other. For the most part it goes unspoken, but it is there.
The lesson is, if you see a guy you want, go after him, because if his friend sees you first he may be morally unable to ever do it. Also if you see a guy you like, pawn your friends off on his friends, in the words of snoop dog "it aint no fun if the homies dont get none'
3- Craig Ferguson or Conan O'Brien or ________?
These are two heroes of mine. Conan because his writing and twisted take on the world is just incredible, and the way he explores when doing remotes is something I very much hope to replicate one day.
Craig because he is so free and natural, most of his show is improvised so he is completely in the moment. When I reach this level of freedom I will become a great comedian, until then I will just watch him with joy.
More to come tomorrow :)
1-Something new you learned lately, I dunno, like what I just learned.
Hmmm, I am always on the learning curve, in fact I am a lover of curves, turning curves in my car, even though I dont have a car, throwing curve balls, even though I don't know how to, the curves of a woman, even though I don't get to enjoy them anywhere near as much as I would like to.
Actually, fuck that, I am no fan of curves at all. I just WISH I was a fan of curves.
Curves is also the name of the GYM which only allows women, what the hell is the deal with that? The biggest motivating force that gets me to the gym is the thought of perving at girls getting all sweaty and putting their bodies in weird uncomfortable positions. It makes me think of enjoying exploring her curves. And that it is a curve lesson that should never be forgotten. Don't women want to watch those pretentious assholes that check out their own abs in the mirror while at the gym and remind themselves that although they probably love nice abs on a guy that it isn't worth it if the guys that have them are that self involved, only to immediately forget it when the guy in the bar with the great 6-pack starts chatting to them at the bar?
Silly silly curve ladies.
In fact my favorite thing about curves is that they are the opposite of a straight line and a straight line is the shortest distance between too points, which makes curves way less obsessed with just getting their the quickest, stop and enjoy the ride motherfuckers.
Or, yeah, spill some more manly secrets
Were all mere scared little boys inside who just wish to be held, oh wait thats just me. Hmmm manly secrets. Here is one I should never tell anyone anywhere on earth, so the internet will do. If I haven't had an orgasm for a few days, and then I use the bathroom in the number two style, sometimes it cums out...... wait wait wait stop that David, leave the odd thing to the imagination, for once you might be right Dave.
It has been coming more and more to my attention recently that I am so far from the normal male that I may no longer be able to speak for my sex. I am also so far from being a normal human that I may stop speaking for those people type dealies too, but oh well, my alien friends are still ultra cool.
2-Any cock-blocking stories? (sorry, I have sons, they think this subject is hilarious--they send me YouTube links)
I'm so cool and hip that I just had to google the term to make sure I knew what it meant. Ah cock-blocking. The key to not being cock blocked is to have a group of friends with a basic moral code. Simple rules, whoever meets the girls gets first choice, if his choice wants one of his friends bad luck for said friend, he should have met her first. Unless the guy that met them finds success with another of the girls, in which case he has non-verbally given his permission. But still, no boasting allowed after, only thanks. If your in a bar and you see a girl you like, you have first dibs as long as you make the move first, if you ask a friend to do it then they are allowed to proceed with your choice, although a good friend still wont. Never hit on a girl who is with another guy. Always assume boyfriend until they have given decisive evidence that this is false.
Fuck me, just reminding myself I need a wingman in this town stat, no wonder I have not being getting even close to any action.
Um, cock-blocking. I have never done it, and anytime someone who is acquaintance of mine has done it to me or anyone else they have ceased to be my friend.
That's the real manly lesson, many of us have a strong moral code, even when it comes to causal sex or just chasing girls. We have it because if we didn't we'd just kill each other. For the most part it goes unspoken, but it is there.
The lesson is, if you see a guy you want, go after him, because if his friend sees you first he may be morally unable to ever do it. Also if you see a guy you like, pawn your friends off on his friends, in the words of snoop dog "it aint no fun if the homies dont get none'
3- Craig Ferguson or Conan O'Brien or ________?
These are two heroes of mine. Conan because his writing and twisted take on the world is just incredible, and the way he explores when doing remotes is something I very much hope to replicate one day.
Craig because he is so free and natural, most of his show is improvised so he is completely in the moment. When I reach this level of freedom I will become a great comedian, until then I will just watch him with joy.
More to come tomorrow :)
Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! Episode four
We got freakin nuts, and I don't mean in the dirty way, plus we got dirty too, We got intrigued, talked blemishes, and more of the mystery of Dave!
Have a watchy watch
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6571894
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6572964
And thanks everyone for your magical Questionnaire answers, they really do make the show awesomeousness!
Have a watchy watch
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6571894
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/6572964
And thanks everyone for your magical Questionnaire answers, they really do make the show awesomeousness!
Friday, April 30, 2010
From the mouths of the innocent few
Tommorrows Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! Is coming live from an institution of higher learning, and with that in mind please find attached this weeks magical Questionnaire. Feel free to embrace or ignore the fact that these questions were all first asked of a playboy model.
What's your favorite place to be kissed?
Are you a natural blond?
hey what are things u do when ur bored ??
what are ur greatest assets ?
As always reply right here or email answers to dtieck@gmail.com
And stay tuned for awesome craziness type dealies :)
What's your favorite place to be kissed?
Are you a natural blond?
hey what are things u do when ur bored ??
what are ur greatest assets ?
As always reply right here or email answers to dtieck@gmail.com
And stay tuned for awesome craziness type dealies :)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Time for a change Faithy Faith and Davey Dave
Miss Faith Willman and I will be shortly filming a pilot for a new travel show based on my book. As part of our preparations we got a hair style dealy around to, you know, fix us :)
Here is the beginnings of a lovely day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz5FKAcdaRY
Ready for a change
[Ready for a change]
Um yeah, that's a freakin' mess, cut your own hair for two years Dave, really? Shut the fuck up David
[Yeah thats a fucking mess, great job Dave cut your own hair for 2 years, fuck off David]
Although did have some glorious moments
[In its full glory]
Going for a big change can be nerve wracking, especially if you look down and see a pasty white chest and you live in Southern California
[Anxiously wishing his chest wasn't so pasty white]
Yet if the right person is doing the job the during can be quite enjoyable ;)
[I am happy for some reason, any guesses?]
But then eventually you look towards the floor and see this
[The aftermath]
And not for any Lost or 24 type TV cliffhangers or anything, you tell everyone to wait for a little while to see the results, just cause Faithy had to go out you know, so we couldn't get all the results yet, sorry
Here is the beginnings of a lovely day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz5FKAcdaRY
Ready for a change
[Ready for a change]
Um yeah, that's a freakin' mess, cut your own hair for two years Dave, really? Shut the fuck up David
[Yeah thats a fucking mess, great job Dave cut your own hair for 2 years, fuck off David]
Although did have some glorious moments
[In its full glory]
Going for a big change can be nerve wracking, especially if you look down and see a pasty white chest and you live in Southern California
[Anxiously wishing his chest wasn't so pasty white]
Yet if the right person is doing the job the during can be quite enjoyable ;)
[I am happy for some reason, any guesses?]
But then eventually you look towards the floor and see this
[The aftermath]
And not for any Lost or 24 type TV cliffhangers or anything, you tell everyone to wait for a little while to see the results, just cause Faithy had to go out you know, so we couldn't get all the results yet, sorry
Monday, April 26, 2010
Hey lover
Hey pillow, no no, you're the cuddly one, can I cuddle you? Really? Now I feel like a pervert. Ok fine, if that's the way you want it. Cuddle rape it is.
Friday, April 23, 2010
The magical questionnaire - celebrity edition
Several celebrities have decided to ask questions for the questionnaire this week how freakin' nice of them (or to ask questions on their twitter, but if they aren't doing it for Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! then who the hell are they doing it for? right!)
Comedian Arj Barker asks
How do u know he's the evil one?
Comedian Eugene Mirman asks
I wonder how long before Russia starts murdering journalists by lacing their food with the new KFC Double Down?
Conan O'Brien asks
Do I still have to tip her?
Steven Colbert asks
why isn't there a name for the meal between breakfast and brunch?
Russel Brand asks
Too soon?
Answer these questions so lovely provided for us by my celebrity friends (comedians I stalk on twitter) and reply right here in my comments dealy bit, or email me at dtieck@gmail.com.
The first response will form the heart of the show, and all other responses will be covered, so be part of the show!!!!! Yay.
Comedian Arj Barker asks
How do u know he's the evil one?
Comedian Eugene Mirman asks
I wonder how long before Russia starts murdering journalists by lacing their food with the new KFC Double Down?
Conan O'Brien asks
Do I still have to tip her?
Steven Colbert asks
why isn't there a name for the meal between breakfast and brunch?
Russel Brand asks
Too soon?
Answer these questions so lovely provided for us by my celebrity friends (comedians I stalk on twitter) and reply right here in my comments dealy bit, or email me at dtieck@gmail.com.
The first response will form the heart of the show, and all other responses will be covered, so be part of the show!!!!! Yay.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
More more more times saying more!
"Are we end-stopping daaaahlings?"
Oh no I don't think I did this last week, I must bring it back this week, hardcore.
A poor sentence is - Everything turns on a dime.
I know Nate, because that is a fucking lie, and when the lying begins where does it end, like this - in Switzerland people have a nasty habit of licking out the bottom of the fondue bowl and then going out in public kissing street lights which could be a nasty spreader of disease if two fondue eaters kissed the same street light on the same night AND also could be deadly to moths, which would be disastrous.
Now look what I did, because the lying was started before me I have gone and told my own lie and now I have slandered a whole nation in a way which will forever more have people look at them and snicker and then feel sorry for moths. THAT'S how evil lying is. You bastard dime.
I wouldn't want this dropped from a building on me - it hearts your ears, a penny from the top of the Empire State building penetrates deeply into the concrete,
I have heard that about those pennies, but I haven't seen it, and because of that I think there should be a new national holiday where we chuck stuff off the Empire State Building, and I know Letterman does it on his show, but not from that high, and not awesome stuff like cows, and happy coincident.
I know you meant hurts, but I like hearts. In fact I think single people should carry around a toy mushy heart with them the size of a baseball, and when you see someone your attracted to you just throw your heart at their heads, and if they don't want your heart they can just chuck it back at you, and then even though you've just been rejected it reminds you of playing catch with your dad, which will make you shed one single tear, and then have her think your really sweet and sensitive and then she'll go shag some asshole on the otherside of the bar because you know, girls don't like sweet guys they like assholes, and so they'll leave you to wallow in your misery. See how much better that would be than the current system!
I'm baffled by - People's inability to distinguish Civil Rights from Contracts
I think its because they are both C words, and when I see that letter C all I am thinking is cunt, and cock, and coo coo, and cocklenoodle, and once those four dealies have entered my brain then I am off on a journey which takes my imagination down flowing rivers, in front of shiny yet speeding buses, and into space with wings that are arms but which work as wings, and then I am like, what, wasn't I supposed to be thinking of something important?
Oh no I don't think I did this last week, I must bring it back this week, hardcore.
A poor sentence is - Everything turns on a dime.
I know Nate, because that is a fucking lie, and when the lying begins where does it end, like this - in Switzerland people have a nasty habit of licking out the bottom of the fondue bowl and then going out in public kissing street lights which could be a nasty spreader of disease if two fondue eaters kissed the same street light on the same night AND also could be deadly to moths, which would be disastrous.
Now look what I did, because the lying was started before me I have gone and told my own lie and now I have slandered a whole nation in a way which will forever more have people look at them and snicker and then feel sorry for moths. THAT'S how evil lying is. You bastard dime.
I wouldn't want this dropped from a building on me - it hearts your ears, a penny from the top of the Empire State building penetrates deeply into the concrete,
I have heard that about those pennies, but I haven't seen it, and because of that I think there should be a new national holiday where we chuck stuff off the Empire State Building, and I know Letterman does it on his show, but not from that high, and not awesome stuff like cows, and happy coincident.
I know you meant hurts, but I like hearts. In fact I think single people should carry around a toy mushy heart with them the size of a baseball, and when you see someone your attracted to you just throw your heart at their heads, and if they don't want your heart they can just chuck it back at you, and then even though you've just been rejected it reminds you of playing catch with your dad, which will make you shed one single tear, and then have her think your really sweet and sensitive and then she'll go shag some asshole on the otherside of the bar because you know, girls don't like sweet guys they like assholes, and so they'll leave you to wallow in your misery. See how much better that would be than the current system!
I'm baffled by - People's inability to distinguish Civil Rights from Contracts
I think its because they are both C words, and when I see that letter C all I am thinking is cunt, and cock, and coo coo, and cocklenoodle, and once those four dealies have entered my brain then I am off on a journey which takes my imagination down flowing rivers, in front of shiny yet speeding buses, and into space with wings that are arms but which work as wings, and then I am like, what, wasn't I supposed to be thinking of something important?
To answer your question, wait the other way
Chris says
The weird thing about yelling is?
We seem to be the only mammal this size that has to try hard to do it!!! I'd love to Yell freely, but it just hurts!
I know and that makes me mad, which makes me want to yell more, and then I am yelling at the pain cause by the yelling which leads to a break down of all society, and now there is no society which really makes me mad, and just as my rage gets so out of control that my head is about to explode it hits me, cartoon characters don't have real voices, they have other persons voices, isn't that kinda weird? Then the yelling kind of just drifts away.
One thing I would hate to have fall on me from a great height is Blessings? Because the greater the height they fall from, the greater an impact they may have on my life?
Yes and blessings are fucking vicious, I once sneezed and this girl walking past said "god bless you" and I am like "fucking hell, that's all I need, not just a blessing, but a blessing from god, the most powerful thing in the fucking universe dealy OR possibly even the most powerful thing ever imagined, and if he is only imagined then he can do fucking anything, like in your imagination he can have your fingers turn into peanuts and then have elephants come and eat your peanut fingers, and then have hunters come and hunt the elephant, and then have non-vegan food experimental enjoyment of that experiment people go "yeah I'll try an elephant steak" only then it turns out that out that out and that I made a mistake but I am running with it and then because of those food allergies you know to peanuts, they die, thats just how powerful an imaginary god can be, which is fucking psycho powerful which can be scary if you believe in such things, so how about keeping your blessings to yourself you bitch.
Wait, no that I think about it she was just being nice, sorry.
I'm baffled by the thought of destiny, if it is so, then why do I only seem to feel it when I'm not living in it!!?
Wow, you can feel it when you're not living it, ME ....... TOOOO!!! It feels a little naughty doesn't it? Yet it isn't and that in itself is a conundrum which can drastically changed your entire destiny in itself. Its a wild ride, Chris and I know, one day you may too.
Oh the new location for Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! is right here
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/ok-intriguing-hell-yeah
The weird thing about yelling is?
We seem to be the only mammal this size that has to try hard to do it!!! I'd love to Yell freely, but it just hurts!
I know and that makes me mad, which makes me want to yell more, and then I am yelling at the pain cause by the yelling which leads to a break down of all society, and now there is no society which really makes me mad, and just as my rage gets so out of control that my head is about to explode it hits me, cartoon characters don't have real voices, they have other persons voices, isn't that kinda weird? Then the yelling kind of just drifts away.
One thing I would hate to have fall on me from a great height is Blessings? Because the greater the height they fall from, the greater an impact they may have on my life?
Yes and blessings are fucking vicious, I once sneezed and this girl walking past said "god bless you" and I am like "fucking hell, that's all I need, not just a blessing, but a blessing from god, the most powerful thing in the fucking universe dealy OR possibly even the most powerful thing ever imagined, and if he is only imagined then he can do fucking anything, like in your imagination he can have your fingers turn into peanuts and then have elephants come and eat your peanut fingers, and then have hunters come and hunt the elephant, and then have non-vegan food experimental enjoyment of that experiment people go "yeah I'll try an elephant steak" only then it turns out that out that out and that I made a mistake but I am running with it and then because of those food allergies you know to peanuts, they die, thats just how powerful an imaginary god can be, which is fucking psycho powerful which can be scary if you believe in such things, so how about keeping your blessings to yourself you bitch.
Wait, no that I think about it she was just being nice, sorry.
I'm baffled by the thought of destiny, if it is so, then why do I only seem to feel it when I'm not living in it!!?
Wow, you can feel it when you're not living it, ME ....... TOOOO!!! It feels a little naughty doesn't it? Yet it isn't and that in itself is a conundrum which can drastically changed your entire destiny in itself. Its a wild ride, Chris and I know, one day you may too.
Oh the new location for Ok, intriguing: Hell Yeah! is right here
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/ok-intriguing-hell-yeah
Continue to be awesome, now there, good sir
A crazy happy enigma
High above blissfully falling fast
Joyfully swimming in the moat
My weird unexpected mysterious paradox
Changing mischievous impish needs
Silly out there randomness
Constantly unforseen belief altering
Bizarre peculiar abnormal atypical unusual
And joyfully blissfully owning it
Strange odd funny wild
Extraordinary
Amorous
Entertaining and fucking pleasurable
Orgasmicly defying expectation
Ferocious altering perceptions
Beautiful irony that it is
Having escaped my kingdom
I found myself between the warning sign and the fall
Now I have stepped beyond that yonder
I shall
Embarrass mere history
Embarrass mere history
Yes I shall
Yes I shall
Continue to be awesome, now there, good sir
High above blissfully falling fast
Joyfully swimming in the moat
My weird unexpected mysterious paradox
Changing mischievous impish needs
Silly out there randomness
Constantly unforseen belief altering
Bizarre peculiar abnormal atypical unusual
And joyfully blissfully owning it
Strange odd funny wild
Extraordinary
Amorous
Entertaining and fucking pleasurable
Orgasmicly defying expectation
Ferocious altering perceptions
Beautiful irony that it is
Having escaped my kingdom
I found myself between the warning sign and the fall
Now I have stepped beyond that yonder
I shall
Embarrass mere history
Embarrass mere history
Yes I shall
Yes I shall
Continue to be awesome, now there, good sir
Saturday, April 17, 2010
How to be relaxed - with Dave
The bathy drinky shower.
While running a bath use an electric shaver next to a cup full of your favorite beverage. Now sink into the warm, comforting water and have a few sips of your beverage now surprisingly full of beard whiskers, or whiskerfull as I like to call it. After a few moments you may now remind yourself that baths are kinda fucking boring, so stand up and have a shower instead.
If you are a person who enjoys a bath you may skip the whiskerfull drink, but you don't have to skip it.
If you enjoy a whiskerfull drink but don't enjoy baths don't think you can just skip the bath section, because drinking a beverage, whiskerfull or not, is very difficult in the shower.
If you don't have running water in your house you are probably not reading this right now.
If you have taken the time to read this to someone who does not have running water in their house the perhaps try spicing the story up for them by handing them something during the middle section. I suggest a glass of some sort of beverage.
If you think it is pretentious to use the word 'beverage' instead of 'drink' then you may have a point, but then again isn't the word 'pretentious' in itself kind of pretentious?
While running a bath use an electric shaver next to a cup full of your favorite beverage. Now sink into the warm, comforting water and have a few sips of your beverage now surprisingly full of beard whiskers, or whiskerfull as I like to call it. After a few moments you may now remind yourself that baths are kinda fucking boring, so stand up and have a shower instead.
If you are a person who enjoys a bath you may skip the whiskerfull drink, but you don't have to skip it.
If you enjoy a whiskerfull drink but don't enjoy baths don't think you can just skip the bath section, because drinking a beverage, whiskerfull or not, is very difficult in the shower.
If you don't have running water in your house you are probably not reading this right now.
If you have taken the time to read this to someone who does not have running water in their house the perhaps try spicing the story up for them by handing them something during the middle section. I suggest a glass of some sort of beverage.
If you think it is pretentious to use the word 'beverage' instead of 'drink' then you may have a point, but then again isn't the word 'pretentious' in itself kind of pretentious?
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